Let’s talk about offbeat news: We humans get ourselves into some interesting situations, to put it mildly. The first one made me laugh out loud. I felt bad for the cop, but… lol.
• A deputy in Georgetown County was forced to Taser his own K-9 on Jan. 22.
According to the Georgetown County Sheriff’s Office, deputies and a K-9 responded to a reported burglary in a rural area around 4 p.m.
“A cow near the scene distracted the dog and the dog bit the cow,” reports said. “To de-escalate the situation, the deputy tased the dog.”
The cow, probably fearing she’d be next, “spooked and struck the deputy and the property owner.” The scuffle produced minor injuries to officer and owner. To top it off, the burglary call “proved to be unfounded.”
I’ve had days like that.
• This has been all over the media, but here’s a personal twist: It happened to my brother, T-Bob.
Recently it got so cold in South Florida that residents were warned to beware of… falling iguanas. Stunned by the cold, they can actually fall out of trees and BONK: Massive iguana headache.
Poor T-Bob. He was walking from his front door to his car in the driveway, which is lined with palm trees.
He took a direct hit.
When he Face-Timed me moments later, he was as stunned as the lizard. He kept cutting back and forth between the lump on his head and the stiff iguana on the grass.
“Imagine dropping a 15-pound weight on your head!” he said. I couldn’t imagine; I was laughing too hard.
• A Kansas man asked a court to sanction a sword fight between him, his ex-wife and her attorney.
This is why we can’t have nice things.
David Ostrom, 40, said his ex and her attorney have destroyed him legally. So, as one does, he asked the Iowa District Court to give him 12 weeks to find special Asian swords for his requested battle.
According to the Des Moines Register, Judge Craig Dreismeier doesn’t plan to issue a decision any time soon. Thank the lord.
• Massachusetts fire officials are hot about a new viral challenge that redefines “stupid.” In the “outlet challenge,” idiots participants insert the plug of a phone-charger cord only partway in, then try to produce a spark by touching a penny to the exposed prongs.
The challenge has damaged outlets and is linked to a fire at Westford Academy, where a student faces criminal charges, WBZ-TV reported. Not to mention the risk of death by electrocution.
• Forget tea leaves, pass the asparagus. Harry and Meghan’s abrupt departure may have blindsided Britons, but English “fortune teller” Jemima Packington claimed she knew it after “reading” asparagus spears.
Packington, 64, predicts the future by throwing asparagus into the air and then observing how the spears land on the ground, British news agency SWNS reported.
“It’s the patterns I interpret,” she said. I’m usually 75-90 percent accurate with my predictions.” And I’m 75-90 percent sure she’s batty.
• An image of the legendary Bigfoot may have been captured on a Washington state Department of Transportation webcam.
A Twitter post with a blurry photo says, “Have you noticed something strange on our Sherman Pass webcam?... To the left there looks to be something… might be Sasquatch… We leave that up to you!”
The agency also posted a GIF of “Seinfeld” character George Costanza saying his famous line, “Just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.” Truth!