Prunes

What would a person call a breakfast drink made from dried prunes? Prune Tang.

[In reference to Rant and Rave, Nov. 7] This is to the Yeah Guy, wanting to know about his ultrasound. It depends on whether you received that seed missionary or doggy style.

Are cars today not equipped with turn signals or are people too frickin’ stupid to know how to use them?

I’m over the traffic nightmare at Lexington Medical Center. A driver searching for a parking spot will kill you. At best, you’ll get trapped in the parking lot forever and die of old age! I’m moving on.

My niece taught in SC for five years. She moved to Alabama. She is making $6,500 a year more. No wonder great teachers are leaving and there is a teacher shortage. My cousin's child has a substitute (with only a high school diploma) as the full-time teacher because the district cannot fill the position. I think that any income taxes paid on lottery winnings should go to teacher salaries/pay raises. Can you imagine how much tax will be paid to SC on the recent $1 billion winnings?  Better than letting the legislators spend it on their pet projects. Let's bring great teachers back to SC.

The telephone mailbox is FULL.

The Columbia Police Department has completely surrendered the city to red-light runners. A total failure to control. Right turns on red are particularly interesting. It is supposed to be "after stop." In fact it is, "after slowing down just enough so as not to flip over in the turn."  Was the surrender official, or just a giving up? It was long ago, that much is clear.  

If y'all knew by how few votes these people have been winning these local elections, you wouldn't be saying it doesn't matter. Don't lay down and die just yet.

OK we've paved I-77 twice. Can we please resurface the bridges? Come on, man. They suck! It's like dodging land mines out there. And tires and alignments haven't gotten any cheaper. 

Like a coach sending in a play from the sideline, I think we should be able to tell texting drivers to get off the phone by giving them the bird. The ol' "You're No. 1" signal will now mean, "Get off the phone and watch the road you sorry mother#!ker. 

*Insert orange justice* Puff, puff, poof, poof, puff, poof.

My sister reads Rant and Rave every Friday at work. GET BACK TO WORK ASH!

Hey, this is the High Guy back with a random thought of the day. I’m a big fan of the small grocery store shopping carts. However, they need their own return lane in the parking lot. They have no business mixing with the larger carts. This has been the High Guy.

Now that someone hit the big lottery, I know Harvest Hope and Oliver Gospel Mission won’t have no problems, and Lord, I know all our roads are going to get fixed now. Hallelujah.

When in the world are they going to fix that water leak on Leesburg Road, between Trotter and Caughman? It’s been like that for almost a year and nobody has fixed the thing yet. Water just leaks out in the main road. Please, somebody get on the water department or someone. It shouldn’t take that long.

Pray for America.

Ah, South Congaree. The sights. The sounds. The smells.

[In reference to Rant and Rave, Oct. 24] To the Swiss Kid who said Lindsey was a girl’s name. It’s also a surname. It’s mine.

Hey, Swiss Kid aka Cheese Breath. It is an English and Southern tradition to give sons the surname of an honored forefather as a first name. Have you ever heard of Ashley Cooper or Carroll Campbell? That’s a burn.

OK, you’ve got a million more jobs available than there are people hunting jobs right now. I don’t understand what Democrats are whining about. They ought to be happy.

If I use my company’s credit card like the Richland County Council uses their government credit card, I would be fired on the spot.

Why would anyone in their right mind get on a bicycle and attach a little scooter for their baby and ride around at 5:15 on Rosewood Drive at the height of closing time traffic.

When I was in the military, I had to take a mobility bag to work. The commander said, “Where’s your bag?” I said, “I think she’s still home sleeping.”

Y’all know that Pooty graduated from Clemson. Maybe that’s the reason he’s got a vendetta against the bars of Five Points. Think about it.

[In reference to Rant and Rave, Oct. 24] Why are we still talking about August Krickel? It’s November.

I drove my old Yugo to Hell, Michigan. That’s right: Yugo to Hell.

Hey, did you hear about the man who invented the silent alarm clock? He won the Nobel Prize.

I just want everyone to know that, no matter what you see in our world today, in our political realm, God is still in charge and God is still in control. He is the ultimate judge of everything.

Blind Guy, put more thought into your rants before you phone in.

I’m surprised the mail bomber wasn’t a Democrat, because he was so incompetent.

Patrick Davis is about as country as Marie Osmond used to try to be.

There is only one poll that really matters. It was taken on Nov. 6.

All right, South Carolina, as you leave 2018 and go into 2019, remember, you will reap what you sow. If you want to reap good things, you better sow good things.

I didn’t ask for anything I was born with. Looks, gifts, talents, color. God created me and gave it all to me.

I’ll know black people have finally arrived when they can freely say they voted Republican without being shouted down by the mob.

I used to love to watch the World Series, but not anymore. Too much spitting brown tobacco juice. I’m sure the wives must love that. So gross.

I’m sorry for saying our president’s name was Donald Trump. I was so wrong. Our actual president is Sean Hannity.

If I win the lottery, I’m going to remain anonymous. I’m not even going to tell my wife and kids.

I like two kinds of music. Country and Western. Yeah.

Dick Harpootlian ran for state senator. I thought he wanted to be the mayor of Five Points or the Vista dog catcher.

Hi. I just watched a Buick commercial.

The way leftists act when they are out of power tells me they have no business ever being in power.

How many times am I going to get a phone call from these scammers? Why can’t we pick up their algorithms and then scan it to where we can at least find a city where they are putting this out? This is BG, the Blind Guy. How many calls am I going to get, AT&T and Apple? I’m on the “do not call” list.

So, SCE&G, you’re going down. The Base Load Review Act was a rubber stamp. Stamp it one more time for Dominion. Hey Dominion, why don’t you just go home? You were supposed to give me $1,000. This BG, the Blind Guy. Where the hell are you people? We’ve got a right to b#!ch.

Hey Megyn Kelly, this is Figaro. I thought you were black. I gave you the Cadillac.

I’m not as worried about Russian meddling in our elections as I am Hungarian meddling. George Soros is not an American citizen.

Bring back Free Will Astrology. If nothing else, it was filled with factoids and insights. It gave balance to the paper. Oh, Charleston owns the **Free Times** now. What do they care?

The proliferation of social media has caused and is causing the problems that we are facing today and the last few years, with pipe bombers, church shooters and race hate. People are more anti-social, because they don’t have to get face-to-face and it breeds hatred.

Mobadu is back! This time he’s taking the gloves off.

Preach, is that your voice on the **Free Times** recorded message? You sound so black. Is that intentional?

Check yourself and your ignorant philosophy. This is Boskey Nooks.

Last week I tried to call the Rant and Rave. A recording said, “This mailbox is full.” Is that lady related to Siri?

I applied for a new passport at the U.S. post office. The people there were very professional. Here I come, Aruba!

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