Roaches

Insect love.

Why won't cockroaches be my friends?

[In reference to Free Times, Dec. 19] We need more covers featuring the beautiful Kat Hunter. She is stunning.

[In reference to Rant & Rave, Dec. 26] Oh yeah. Let’s get that thread going again about oatmeal. Yes, you gotta cook it. Fight off flu with oatmeal. Keep it frisky with oatmeal. Stay warm in winter with oatmeal.

Can CPD finally stop its idiotic ice cream truck selfie policing in the wake of our bloody New Year’s? It isn’t working! Hey Skip, here’s a hashtag: #FamouslySHOT

Just got back from being overseas and asked my neighbor “What’s new, local sports wise?” He replied, “Remember how Vandy used to be the bottom dweller in SEC college football? Well there is a new local competitor for that spot.”

El Gringo, I read your post on Gamecock Central about the “Me First” culture of Carolina football. Have to agree that there does seem to be some players putting self-interests above playing for their team and teammates. You would think that USC had a lock on sending its entire team to the NFL and yet we lose to a very mediocre ACC team. Not only lose but fail to score a single point! Yeah, we’ll get ‘em next year. Sure.

Well, thank you Lexington County for not making me the Scrooge on Christmas. Now I’m Santa Claus, sending my trash to Richland County. No arguments, no nothing.

Alcohol and liquor. Liquor is one of the worst drugs ever created by man. It will singlehandedly put you face down, ass up. How did that become legal? America needs to consider some things. Damn.

I know what’s wrong with the world: free alcohol. You’ve got too much alcohol on the market. Hey, if you put it there the people are going to try to drink it and we know that is not constructive. Y’all got to cut back, then we’ll have some people using their brain, instead of stupid s#!t.

Anyone who says the Civil War had nothing to do with slavery has s#!t for brains and is obviously a f#!king racist.

My friends and I ate on Sumter Street in Citta del Cotone. The sandwiches were humongous and the pizza is great.

I couldn’t find a Tickle Me Elmo in a store, so I got my granddaughter a Bite Me Elmo.

My friend told me to get out of town. I said, “I would, but I live here.”

I went to see the play The Nutcracker, a story about my ex-wife.

Why did somebody have to invent green bean casserole?

Was John Bobbitt dismembered?

Here’s a rave for promises. They are a bond between people. The POTUS promised us that Mexico would pay for his wall. Shut down the government to force the US Congress to fund a wall? No need. Mexico is going to pay for it. Stop trade deals until American taxpayers fund the wall? No need. Mexico is going to pay for it. There is no problem. What the POTUS promises, he delivers!

Trump said Mexico was going to pay for that wall. What the hell?

Since Trump is freeing all the soldiers, why doesn’t he bring home the ones in Korea? That would unite the whole country. Then he’d be known as Donald the Uniter.

I want a friend. She has no car.

When I play the game Fortnite, I like when they do the Carlton dance.

To the white evangelicals: I had no idea you had become the base of the KKK and white nationalists.

Flattery is like chewing gum: Enjoy it, but don’t swallow it.

You know you’re poor when you buy a $40 Christmas tree to put inside your house and then you go do some work at some rich person’s house and you see they put the $40 tree outside their house, on the street.

I guess I know how to speak Spanish. Feliz Navidad.

So many years now people keep saying our government is broken. Yet those very same people keep re-electing morons.

Henceforth Trump’s cabinet shall be referred to as the In-N-Out Burger.

I like listening to WCOS, even though it seems like they might as well be playing Michael Bublé these days.

My friends call me blue cheese, because I be dressing.

I’ve been called a fruitcake. Is that a good thing?

Hi, yes, the government is behind all of it.

Hey folks, this is the Swiss Kid. If you can stomach it, watch The Passion of the Christ. I was raised with it. Thanks a bunch.

The late Lee Atwater, the Republican operative, was notorious for the smear tactics and dirty tricks he pulled against his political opponents. Shortly before his death he underwent a born again conversion to Christ. He then apologized for the mean and unethical things he had done. So, how come people who profess to be born again continue to do the same things?

We claim these lands in North America for Her Majesty the Queen. Wait a minute, the lands are already claimed? Isn’t that called theft?

Blame this! Blame that! Blame the next one! Blame the last one! Blame the other one! Blame forward! Blame backward! Blame left! Blame right! We’ve got a Blamer-in-Chief in the White House. What use is that?

I just heard on TV today a financial report that told me to build a nest egg. I don’t understand that. I know you can build a nest, but how the hell do you build an egg?

I’d like to extend the warmest rave to Judge Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Have a happy recovery and keep up the great work.

History shows Adolf Hitler used crystal meth. That sounds about right.

There was a time when our presidential leaders used to try to guide the people toward altruism. Now our president leads the people toward untruism.

I saw the new movie Bumblebee. John Cena may be getting an Oscar.

White Duck Taco Shop is closing. One reason may be because they called it White Duck Taco Shop.

The World War II generation is referred to as the Greatest Generation. So, what would you call today’s generation? The Spoiled, Lazy, Selfish, Entitled Generation.

The government is in a shutdown. The Democrats are blaming Trump for it because they thought he was going to cave in. He took his oath to defend the country. Democrats all of a sudden care about an expenditure that is less than one percent of the budget. Now, who’s telling the truth and telling the public what the truth is? Have a great day and go Trump!

It’s funny that our New Year’s celebration is still called “Famously Hot.” It should have evolved with our new branding. Call it the “Real Southern New Year.” #RSNY

To the lady in the black scrubs that gave my wife and I the poor acting skills of an apology on New Year’s overnight, do us all a big favor and exit stage left.

Will 1/8 inch of rain do it, or does it take a full 1/4 inch of rain to close the rock road at Harbison Forest? And will one full day of sunshine be enough to later reopen it or does it take more? I always thought foresters were made of tougher stuff.

President Trump’s latest claim about his giving the military a raise, their first in 10 years and a whopping 10 percent, is one whopper of a lie. Military members are very aware of that annual percentage. It is highly publicized in military news and magazines every year leading up to the raise. So, this ridiculous claim (lie) by Trump on multiple occasions is baffling.

The only “chicken curse” there is is the belief that there is one. It goes along with the myth that astrology really means anything.

Badcock! I could never buy furniture from a place that sounds like it was named after a guy scolding his penis.

If your daddy or your mama had taught you to cook, you would have real options for yourself and your families. You would not have to feed your children tater tots, chicken nuggets and sugar drinks. Is that crap even food?

I wonder if I’m the only one who has received more free home address mailing labels than I could ever use in 100 years?​

SCANA execs Kevin Marsh and Jimmy Addison, how can you ever show your lying, lowlife, fraudulent faces in public, to your family and associates ever again? You are nothing but crooks who ruined many people’s lives and should be in prison.

Why would anyone waste their time watching an NFL game?

Hey Apple idiots: Do you think $1,000 iPhones might have something to do with slumping sales?

Do you believe that fat POS-In-Chief says, “Nancy Pelosi and I could solve this in 20 minutes if she wanted to.” Why would she want to? Well, so could Rump if he wanted to. I hope the Dems do not give an inch. Can you imagine the very dangerous precedent if they did?

POTUS had a drama attack causing him to shut down the U.S. government. We are being held hostage over a wall he said another country would pay for but, SURPRISE, they’re not going to pay. Meanwhile, we have less security at our airports, we have various services suspended and for many of us, we work without pay. Thanks a whole lot, Mr. Prez.

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