John Malkovich

No Merchandising. Editorial Use Only. No Book Cover Usage. Mandatory Credit: Photo by Columbia Tri Star/Kobal/REX/Shutterstock (5884134z) John Malkovich In The Line Of Fire - 1993 Director: Wolfgang Petersen Columbia Tri Star USA Scene Still Action/Adventure Dans la ligne de mire

Who is spookier: John Malkovich, Kevin Spacey, or Christopher Walken?

If 60 is the new 40, is 20 the new five?

One of the more stupid things right wingers believe in is less government. The fact is, the more population we have, the more government we need. Do they want the wild west law of the Colt .45?

What? The president held a rally in Washington D.C., on July 4, with access by tickets provided by the Republican National Committee? Using our military forces? No. Please tell me this is NOT TRUE.

Lmao. [In reference to Rant and Rave July 3] “To obtain reparations you must prove damages. Never happen.” Funny. The evidence is right there. The damage is having to read this sort of crap in 2019. STILL. I guess the proof really is in the pudding.

In his Fourth of July speech in Washington, our President said that we all share the same heroes. Whoa! Wait a minute, please, Mr. President. You have made it abundantly clear that your heroes are Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin. They are NOT MY HEROES.  

My wife and I had the pleasure of seeing, but not bothering, Sen. Dick Harpootlian at Di Prato’s this week. He looked calm and refreshed. I am glad his energies on behalf of the students, residents of adjacent neighborhoods are bearing fruit (non-alcoholic). So glad he is up to the task he has taken on!

The Koch brothers and the Democratic presidential candidates are now on the same “open borders” team. Does anyone remember what a “scab” is? The Koch brothers do. The Democratic Party has become civil rights only — no economics. But of course, anyone who supports strong borders is a racist, especially that guy who came up with the derogatory term for illegal aliens. What was his name again? Oh yeah, Caesar Chavez, head of United Farm Workers.

So now instead of having a decal that looks almost official in the right side of the window, the Ubers and Lyfts now have a homemade piece of paper with their license number on the front. Boy, that sure is going to make me feel safer.

This is a rave for Trees Inc. doing some tree work around here in Shandon, clearing some trees away from the power lines. They are just so nice and considerate and raking. They are doing an awesome job. Rave for them.

A big rave to President Jimmy Carter. He is correct. Trump is illegitimate from day one.

My son wants to go to a university and major in underwater basket weaving.

The Taste Buds and I visited Monterrey Mexican restaurant in the Vista. The food and service were great. Gracias.

Where the hell is Paris Hilton?

I quit using Head and Shoulders shampoo. I was getting more shampoo on my shoulders than my head.

Hey, I have an idea: On the back of all the taxis I see it says “taxi” and then has the license number on the rear license plate. Why don’t they just do that with Uber and Lyft, and put those names on the back license plates? Seems to me that would save a whole lot of trouble.

My friend calls me “Gutter.”

What is the difference between eating fried squid and octopus? Nothing. They both suck.

I’m glad we’re in the month of July. Excuse me.

I need to shop for Christmas.

I ate at the War Mouth. The bartender and waiter were excellent. Yeah.

I took down so many hot dogs at a picnic on the fourth of July everybody thought I was training for a hot dog eating contest.

A lot of evangelical preachers now seem to be saying that Trump was appointed by the Lord, and that the Lord appoints presidents and kings throughout history. They didn’t seem to say that when Obama was in office. That’s the difference I see. A lot of these preachers were down on Obama, but now they embrace Trump as the Lord’s appointee.

Wow, have you seen the new Uber “license tags” on the front of their vehicles? It looks like they had their 10-year-old kids make them. Man, I feel a whole lot safer.

Happy Fourth of July. We may agree to disagree, let’s not be disagreeable. A special greeting to three of my favorites: Dan Cook, Eva Moore and Corey Hutchins. Peace.

Smoke from the Clyburn Fish Fry drifted over the river and over my home in West Columbia. It smelled like bulls#!t.

My friend is retiring pretty soon. I thought he retired two years ago.

My buddy’s Honda Accord has 567,000 miles on it. Shouldn’t he get a commercial?

August Krickel, you da man!

I just read an article that said one of the owners of Uber bought a $75 million mansion. A lot of their drivers barely make minimum wage. Remember that next time you are in your Uber. Does that really seem fair?

Hey folks, I just want to say that, over the years, I’ve employed probably a dozen Hispanic folks, guys and girls. I have not been cheated, I have never been shortchanged. Trump just hates these people. I think that’s just wrong.

When do bar owners start nominating themselves for “best” anything? I don’t see any establishments doing that except one. It kind of reflects the personality of the individual. Not impressed.

I’m so old I remember drinking Gatorade out of glass jars, and I can still know every line in the movie Jaws. Thank you dear Lord.

Rest in peace, Lee Iacocca.

I have a question: How come the cameramen on WACH Fox news don’t know what they hell they are doing?

It would be nice if Bernie Sanders was 20 years younger. He is from Vermont and he is as pure in politics as Vermont is pure with real maple syrup.

I go to the zoo to have family reunions.

We should take a vote and let the public decide what they want to do with the Ubers and the Lyfts.

KFC has a new chicken sandwich with Cheetos on it. Did I die and go to heaven?

Finally WIS got wise and hired a professional anchor. Alicia Barnes, yay!

Since USC morphed to UofSC the ability to hire a president, pay people on time, provide them contract renewals or even keep web pages online are things of the past. Our momentum knows no limits — certainly we are daily exploring new lows. Can we go back to USC and get our old dysfunctional ways back?

How can you claim that this Fourth of July presentation is for ALL Americans and then choose to end it with an explicitly Christian hymn: the Battle Hymn of the Republic? Look up the lyrics, fifth verse. While we all gratefully remember the sacrifices made by those members of our armed forces who were Christian, may we not also express gratitude to those who were Jewish or Muslim or atheist or other? Must we be divided even by this, and on this occasion?

Whoever wrote the Independence Day speech has no sense of irony. Which reference was more hypocritical: all men are created equal; the universal God-given right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; or government of, by, and for the people? Or, any of several references to the value of science?

Ladies of Columbia: Do you want a REAL man in your life? Sure you do. Just like we men want a REAL woman. With all the make-up, FAKE hair, FAKE fingernails, FAKE boobs and now FAKE eyelashes unfortunately the women we meet will not be the same after they wash their face and take off all the FAKE CRAP. You won’t find a REAL man until you start being REAL women.

Well, he’s done it again. Just when I thought Trump couldn’t ruin anything else, he went and ruined the Fourth of July.

If you think air travel is hell today, just imagine what it was like in 1775.

Mayor Benjamin certainly is full of…ideas.

Whatever happened to the plan to erect a giant pinwheel sculpture in the park?

As long as gerrymandering exists unchecked and each state is allowed to allocate its Electoral College votes as it wishes, not every citizen’s vote is equal. The Electoral College’s winner-take-all system bastardizes democracy.

We're improving out commenting experience.

We’ve temporarily removed comments from articles while we work on a new and better commenting experience. In the meantime, subscribers are encouraged to join the conversation on our Free Times Facebook page.