Bourbon Cocktail

Photo via The Underground Kitchen on Facebook

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Every time I get drunk, Free Times gets a bunch of free stuff to publish. Y'all should be buying my drinks.

I saw where Jim Gandy is retiring. Now that calls for an ALERT DAY!

It's a bad time to be dating. Everybody is pissed off about their taxes.

I just saw a new commercial for Richland County Council. I have to hand it to the producer for truth in advertising. All of the video is the Council grandstanding and gladhanding and basically not doing anything meaningful.

RANT for the comic book store in Boozer shopping center. Come on, you lazy lima beans!!! It's like 10 a.m. and I'm ready to look at some comics! Y'all don't open til 11 am?!?! Who sleeps til 11 am??!?!? Were you up late fighting the Riddler?!?! Dang!

I don’t want your cute leafy greens in my Greek salad. I want ICEBERG. Shout out to Hampton Place Cafe for being among the few that get it right.

Women who wear animal prints are nothing but trouble. Also beware women who wear fuchsia; it's like red tree frogs — poisonous.

"I know you're tired of hearing this," you say, but you keep bringing up how you went to school in Switzerland. (Rant and Rave, April 17) Why? Also, Freud was not Swiss.

To the cognac drinker (Rant and Rave, April 17): I feel your pain! No bar in town stocks Yukon Jack! Is it any wonder I don't drink in them anymore!?

I can only imagine in the foreseeable future when your smart, self-driving car is not parked in the driveway for your morning commute only to find out that it's moonlighting at night to make some extra cash because it's addicted to brake jobs. Geez.

Their authority must be recognized, but their practices should not be followed.

I was recently in Columbia for a creative placemaking summit. We toured Main Street, visited galleries, studios, restaurants and more. I was so impressed by your city. While I'm sure there are improvements to make, take a moment and appreciate what you have and the hard work it has taken to get there. You have a stunning public library, you have incredible public art, you have deep, complex histories and exciting futures. For a second, forget you're a local and marvel. And then: participate, enjoy! Thank you for letting me see and experience your city.

Leadership positions should never be a goal in and of themselves, but should always be viewed as opportunities to serve others.

Leggo my Eggo.

Even I am amazed. Somehow the newly renovated Southeast branch of the Richland Public Library found hard new chairs for the public computers that are notably less comfortable than those at the St. Andrews branch, themselves quite poor. These abominations were probably designed to torture defenseless voiceless children in schools.

This is a rant towards VZW on Spears Creek. In my opinion you will never be in the top 100 places to work. In the last few years the company doesn’t seem to care about its internal customers, the employees. If you are a customer and you want to know what it's like in my opinion to work in a call center, go to YouTube and put in “ramming speed ben hur”. Nuff said.

You really shouldn’t fart while Sara Evans is singing, asshole.

Hello. I’ve been shopping at my favorite consignment shop for 25 years. I was asked by a saleslady, “Do you want to keep your purse behind the counter so you can have both hands free to shop?” I was appalled by that. I have never had anybody ask me that question, and of course I didn’t want her to babysit my purse. But being the 65-year-old black lady that I am, I think it was just an experience of racism.

I believe God to be more than a zillion years old. About 2,000 years ago, it is said that he made a special deal with one guy. After that, God has been only about that one guy. Everyone on earth must be of his religion. The rest of everything is going to hell. Hell, by the way, is underneath Pelion, SC.

Former baseball great Pete Rose is 78 years old. Too bad he’ll never be in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Women bravely went to the tomb only to find it empty, and women were the first believers to spread the word of Jesus Christ. The men were somewhere hiding scared.

I’d like to congratulate the state of South Carolina. When I was born in 1951 we were ranked around 50th in education and several other areas. And here it is 70 years later and guess what, we’re still around the 50s in everything. Congratulations, and let’s have another 50 years of the same.

Wow. So it’s tax season and Richland County decides to make it oh-so-freaking easy to get money back on the gas tax when you file your taxes. Not! You’ve got to gather all these forms, save every receipt you’ve ever had, and you’ll get a few pennies back. What a freaking joke.

There are new perfumes on the market that smell like bacon and dirt. Hmmm. Wear those perfumes and you'll be so attractive.

It might never come out, but I predict that in 50 years we'll learn who gave birth to the newest royal baby. Good try there, duchess, walking around holding the fake belly in place for the past six months.

Supposedly, Amazon has informed Attorney General William Barr they are pulling their lucrative book reviewer job offer that was proffered, based on the fact it doesn't appear he actually reads the books that he offers reviews on.

So, yeah, I bitch and moan on this page because I don't get to do them things much any place else. In this modern climate, let’s get a few things straight: Everybody likes titties; two thirds of us popped out of a vagina (versus c-section); and all of us were conceived by sperm landing on a zygote, wiggling itself in and saying, "Hey, baby, nice to meet ya." All I'm saying is love one another.

Vista After 55 is back!

If you love someone and you know for a fact that they are doing something stupid, self-destructive or unwise, you need to get your ass in the car, drive over there and confront them about it. Your "love" don't count for s#!t if you don't.

I agree with the April 17 rant. What is wrong with people. I have seen a county pickup truck driving down 277 with trash flying out of the back. He never made an attempt to pull over and correct the situation. Please stop with dumping your trash on the roadside and save it for a trash can. Is that so hard?

Hey Eva, I am so fast I can turn out the lights and be in bed before the room gets dark, or I can hit the mute button before WIS says “alert.” Thank you.

Fraudulent trips being scammed on the radio claiming to give you a free trip when all they’re doing is scamming you for money for the trip itself. Is this legal? I say it’s not. Let’s stop them in their tracks.

Hey Rant and Rave, I’m going to call you every week until you post about ol’ stinkbreath Jim Clyburn.

Dick Harpootlian. He needs to get out of politics, cause he don’t know what in the hell he’s doing.

Recorded three hours of Live PD. Come to find out an hour and a half is Live PD and an hour and a half is commercials. Are we getting our money’s worth?

My friend’s relationships expire faster than a Trader Joe’s salad. Yeah.

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