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Rant and Rave: Night Vision

Views expressed are those of our readers, not us. Need to get something off your chest? Leave a message with your rant or rave at 765-0707 ext. 126 or email RANTandRAVE@free-times.com. Submissions will be edited for length and spelling but not grammar. Please limit emailed submissions to 100 words.


Moscow Mitch’s head is stuffed so far up Trump’s fat ass even night vision goggles are useless.

The USC men's basketball team would win more games if they could make their foul shots.

There’s a neglected dog living next door to me. His bark sounds like Dave Chappelle.

Back in 1998 when I was 14 years old, my mom and dad moved from Greenville to Columbia. A couple years later I found them again. Yeah.

I want 2020 to be the year of truth. The Bible says, “A wise man brought him gifts." At the end of this year I want to see camels coming down Sumter Street with wise men riding on them, not Santa Claus riding on a sleigh.

I like this time of year. It is squirrel mating season.

I took my seven kids to my favorite restaurant on Wednesday for a free meal. They didn’t seem to like that I brought seven kids in for free meals.

Hey folks, love you with all my heart. I just turned the news on and Mr. Trump is talking. Behind him are two gentlemen with hard hats on, nodding. “Yes and yes.” Take those hard hats off those two guys. Their brains are gone. They will agree to anything.

It would be a sad thing to climb the ladder and find out in the end that it’s been leaning against the wrong wall.

I believe that the sun is risen. Not because I see it, but because I can see everything else.

I’ll never forget what’s-his-name.

That pricey new rooftop bar on Main? And that pricey new video golf bar? And the pricey new bowling alley bar, the pricey new market where Zoe's was, the pricey new wine bar, the pricey new chophouse by the Statehouse, the pricey new agaveria on Lady and the pricey new Korean place in the fire station? They are all the same place. $8 beers, $15 burgers. Woo hoo.

King Arthur this, King Arthur that. What about QUEEN ARTHUR? Sheez.

Given the controversy surrounding Richland County regarding misuse of funds, it makes sense that Richland One would attempt to be good stewards of our money and resources. At Keenan High the stadium lights are sometimes left on for several days, over school breaks and holidays. The scoreboard lights are constantly left on overnight for weeks at the time. Emails to the district and a face-to-face meeting at the school regarding this issue has been ignored. 

Just curious: Corona virus, is that with or without a lime wedge?

Trump’s impeachment is not about Democrats wanting to remove him or Republicans wanting to keep him in office. The purpose is to determine if Trump is guilty or innocent of the charges. With a Republican senate, that is not going to happen.  

Wouldn't it be grand if we could impeach all the liars and crooks that are complicit in Trump's crimes? Rudy, Lindsey Graham, Nunes, and countless others. The list is endless and most of these crooks will stay in office after the dust settles. And even more baffling is that most will get re-elected.

So who is the richest billionaire — Donald Trump, Tom Steyer or Michael Bloomberg?

In the neoliberal gig economy we postpone life until it is over — that’s why the afterlife is so important.

I am sick to death of hearing Harry and Meghan this and Meghan and Harry that! What American, in their right mind, gives a royal f#!k about these two when our country is going to hell in a hand basket!

Donald Trump with his Diet Cokes and his tribalism is the sheer definition of diatribe.

The President's Space Force is a made-for-television fantasy. He just introduced the uniforms and they are regular camo. Wearing camo, the space soldiers will be able to hide among the trees in space. I want Elton John to make the uniforms for Space Force: stars, glitter, comets, rocket ships, galaxies, sparkly helmets and so on. 

The Jesus I was told about in Sunday school loved all people, including prostitutes, the maimed, and the homeless. He said to protect little children and to honor thy neighbor as thyself. The current Republicans are working to diminish healthcare, public education, immigration, and voting rights. These Republicans do not love thy neighbor. They throttle safeguards for clean air and water. The current Republican Party works against the rights of we the people and for the rights of corporations. Jesus would never consider them Christians.

More prayer, more power. My mama has a cough that won’t go away and I want to do everything I can t help her. I need everybody to pray for Cecilia. Love y’all.

Last month, for the first time in my life, I got vaccinated against pneumonia. This month, for the first time in my life, I am sick as anything with pneumonia.  

All y'all who are sick, please stay home until you recover. The flu is killing people. The U.S. Center for Disease Control just said that this year's flu shot does not protect against the most common flu virus that's going around now. 

The Senate Repubs have already made it clear that they have no intention of holding a fair trial. But then they signed an oath saying that they would be impartial and fair. We are watching. Let's not be surprised if it is a puppet trial just like what would be expected if a dictator were in power. 

Hey, this is the Swiss Kid. Life is a blast when you are living on a credit card. I paid my house off in six years, and I’ve been frugal. When I was a kid I remember one time we got a bucket of chicken from KFC. But I rarely go out to eat. Life is a blast when you are on a credit card.

The Lord hates a glutton. The old Greeks will tell you why.

It sounds like eternity is 1,300 light years away. The planet is so large it has two suns. May God bless.

Hasn’t the term “bastards” become largely irrelevant in the 2000s?

Hello, Free Times. Congratulations go out to Scott Freedman and Meg Senn for getting promotions.

If you are not supposed to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the refrigerator?

I heard that Boeing employees used a Jedi mind trick to deceive FAA regulators. They also want to change the name of the 737 Max to the Death Star.

Going vegetarian in a mis-steak.

I’m reading this Kevin Fisher column where he says it’s time to move on at USC [City Watch, Jan. 8]. Man, he really took it personal.

The Baltimore Ravens lost to the Tennessee Titans in the NFL playoffs. I didn’t know a raven could lay an egg.

My granddaughter is such a hard player. She is like a hummingbird.

I told the doc I broke my leg in two places. He said, “Quit going to those places.”

My friend had his dog in an urn. It’s hard to believe his dog name was Mr. Wiggles.

Who in their right mind would wear shoes or sneakers with no socks? All you are going to have is blisters and stinking feet.

This goes out to all drivers. That handle sticking out on the steering column on the left side, behind the steering wheel, that is called a turn signal. You flip it up for a right turn and flip it down for a right turn. Use it.

I have a medical bill that I disputed. The Department of Revenue sent me a letter saying they were going garnish my wages. How can they do that when I’m disputing the bill? They said there was nothing they could do and they were going to garnish my wages, and that there was nobody I could talk to about it. That doesn’t sound very American to me. That sounds like Mafia stuff.

The Cameron Curmudgeon wonders if the Republican controlled senate will defend the Constitution of the United States and uphold their oath to do that.

Donald Trump lit the fuse to the missile that took down the Ukranian airliner. He has the blood of 176 people all over him, just for a political stunt.

The Houston Astros were fined $5 million for stealing signs. That’s the biggest baseball news since Pete Rose got caught gambling on baseball.

This is how I honored Martin Luther King: I drove by Martin Luther King Park.

LSU won the national championship. I saw Coach Orgeron doing the electric slide.

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