Moon

We recently saw the 50th anniversary of Apollo 11. “To the moon, Alice. To the moon.”

I’m getting married in three months. Don’t believe the hype. Wedding planning sucks. And [expletives] those YouTube videos. I know those girls cry themselves to sleep at night. But seriously, just elope. You’re welcome.

When the face of Muhammad Ali was painted, the next couple days it was fixed, but the Castleman statue is still painted, I just don’t understand it, everybody is taking our history.

I think Trump is a racist, I’m absolutely sure he is an asshole.

I tried to drink a V-8.

People from all over the world want to come to the U.S. to benefit from our capitalism. But then some of them want to get rid of capitalism so everyone will be poor, like where they came from.

You’ve got to love a two-faced political prick like Steve Benjamin. When two people died at Allen Benedict Court due to the sheer negligence of the Housing Authority, he was adamant to say the City of Columbia has nothing to do with the organization. However, he was one of the first to interject himself into the search for a new USC president, even though the city has nothing to do with that process. What a hack.

Humpty Dumpty just called somebody a bully. That is so rich coming from the bully-in-chief.

Someone wearing a clown suit incited a brawl on a cruise ship. Too bad. Everyone is afraid of clowns. I had one over for a kids’ birthday party and the children were stone cold terrified of the clown. Me too.

I do not want to know more about President Barack Obama’s book deal. I do want to know when we are getting that beautiful, affordable health care for all that you promised to us years ago, President Trump, and the much needed and beautiful infrastructure work for our country that you also promised.

I saw where a person put in Free Times how Dominion Energy did a wonderful job of cutting the trees in her yard. Dominion Energy sent a team out to our house and cut down our 20-year-old Bradford pear that my wife and I personally planted 20 years ago when we built our house. The tree even had a name. We called it “August.” My wife was very upset and was in tears when she called Dominion and they acted like they couldn’t care less. That’s pretty f#!king sad.

There’s no such thing as a great mime.

Out here in the country, the fish are jumping and the cotton is high.

An American adult was arrested in Sweden as a result of a street brawl. President Trump has been badgering the Swedish government to release him because he, our president, will guarantee the guy’s bail. The Swedish government is not tangled into its judicial system, for real. Also, their judicial system does not include bail, for real. POTUS has nothing better to do. Meanwhile, he keeps embarrassing himself, and us, by trying to get his way in another country. What a disgrace!

I am of Trump’s generation. In fact, I am a couple years older than he is. Over that lifespan, I have often heard the “America, love it or leave it!” motto. However, I have ALSO many times heard an even better one: “America, love what’s right, fix what’s wrong!” And the White House has some problems!

This is a reply to the person who said the smell from the Clyburn Fish Fry drifted over the river to West Columbia and it smelled like bulls#!t [Rant and Rave, July 3]. You must be a Republican. If you live in West Columbia, what do you think the chicken plant smells like?

It’s my opinion that Moscow Mitch, by blocking the two election security bills, just put a stake through evil Count Trumpula’s heart and reelection campaign! Let the protests and individual state election challenges in the courts begin!

It is a REAL BAD IDEA to start altering our nation’s flag for this reason and that reason and the other reason. It is the flag of the United States of America. Leave it alone!

Whether or not Donald Trump is a racist doesn’t really affect anybody in life. But the Democrats’ socialist agenda will screw up everybody’s life.

Capitalism is not racist. It’s simply biased against whiners.

The Battle Hymn of the Republic was not a hymn.

The Turtle reads the news and sees that there are 900 people confined near the border in El Paso in an area with a capacity for 125. Why are more people not outraged? Is this not an international crime? What the hell is going on?

When I was 15 and she was 15, I got caught having sex with the police chief’s daughter in upper South Carolina. I loved her and she loved me. Our parents thought it was fine. We were both underage.

I think Trump is impotent and insane. I better stop there.

This is the Columbia Yeah Guy. When socks get lost in the dryer, where do they go? Yeah.

The taste buds and I pigged out at Palmetto Pig. Oink, oink.

This is a rant about the Saluda Shoals ad you’ve been running in the paper. Do only us honkeys like to get wet? I am one of the honkeys. OK, bye.

Come on, you Democrats. Come on, you Republicans. What the hell, man. You know, it is time to stop your little pitiful arguments and start doing something about the swamp. This is BG, the Blind Guy. White collar crime is up, up, up. I’m up to my knees in it. Oh my God, I’m going under the muck in the swamp!

I will no longer be a USC supporter.

Hey folks, I took my bike to the Cycle Center down there. If you folks want a pizza, just tell me. I’ll drop one off. I love Rant and Rave.

Robert Caslen was voted president of USC. Damn, who would have thought that? So much for the tail wagging the dog. Good job, Henry.

Hey folks. I watch WLTX on TV. I fear the Lord.

I spent two weeks in Columbia one night.

South Beltline Boulevard needs a traffic light where the 18-wheelers exit the truck stop, and a flashing crosswalk for the Owen steel plant workers who eat at the truck stop. Dangerous!

There’s a burnt plastic smell around the creek by the railway trestle over South Beltline. Smells like the stuff IPR is putting in the sanitary sewers. Some mornings it’s so strong it will make your eyes water.

What happened to the USC Gamecock on the Bi-Lo sign at the Devine Street location? Are they switching to U of SC Game of Cock?

Hey, W.B. I’m talking myself into it.

Research reveals that tobacco smoke and marijuana smoke are very similar with nicotine and THC being the main differences. Would be nice if the Free Times would point out some of the health-enhancing contents of MJ smoke like ammonia, hydrogen cyanide, benzopyrene, nitric oxide, etc. FT would do well to abstract some major studies on this topic for the benefit of your readers.   

Did a tanker full of ‘blinker fluid’ overturn somewhere? Because it seems no one in this city knows how to signal! Ugh!

Yogi Bear cartoon reruns get more viewers than Anderson Cooper.

To the red-head b#!ch who hit my Honda Accord: You want to be proper? I have your address. You are an idiot. I’m going to wait a long time, then I’m coming after you, b#!ch. You are going to have a note on your porch. The note is going to say, “Stick a finger up your ass.”

OK, do you want to see what is really wrong in American politics summed up in just one image? Well, look at a photo of Representative Joe Wilson. That’s it. Hope you’ll print that.

I enjoy watching the CBS Evening News with Nora O’Donnell. I feel old. I used to watch Walter Cronkite and Dan Rather.

You do not fool God.

I celebrated the moon landing by eating a Moon Pie and drinking some Tang.

I love pizza with figs and anchovies.

One thing I know for certain is that Pete Rose is not going to be in the hall of fame, ever.

When Rump refers to “our country,” I wonder who is included in “our.” I don’t think I am included in “our.”

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