Every year it’s the same thing.
We have hoppin’ john and collards on New Year’s Day, watch a few bowl games, make a couple of resolutions and swear this year is going to be different.
Of course, that never happens. Everyone backslides because they set impossible goals: eat less, exercise more, be nicer, whatever.
A better idea might be to make resolutions for other people. And since they probably won’t make these themselves, here are a few suggestions for some Lowcountry folks and beloved institutions.
John Tecklenburg, Charleston mayor-elect: Try not to let it get to you — or take it personally — when you hear, a dozen times a day in 2016, WWJD (What would Joe do?).
Charleston City Council: You are the least bat-crazy government board in the Lowcountry. Don’t start acting like the teacher’s out of the room now.
Wendell Gilliard, state representative: See if you can make it through an entire legislative session without a Republican stealing one of your ideas and taking credit for it. You’re already off to a good start — they won’t touch those proposals on gun control.
John Darby, president and CEO of The Beach Co.: Next time a neighborhood tells you they want a grocery store to be part of your new development, get it in writing. It could save a lot of headaches.
OK, probably not.
Charleston County School District: Remember that W-2 forms should be mailed by Jan. 31. Use sticky notes to remind employees, if you can afford them.
Linda Page, mayor of Mount Pleasant: This may be tough, but try not to kill any of the new members of Town Council. Just tell yourself, “They mean well,” even if you don’t believe it.
The Citadel, the military college of South Carolina: Replace all white linens in the barracks with plaid. It might be a good investment.
Elliott Summey, Charleston County Council chairman: Instead of doing what you would like to do — say, derailing a road project in Florence — cajole, force or shame the state into living up to its commitment to fund 526. You’re our only hope, Obi-Wan.
Admittedly, eating better and exercising more would be easier.
Nikki Haley, governor of South Carolina: Avoid stepping on any political land mines or raising the ire of hardcore conservatives in 2016. There’s a good chance the Republican Party is going to need you — badly — by the end of the summer.
South Carolina General Assembly: Resist the overwhelming election-year temptation to pass meaningless resolutions on the Confederate flag, guns, religious persecution or impotent “ethics reform.”
Just fix the damn roads.
Oh, and listen to the state Supreme Court and come up with a better funding formula for rural school districts. OK, that’s impossible, but at least fix the roads.
And leave our 526 money alone.
Charleston cyclists: Make sure there are more than a few dozen bicyclers on the West Ashley Bridge the first day the county closes that lane. The media will be watching and, if there’s a colossal traffic nightmare while that lane sits half-empty, you’ll be back to pedaling across the James Island connector faster than you can say “We don’t have to stop for red lights.”
Summerville Town Council: See if you can get through one meeting — just one — without talking about that downtown hotel. It will be great for your blood pressure.
Berkeley County School District: Avoid getting sued. Yes, that’s a toughie.
South Carolina Democratic Party: It’s an election year, try to become relevant. Just kidding, we all know that’s impossible.
South Carolina Republican Party: Pray that you can get through the presidential primaries without riling the base and having them nominate Attila the Hun. He’s not going to win in November.
Courtyard Charleston Historic District: Clear all Tweets through corporate first!
Charleston International Airport: Finish that renovation. Ha, just kidding. Try again in 2017.
Joe Riley, outgoing mayor of Charleston: Maybe think about taking a day off.
Happy New Year folks. Let’s try and keep it that way.
Reach Brian Hicks at email@example.com