Rant and Rave: Who did the least?

bern bide hand shake.jpg

Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders and former Vice President Joe Biden at the Democratic presidential primary debate at the Gaillard Center in Charleston on Tuesday, February 25, 2020. Lauren Petracca/Staff

Views expressed are those of our readers, not us. Need to get something off your chest? Leave a message with your rant or rave at 765-0707 ext. 126 or email RANTandRAVE@free-times.com. Submissions will be edited for length and spelling but not grammar. Please limit emailed submissions to 100 words.

Which spent the most decades doing nothing in the US Senate: Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders?

Since Eve came from Adam’s rib, technically she’s the world’s first side chick.

When diesel superseded steam locomotives, the railroad companies agreed to keep paying the boilerman position. While cell phones superseded land lines in the early part of the century, USC’s department of information technology (!) keeps charging for land lines today — if you want it or not. No limits!

Neither the goatee nor the bandholz beard will allow a face mask to seal and hold back virus and bacteria containing saliva. Dudes, especially those working in the restaurant and health care industry: shave. It’s been a long time coming.

All right Trump haters. Rant and Rave loves to print your stuff. I want real examples of lies you say Trump tells all the time. It’s easy to say it, but back it up.

Just read Psalm 91 and I want you to stand on it and trust in it and you will see that it will come true.

Hey folks, when I was a kid in Switzerland, 10,000 feet up, there was actually a cafeteria. We were never allowed to sneak the dogs food. If you couldn’t behave, the Swiss would take your skis away.

Michael Bloomberg was right. All there is to farming is digging a hole, planting a seed and watching the beanstalk go high into the sky, where the goose that laid the golden egg lives.

A termite walked into a bar and asked, “Is the bar tender here?”

Hey, this is a rave to all the readers out there. If you read any part of the budget that got passed by the government, it barely covers Obamacare, but the Senate did include $300 billion for employer healthcare plans.

Our dear president had five deferments. We have moms who sacrificed 3, 4, 5 kids to war.

I enjoy your articles on craft beer. I love craft beers. But I just got back from the doctor and he told me my liver does not love craft beer. So, I will not be drinking craft beer. My life really sucks right now. Thank you very much and have a nice day.

I remember when St. Pat’s in Five Points was free. Now it’s $20. That’s $20 for bad beer, rude cops and rude Uber drivers. I’m sorry, I just don’t get it.

They keep trying to close Group Therapy in Five Points. I can’t believe that. I remember going there in the 1980s and 1990s and everybody went to Group. Hootie used to hang out in there. Now it’s run by a USC quarterback hero, and you want to shut it down? That’s blasphemy, and it shouldn’t be allowed to happen.

The people have spoken, and the two most qualified men to be president of the United States are...Donald Trump and Joe Biden! Hooray for democracy!

Come on people, let’s get on the right track.

There was recently a well-known bar owner who mentioned that many of the clientele who attend his bar are all bitter and dysfunctional people. Well, that’s what bars were made for. In fact, I believe who he was talking about were the staff and himself. The key words are “bitter” and “dysfunctional.”

How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice.

The Taste Buds and I love going to Seawell’s. The food is excellent. The only thing I don’t like is the waitresses come around so much giving you drink that you are water-logged.

I’ve come up with many uses for The State newspaper. One of them is as a coffee filter. Yeah.

Will somebody please, please tell me again why taxi drivers have to have a physical, a TB test and a drug test to get their license for the privilege of transporting the public around, but Uber and Lyft don’t have to get any of these? Please tell me that, especially in these days with new viruses spreading around.

The truth can hurt you or the truth can change you. What will the truth do to you?

America was great until Trump had his hateful mob come along. Now it gets worse by the tweet.

The Cameron Curmudgeon would like to suggest to the powers that be in Congress, the House and the Senate, to remember Article 25, which can remove an incompetent or dangerously ill president. That’s what we have at this time.

[In reference to City Watch, Feb. 19] Hey, this is Sheldon. This is to that peanut head Kevin Fisher. Kevin Fisher, New Hampshire is not as overly white as you say it is. Let me give you one word: Military. Is the military overly white in any branch of service, be it the Navy, Marines, Army?

People die everyday.

It was $25 for my ID. I know who I am. This is a Mafia shakedown. The United States is now a Mafia run by the Orange Crush.

It was so cold the other night I had chicken noodle soup and hot chocolate and went to sleep.

Hey there. What the hell’s up with all these foreclosures in the paper?

Some laws should be changed. For instance, eviction notices should be done by more than one law enforcement officer.

Where does a bee pee at? The BP station.

Why do we have to pay money to put air in our car tires? Inflation. Yeah.

I was in the store today and went to get a 12-pack of Bud Platinum. On the side it said “Made for the night.” It was 3 o’clock in the afternoon, so I put it back.

Why is it so hard to get through to the Rant and Rave? Uh, say “hi” to Tug Baker.

Here it comes. Here it comes. It’s here! It’s COVID.

Where will I have Sunday brunch now that Costco stopped free samples? #RealCoronavirusProblems

How are we doing this week? Is COVID-19 still a hoax by the Democrats? Is it a hoax by the media? Are those people dying from a hoax?

I thank the #MeToo movement for giving my 17-year-old female family member the courage to walk into the school counselor’s office and tell the truth about what was happening to her at home when her father had a day off and her mother was away at work. She was not his only victim and he is going to prison. Formerly, he was a cop.

Race is not a problem. The problem is racism.

Watch out, Mike Pence. The great doctor, epidemiologist, public health expert president has put you in charge of a pandemic. It is probably a setup before he throws you under the bus as his VP.

In 1950, Maine Republican U.S. Sen. Margaret Chase Smith said, “I don’t want to see the Republican party rise to victory on the four horses of calumny: fear, ignorance, bigotry and smear.” Words to live by, MAGAts.

EDT (Eastern Daylight Time) and AST (Atlantic Standard Time) are the same. Coordinate the Eastern states with the Atlantic provinces. I vote for EDT/AST all year long.

“President Trump tried to calm nerves amid the global outbreak of coronavirus while touring the Centers for Disease Control, blah blah blah.” Trump couldn’t calm a damn nerve if it was dead. He called the governor of Washington a snake. Bet that calmed some nerves. What an idiot.

Would you trust your life on a hunch from Trump?

Now! WIS SECOND ALERT! Just in case you miss our first one.

Nancy, what’s up with that eyebrow? That one, severely arched eyebrow? I see you on TV every day, lookin’ like Spock when he finds something intriguing! Lawd! Live long and prosper!

I absolutely hate it when someone I’ve never met comes up to me and starts talking like we’ve known each other for years. Please just give me the cliff notes to your shitty story and move along. I don’t have time for this.

Biden was fizzling and now he’s surging. Be advised, good people, that Joe Biden is a man of the past. Our country is desperate for a new president who can lead into the future. Who is it?

I wonder if there’s ever been an intervention for someone that’s strung out on Viagra?

All preachers are socialists. They all say, “we need money, send us yours.”


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