Shrimp

The shrimp at Captain D’s is so fresh I want to slap it.

[birds tweeting] Good people of South Carolina, it’s Sunday morning. You hear these birds? They’re praising the Lord. If they can praise the Lord, you better get to praising, genius.

Mayor Steve Benjamin and your constituents: Didn’t we tell you we don’t want no screwing around in Lower Richland?

I’ve got a rave to the people of South Carolina: Boy, y’all sure know how to endure.

I know y’all are not going to print this, but I have the perfect example of white privilege. His name is Conor McGregor.

A television station known for presenting entertainment as news has announced that our president will stop us from giving more aid to "three Mexican countries." I am missing something big here. I have always believed there is ONE MEXICO. What maps do they use? Where do they go to school? How stupid are they?  

My friend is a bouncer, but he doesn’t like confrontation.

Tom Clancy. Richard Nixon. Harry Belafonte. It’s Tom, Dick and Harry.

Politics and religion are like art. Art is subjective, so beauty is in the eye or the ear of the beholder.

You know, I saw the thing on WIS the other night about people running the school arm bus stop signs. If someone is caught doing that, they should have their license suspended on first offense. Second offense should be jail time. These are our children, people. These are our children. Think about it.

All the legal pot people, with all of the pot being grown, why don’t you all take your seeds and throw them in every swamp and every stream and every lake and everywhere? Then there will be so much pot they’ll have to legalize it.

Embolden your love / break through mindful barriers / write your poetry!

So, hey Nikki Haley, are you back in South Carolina in your cowboy boots and mini-skirt?

Explain this: Why is it that if a black person kills a white person it's just a crime, but why is it if a white kills a black person, then it’s a hate crime?  Why is it so different?

I think you mean they don't know how to speak English.

Why on earth are there firearm ads plastered all over the Columbia airport? That’s like advertising candy bars in a weight loss clinic, or ladders on the inside of the Berlin Wall, or any number of other examples where someone encourages the purchasing of the very thing you’re trying to keep out.

Advice to any Democrat 35 years old or older: Why not run for president? Everyone else in your party is doing it.

This “deep state” bit is mostly a red herring. If you’re not familiar with that term, look it up in the dictionary.

Why should I stop raving about Palmetto Federal Credit Union? A couple of weeks ago our helper there spent one and a half hours helping us, and we have another appointment with her today.

spring shed its bright clothes / azalea blossoms heaped high / wet with last night's storm 

If you've lived in Columbia nearly 40 years, you shouldn't need directional signs all through the Vista.

Message to The State: Spurrier is gone. Let it go!

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is one of the new young faces in Congress. I was glad to welcome her as a lawmaker in Washington but she is vigorously squandering her political capital right at the outset. Too bad.

This year's Puppet Slam was one of the dumbest things I have ever seen.

Want to start off by saying I usually write funny light-hearted things to the Rant & Rave, but this isn't funny at all. Feel that we should stick cameras in as many public places as allowed. Who can argue against them after this past week?

So, yeah, I've been hitting the dating sites, and I decided to set up all the dates that agreed to meet me at the same time and place. They all showed up at seven, and I got us a table for 12. Six of them left immediately when they figured out what was going on; two got interested in each other and left together; one got drunk and had to have a cab called; the last two did Rock-Paper-Scissors for me, and I now have no need for selfies. Sometimes you've just gotta play the odds.

We were driving through The Vista Sunday night around 7:30 p.m. and saw no less than three police cruisers in three blocks. I wonder how many were in Five Points when Samantha Josephson got into the wrong car early Friday morning?

Godzilla is NOT dead.

When are people going to realize that the wide white line at the stop sign or stoplight is called a STOP LINE? It's to show you where to stop; not after or on top of, forcing pedestrians to walk around them in the street. When is CPD going to start ticketing these people for running a red light or blocking crosswalks? If Columbia is going to enforce the jaywlking laws, why not ticket the cars forcing pedestrians out of the crosswalks?

Orangeburg is the unflushed toilet of South Carolina.

The murder of Samantha Josephson does not represent Columbia any more than Dylann Roof represents Charleston, but it should spur all of us to make this city a better place for our children.

The reason I've never had a Facebook account is simple: I've never wanted to get Zucked. 

He said we cannot do it. Regardless, I fear that the soul of our country died when he spoke of using machine guns against migrants. 

To all of you Trump haters: I don't agree with everything Trump says or does, but it's good to have someone in the White House with some guts and a big set.  When I go to bed at night I feel safe because I know that if anyone messes with us, we will blow their arse off the map.

This is a rave to the 282 Army Band from Fort Jackson. They brought joy to everyone who saw their roaming concert on Main Street Saturday evening. It was an uplifting act of kindness that was much appreciated.

Barbie just turned 60. She doesn’t look a day over 48.

Hey, it’s April. Happy National Poetry Month.

There are new laws about dams. It’s called That Dam Law.

I love the fact that no mental patients live on Bull Street anymore. They are building many businesses. April Fool’s!

I like to get up this time of night and read a little, then go back to sleep.

It’s that time of year again, when the City of Columbia inspects all the taxi cabs and Ubers and Lyfts and makes sure all of them are 100 percent safe for everyone in Columbia, SC. Oh, wait. They don’t inspect the Ubers and Lyfts. Hmm. I wonder why that is? I guess you are on your own, cupcake.

This is D. This message is for J. You came after me full force, and I told you that I wasn’t ready. Now that I am ready, I can’t get a response from you. I’m all woman. I was hoping you were all man. I want to know what’s on your mind. I need to know.

Shouldn’t the Mayo Clinic hire Mike Spence as its spokesman?

More than 180 acres at BullStreet and all they could come up with is a lousy 20 acres for what could have been the city’s main park? So much for Mayor Benjamin’s world class city vision.

April showers wash pollen into the streets / in urine colored rivulets that flow to the sea. / Do crabs, shrimp and fishies have allergies, too / swimming in estuaries of yellow snot on the way to the sea?

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