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Rant and Rave: Thanks, Aunt Jodi

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Views expressed are those of our readers, not us. Need to get something off your chest? Leave a message with your rant or rave at 765-0707 ext. 126 or email RANTandRAVE@free-times.com. Submissions will be edited for length and spelling but not grammar. Please limit emailed submissions to 100 words

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My wonderful aunt just made me a bunch of supercool Carolina Gamecocks facemasks. Man, if you’ve got to wear it, you might as well look good wearing it. Thanks, Aunt Jodi.

Trump did more for blacks in three years than Obama did in eight. He’s even done more for blacks in three years than the whole Democratic Party in 75 years.

Can someone explain to me how outdoor dining is safe? Tables are 6 to 8 feet apart, but the people seated at each table are not, so how is that complying with social distancing guidelines? If people can sit that close at a restaurant, why can’t we sit across the table from a friend at home, someone whose health and compliance with COVID guidelines I trust much more than I do those of strangers at a restaurant? Do we need to find a place to meet outdoors? I’m really confused about what social distancing between/among friends entails.

I’ll be glad when this pandemic is over. I feel like a caged animal. Grrr.

I like vitamin C. It’s like Tang and Sunny D had a baby.

OK, Trumpies. Now is the time to prove you believe what the president says. Knock back a big dose of Lysol to prevent COVID-19.

Have you ever seen anything like this? The president wondered about injecting disinfectant. And he was looking at physicians for backup. I shouldn’t laugh.

When I look at the TV in split screen I think of Hollywood Squares or The Brady Bunch.

During this virus kind of time, whassup?

Rant and Rave: Pilots drink too much

I was watching Lakefront Bargain Hunt and the family with two girls had a full-size St. Bernard.

I got some food from a fast food joint today. I watched her use her bare hands to put a lid on a cup, then use those same bare hands to get money out of the cashier’s drawer and pay me and give me back my change. What a way for the virus to be transferred, through money. We are going to realize something.

This COVID-19 pandemic is a true example worldwide of a clusterf#!k.

I just passed the flea market over here on Augusta Road in West Columbia. There must have been 500 people out there. Man, it was crowded and nobody was practicing social distancing. What the f#!k is up with that? That’s going to be more work for our already overworked health care workers. Think about it, people. Come on.

Katrina Shealy, the senator, stop trying to rush a bill through prematurely.

To voluntarily expect people to do the right thing with social distancing, with today’s people, who have the attention spans of a baby, get back to me in a month and tell me how that worked out.

This is the Columbia Yeah Guy. How do trees get on the internet? They log in.

I have so much toilet paper. Maybe I’ll go TP all the houses and trees in the neighborhood.

I’m tired of turning on the news every night and hearing so much about the coronavirus. We’ve been paying taxes to the government for a million years. Outrageous taxes. Find a cure. Save us. That’s your job. That’s why you are here. Find a cure.

What do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? A widow. Yeah.

Immature, premature and just downright wrong. Yes, that’s you Katrina Shealy.

I love the flyover that the military did for the nurses here in Columbia. We had one plane flyover. Whoopee!

God uses the evil in this world to bring about a turn of events that will result in what is best for His people.

Go Cocks!

If you can’t protect us, and you cannot cure the disease, then you damn sure can give us good advice. I’m just saying.

Hey folks, a gazillion raves for Dish Network. I cut every corner I can. I have appreciated Dish Network during this coronavirus.

I used to go to Costco and get free food at the stands. What am I going to do now?

Hey, this is the Swiss Kid. You do not beat the Lord, period.

Hey folks, I learned to fly in the eighth grade. Sometimes for fun I like to watch air disasters.

I love Rant and Rave. Trump supporters are always wanting you to name his lies.

Are there any Hallmark TV movies that do not have the word “love” in them?

These companies who want masks to be worn before entering the building are a little too late. That should have been done a month ago, at least.

My wife can’t believe I watch Judge Judy everyday. Go Judge Judy, go!

Richland County needs some more COVID-19 testing sites. They long ago needed that.

The Lord will make fools out of “smart” people.

You watch these doctors shows on TV, and some of these lady doctors wear miniskirts on elevated stages.

Greeting to you My name is Alina, from southern Sudan. Please can I talk with you?

Wow. Even a little rag like Free Times can’t be balanced. Rant and Rave is at least five to one in letters critical of Trump than not. I’m sure you receive plants of letters complimenting Trump.

Trump keeps on telling us that he’s the greatest president ever, and he can’t comprehend why EVERYBODY doesn’t recognize what seems obvious to himself. He’s a poster boy for the Dunning-Kruger effect: a type of cognitive bias found in people of low ability in some area of endeavor, who are too incompetent to recognize their own incompetence. Our president is a legend in his own mind.

Kudos to chefs Sarah and Aaron of Il Focolare, smallSUGAR, and the library cafe. Living wage. No tips. And their great work helping feed needy people in Columbia. Our local Jose Andres. Thank you.

The president claims he’s being treated worse than Abraham Lincoln. Really? Did someone assassinate Donald Trump?

If you’ve seen him on public television, you will agree with me that it’s time to get Doc Martin on the job. Doctor Trump is not a real doctor, he only plays one on TV.

Although I have missed News of the Weird lately, I must congratulate you on getting rid of the moronic drivel that accompanied Crime Blotter. Perhaps the “writer” that contributed those sophomoric bylines can be of better use in an elementary school setting.

A while back I saw the president walk onto a stage, go to an American flag, wrap his arms around it and grin like a cartoon character. In that moment I knew the dude was full of phony s#!t.

Do you think advertisers will ever get over saying they “have your back”?

Your phone is the new rosary beads of the church of shallow communication and distractions.

My body, my choice? What started as a pro-choice slogan is now used by right-wing “liberators.” Well in that case: Live free and die!

Isn’t it ironic? But irony sounds the same no matter what language its spoken

My right-wing friends “hate” Nancy Pelosi. I, on the other hand, perceive her as a voice of reason in the face of a moronic president.

How about the Trump Martini: Two parts Clorox and one part dry Lysol, with a moth ball.

Is it possible for WIS to forecast rain without damaging winds, hail and possibility of tornadoes? Besides providing weather every seven minutes, every event is apocalyptic.

A person could just weep. Tens of thousands of our citizens have died from coronavirus. And the president says the crisis was caused by “somebody a long time ago.”

Are the governors and mayors slamming the media, insulting reporters and blaming everyone imaginable for the virus, too?

Hello South Carolinians, the number of coronavirus cases here is still rising. When you go to the grocery store, please observe the one-way markers on the aisles. Let’s not get sick. Thanks.

I’ll never go back to a certain chicken place on Rabon Road. Their service is BO BERRY, BERRY BAD!

I’d rather be watching Tales From the Crypt.

Only good thing about coronavirus is working from home. I don’t have to deal every day with my fat-faced twat of a boss. Eat it, you 4-eyed lard ass!

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