Haley mug

Gov. Nikki Haley endorses presidential hopeful Marco Rubio during a rally Wednesday, Feb. 17, 2016 in Chapin. Grace Beahm/Staff

Views expressed are those of our readers, not us. Need to get something off your chest? Leave a message with your rant or rave at 765-0707 ext. 126 or email RANTandRAVE@free-times.com. Submissions will be edited for length and spelling but not grammar. Please limit emailed submissions to 100 words.

No one should be fooled by Nikki Haley. Say no to Nikki Haley.

A rave for the staff and volunteers at Congaree Swamp National Park for their skill, efficiency, and cheerfulness in organizing and running the synchronized firefly event. The bugs shone too.

If global warming is so fake, why are temperatures getting hotter and hotter and billions of tons of ice are melting and weather events are getting more extreme just as the scientists predicted? Tell me that, oh Orange One.

Congressman Joe “do nothing” Wilson is very talented. He eats lunch, shakes hands, eats lunch again, smiles for photographs, and shakes more hands. No leadership. Just a drone pandering to the military and the NRA.

I should name you Chicken Little.

Hello, this is Governor Henry McMasterbator. I was calling to say that if Clemson is Al Pacino, then UofSUCK must be Fredo. Peace out from Governor McMasterbator. Good night.

Kellyanne Conway supports Trump. But can you ask her how many farmers have gone bankrupt since the Chinese stopped buying $14 billion worth of soybeans?

The Taste Buds went to Palmetto Pig. Our buddy Mike is now an honorary member. Oink, oink.

Hey Dick Harpootlian, I live in Shandon a couple blocks from the Rosewood Dairy Bar. I found a milkshake cup in my front yard this morning. I think we should shut them down.

The actor Peter Fonda passed away. He was the son of legend Henry Fonda and the brother of Hanoi Jane Fonda. Rest in peace, Peter.

So it’s a hate crime if it has anything to do with race, religion, or sexual orientation. But it doesn’t have anything there for persons with disabilities. What’s up with that? Oh, anybody could perform a hate crime against person with disabilities?

I saw a fat policeman in Columbia trying to get in his police car. He needed a shoehorn.

The wrong Amazon is burning and the wrong ICE is melting.

Dear Old White Male Politicians: Your time is short. Can you hear the footsteps of the next generation coming for all of you old backward, hypocritical white men trying to take us back to the 1950s? You cannot beat them, your time is short, theirs is long. They don’t harbor your old white male privilege and ignorant hatred. They will unwind all of your hateful greedy legacy.

Are we not proud of our sheriff’s department? They have succeeded in keeping Mr. Hardee incarcerated for the heinous crime of wanting a bit on the side. A perfect example of a manufactured crime!

Thank you to all the teachers. If you choose teaching, please understand that it is a PROFESSION. You must be professional. Please understand that it is a JOB. Be thankful to have a job. Please understand that the pay is TOO LOW. Raise salaries for teachers! Please understand that it requires MATURITY. Do you have it?

Man, the okra is so good at this time of the year. I pan fried some freshly cut baby okra and I added a touch of salt and pepper. That’s delicious and nutritious. Rave for okra.

All around the world obesity is recognized as a disease of malnutrition. Why are malnourished South Carolinians everywhere I go in this state?

My worth and value as a person rests on who I am in Christ. My position in the world simply defines my opportunities to serve.

Former USC Athletics Director Mike McGee passed away. He did many great things for USC. We’ll miss him.

Rave, rave, rave for the Victoria’s Secret at the Village at Sandhills, namely for two wonderful associates. One is Whitney, one is Melissa. Rave, rave, rave. I am a customer for life, a non-binary individual and all that. They are not judgmental, just fantastic people. You need to go there and ask for Whitney and Melissa.

Is there a rule requiring ambulance drivers to be inconsiderate idiots? Why operate your sirens in residential areas between 1 a.m. and 6 a.m.? I would love the opportunity to blast your asses out of bed with a piercing noise to return the favor!

Food Lion recently advertised Nathan’s foot long franks on sale. Problem: No one in the area sells foot long buns!

Yes, has anybody else noticed how they are boogering up the landscape in Columbia and all the surrounding areas with those steel telephone poles? Put those monstrosities under the ground.

Why do black women tailgate so much on the interstates? I’m just saying.

Hey folks. A lot of people support Trump, and Trump supports the NRA. People in South Carolina support Trump. Is that why they call this the red state? Do people have blood on their hands?

The Turtle has a question for climate change deniers: Why do you hate your children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren? Something needs to be done today about climate change.

I got pulled over today by a Richland County deputy, and she was the prettiest thing I ever saw. Richland County has some babes for deputies, and I am so glad I live in this county.

It really saddens me to hear we are not getting Sturgill Simpson for the Jam Room Festival. I understand that is one of the promoter’s favorite artists. Maybe Sturgill can come next year.

Have you all really thought about what a country run by haters would look like? Anarchy is not pretty, and we are all in a free fall with these Santa Claus Democratic candidates.

I bit into an apple and found half a worm. Where’s the other half?

Telling me not to talk is like telling a bird not to fly.

My office has special lunches on Tuesday. Taco Tuesday!

Any con man who runs a Ponzi scheme always has to have fresh money coming in. Isn’t that why Trump is trying to get a hold of Greenland?

This is the Lizard Man from Bishopville. I just wanted to say I took the summer off because it was so hot. But hurricane season is here, and the Lizard Man is coming out of the swamps, my friends. I love hurricane weather.

Did you know trap music comes from Austria? Von Trapp House. Home to the original Trapp Music! I’m wit’ the edelweiss, I’m wit’ the edelweiss, y’all betta know I’m nice.

Why can’t we just build a wall around the hurricane? It’s foreign.

The president, vice president, all members of Congress, all governors and other state office holders should every day be served the exact same lunches provided for school children in this country. If they were forced to eat that for lunch every day, day after day, maybe they would put a little more money into the budgets for school lunches. They are disgusting. If it is good enough for our children, it should be good enough for our elected officials, and if it isn’t, they should do something about it.

Yes, the light is green. No, I will not block the box. But perhaps your mom should have.

[In reference to Rant and Rave, Aug. 14] Some genius writes, “Let’s kill the economy. Vote Democrat for president.” It was a Democratic president who got the economy working again.   

[In reference to Rant and Rave, Aug. 28] Why you wearin’ a coat in August in Columbia, S.C.?

Let’s take it down to basics. Nobody with a comb-over has ever been trustworthy.

Downtown Main Street needs a boiled peanut vendor. Wednesdays thru Friday from 11 a.m. until 3 p.m. Bank.

I read R&R religiously every week. By the time it’s printed with the Trump rants, HE’S TOPPED HIMSELF from the week before! What’s the bar?

This is a rant to Senator Bernie Sanders. You couldn’t be bothered to stick up for Representative Tulsi Gabbard after she was shut out of the third debate by the Democratic National Committee over dubious and opaque polling criteria. She torched her career during the 2016 election to stand up for YOU, resigned from her position with the DNC to endorse YOU, and stood up for you against a corrupt and rigged primary process. Perhaps the celebrity, money, and name recognition have caused you to forget the meaning of loyalty and integrity. #Tulsi2020orBust

Just how fast can I drive around here to get a speeding ticket? How may lights can I run? How close can I get to the car in front of me? Can I cut others’ off if I use my turn signal? Is it OK to act as if I’m the only driver on the road? And another thing — can I throw my McDonald’s trash out my car window? Just asking. I’m sure none of YOU do these things!

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