Rant and Rave: There Goes the Neighborhood

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Views expressed are those of our readers, not us. Need to get something off your chest? Leave a message with your rant or rave at 765-0707 ext. 126 or email RANTandRAVE@free-times.com. Submissions will be edited for length and spelling but not grammar. Please limit emailed submissions to 100 words.


A Richland County deputy just moved down the street from my house in West Columbia. There goes the neighborhood.

I don’t know why I can’t keep a girlfriend. All I do is ask them what they weigh and what their waist size is.

All of us Taste Buds ate lunch at the Salty Nut. The food was great and the service by Ally was excellent.

How do you get to Nashville? Practice, practice, practice.

I knew when North Carolina beat the UofSC the Chicken Curse would live on and on.

Someone told me they reported some food stamp recipients in another state. They were told not to worry about recipients and asked, "Are they grossly overweight"?  They answered, “Yes.”  Investigator stated, “See they are killing themselves by eating bad food and plenty of it." So don’t worry about it, they are sending themselves to an early grave.

We have the most incompetent jerks in college football. Ray Tanner isn’t an athletics director, he’s a damn coach that the baseball players couldn’t stand. He goes out and hires Muschamp, a narcissistic has-been excuse for a football coach who came in here and purchased a multi-million dollar mansion at Lake Murray before he could even really start to recruit a team. Both of them should be run out of town.

I want to move to Iceland, but I can’t fjord it.

Back in my day we had great comedic actors. Larry, Curly, Moe, and those Marx brothers, Groucho and Karl.

This is the Columbia Yeah Guy. This is a rave to Kerry Tharp, who’s in charge of the Darlington race track. He used to work at USC. Yeah.

Carolina got Feaster from Clemson. I was thinking we’d need to get Trevor Lawrence from Clemson. But then Jake broke his foot. Joyner should be the starting quarterback, but Hilinski is doing OK. Go Gamecocks.

At the Hootie concert, there were thousands of whites enthusiastically cheering for a black man.

Can people just get off their phones and just drive? I can't tell you how many times I've seem someone with one hand on the wheel and the other hand texting away on their phone as they merrily drive 70 mph down the interstate. Terrifying.

Hurricane Dorian was so slow it was like fighting a turtle.

Clemson’s colors are orange and purple. I’ve never seen a purple tiger.

I’m making great strides. I now know the difference between real cane sugar versus Splenda and Sweet’N Low.

How come every time I call AT&T I get Manila?

The Dallas Cowboys player DeMarcus Lawrence was at Disney World and was approached by a kid wearing a Buffalo Bills jersey requesting an autograph. DeMarcus refused to give the kid an autograph, rude to the kid and told him wrong jersey. I hope this man has a sorry season.

Judging by the hundreds of apartments going up, it is clear that developers have state, county and municipal governments on their pockets.  And it is killing the planet. 

For all of our sakes, will the Republicans please show some spine, guts, character, testicular fortitude, or something? Stand up first for your country, not your petty party politics. Represent all of your constituents, not just the old rich white man’s club. Do you all really support Trump’s “whiter” America or are you just afraid of the “bully in charge?” John McCain was not afraid of Trump and stood up to him over healthcare because it was the right thing to do for millions of Americans of all parties. McCain would and did do the right thing whether it was popular or not. What will you be remembered for? Sucking up to the crazy blowhard wannabe dictator.

This is Figaro. Hey BG the Blind Guy, you can kiss my ass.

I’ve been saying it for 20 years: AT&T, your CEOs do not care about their employees. Call AT&T and see what you get. Then you’ll know how they feel about giving you a raise. They want to keep the raises for themselves.

When something good happens to me, don’t tell me I’m lucky. Luck is for leprechauns. Tell me I’m blessed.

It’s 3:30 on a Wednesday afternoon and I’m already late for an appointment. I got caught behind a train coming across Huger, Assembly and Rosewood. So, yeah, I want to rant about it. I want to mother#!king rant. Why doesn’t somebody in the great Capital City of South Carolina do something about this crap? Thank you, and have a nice day.

Just got my auto tax bill in the mail. I was charged a hybrid fee. Seriously? Are they actually penalizing drivers for trying to protect the environment? Does anyone know who voted for this? I would like to be sure to NOT vote for them.

Who in the f#!k schedules the trains in this town? There are 100,000 people in town for the Alabama game and they schedule two trains within four hours of kickoff.

WACH FOX Good Day Columbia has to be community access, right? I mean they can’t go into breaks or back from breaks without dead mics. The weather had a sponsored overlay and a voiceover, and the weatherperson ran right through that stop sign.  Who is producing this morning train wreck?

What do you call a man who hits a woman? Big man with little pee-pee.

I’m challenging the Columbia Police Department to crack down on traffic violations.  If I see ‘em, others do too.  I see so many police cars, but rarely do I see anyone pulled over.  You’re just sitting in your cars or driving around wasting gas. I guess those uncomfortably hot uniforms require 24/7 air conditioning. Do your job! Be motivated! Pull someone! Offenders really have no reason to “obey” the laws. 

Why do we hide from mental illness? Look at how your property taxes are distributed, and look at monies for mental health. It’s the smallest percentage of your tax. It’s no wonder services for the mentally ill are disappearing. 

I went to the Hootie concert but all I could hear was the screaming people behind me.

At the Panthers game they banged a huge drum like five times. They should bang it at least 100 times or more.

Concealed carry firearms are OK by me if permitted, but open carry should be banned in public with safety exceptions. It’s a sign of aggression and that’s the main purpose of the carriers.

I wish that I too could become a millionaire by giving speeches on the evils of income inequality.

Marketers are moving up my list of the lowest forms of life.  They won’t ever surpass developers, but they are trying. Marketers brought us spam, robocalls and direct email marketing.  

So, to the smart guy in the Sept. 4 Rant and Rave who said he put everything into cash before President Trump took office and asked how 401Ks were doing: Great. And if the Communistcrats in office were not in the way it would be even better. Even an idiot knows cash is a loser because of inflation. What a genius.

From the time I started paying attention, it was the Vietnam War and Nixon was in office. From Nixon to Trump, I’ve heard the disrespect of the title “president.” They are our presidents. Give them respect. We voted them into office. Just because we have freedom of speech, you don’t go on the news and not give respect. He is President Trump.

I just want to tell you something, University of South Carolina athletics department and Will Mushcamp: If we had played UNC at Williams-Brice Stadium, we would have won. So just take that.

Hey, folks. Did you see that the Stable Genius amended a days-old hurricane map with a Sharpie?

When the weather report said “passing clouds,” I looked in my rearview mirror to see some passing clouds.

The only thing Carolina fans have to hope for this season is for Clemson to lose a game or two.

One of the best arguments for watching the Gamecocks on TV, rather than in-person, is that you can cut it off.

Uber, Lyft and vaping. I guess all you people out there are going to have to learn this the hard way, aren’t you?

Hey Gamecock fans, you guys want to start winning? Fire Will Muschamp and hire Mark Richt. That’s what you need to do.

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