Prison bars and hands

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Mass incarceration is a racket.

I have a dream that someday people will not be judged by the color of their skin but the contents of their garage.

Thank you all for the DIY Christmas cards you are sending to me. Please allow me to comment that you do not get more bang for your buck by cramming tiny photos onto your cards. I don’t have a magnifying glass. Your kids do not look cute hanging upside down from a fence and you look awful yourself with half your face cut off. Merry Christmas!

The new 93.1 The Lake — BORING!!! Now playing the same songs several other stations in Columbia are already playing. Nothing new or original. I miss the oldies and Carolina beach music they used to play. Now that was original local programming.

Don’t complain about the homeless people in downtown Columbia. If anything, try to help the volunteer folks that help them. I work downtown and live in Olympia. The downtown homeless are polite and friendly. Homeless in Olympia, with a few exceptions, belong on the set of Mad Max.

Your true self is exposed and made evident by what you will do for money. Argue otherwise, but what you accept for what you do will always be your price.

My rant is about overnight oats. Oatmeal doesn’t taste good unless you cook it, people.

Is the local in-town speed limit 50 or 55 miles per hour? I forget. I know it must be just a suggested speed limit by the sheer numbers of important people passing me and the complete lack of traffic control present anywhere in this town. I guess traffic rules and laws are not very important to the man who started his campaign win by T-boning a woman on Gervais Street and did not have to blow into the tube.

Big rant to Free Times. I’ve gone to two Free Times-sponsored parties now and each time the band was from out of state. You guys can do better; there’s a lot of great talent here.

Dear university administrator, your computer support person cannot be responsible for your employee deleting her own data.

Here’s hoping USC finds someone a little less carpetbaggery than Harris Pastides for its next president — I am confident they won’t.

Well, we all made it through another Thanksgiving. Except for the millions of turkeys we slaughtered and ate. Time for Christmas: Let’s all go out, cut down trees and butcher pigs.

Alert day, alert day, alert day. WIS weather: Every day is an alert day. Be alert, rain might fall on your head.

My interpretation of the lyrics from the band Garrow at Art Bar Saturday night: I watched the sun die / I watched the world die / I watched their hearts die / I wished you were here / We all need to die / I wear a cardigan.

All you radical liberals are after a free ride.

Here’s a rant out to the employees who sat in the Richland County Recreation Commission pickup trucks and did absolutely nothing. Even though they had mowers and trucks, they enjoyed the coolness by staying inside their trucks and doing nothing. Big rant out to them for use of our taxpayers’ money.

Do they still make encyclopedias?

I think there should also be some prayer warriors in the White House. They should have a room where they meet.

The service at McDonald’s is horrible.

Yeah, from personal experience, do not go to Baptist downtown for emergency care. Lousiest service I ever had and still I got the same damn problem.

Harper’s closed because the food started to suck. Even the taste bud-challenged old ladies clubs that used to be regulars agree.

Hey folks, we were going to have a barbecue. I told the young lady next to me we were going to have a butt rub and she smacked me.

To my children: I did not threaten your mother with bodily harm at any time.

I can’t tell the difference between the modern adventure films and video games. They look the same to me on TV.

Every week there’s some clown on here moaning about Uber and how it’s killing the Cola taxi scene. And every week I get stuck behind or cut off by some fume-belching bumper-falling-off antique piece of s#!t that I wouldn’t hail for my worst enemy. Then I travel to Phoenix or Denver or San Diego, and the cabs are better than the Ubers — faster, cleaner and friendlier, all driving nearly new cars. Take a hint, hacks. Lead, follow or get run the hell over.

Hey, Merry Christmas folks. If you believe this, put your hand on the Bible and tell me that Donald Trump, our president, weighs 239 pounds. I’m 240 and he’s a lot bigger than me. Merry Christmas.

In light of the season, I would like to nominate Fox News as the leading communist-sympathizing, yellow journalism publication of the world.

Life is too short to be a left-winger. Think about it. Left-wingers torture themselves trying to keep up with the latest imaginary outrage.

My television has hundreds of channels. The only thing worth watching is National Geographic.

Let’s bring back Prohibition and let’s legalize pot at the same time. We get rid of the substance that causes the most harm.

Hey Columbia, quit crying about New Brookland Tavern. (“All-Ages Concerts Are a Crucial Part of Columbia Music,” cover story, Dec. 12) There’s a new venue in town, in Cayce, called Steel Hands Brewing. Hopefully they’re going to get a lot of great concerts.

I’m walking on the sidewalk in South Congaree and up by the Dollar General there’s a bag of trash that’s been lying by the side of the road here for two years and nobody’s ever picked it up.

Hey, um, big can be beautiful, but that doesn’t mean big is beautiful. It can be the opposite as well.

Mark December the 12th, 2018, as the day in history that Donald Trump sealed his impeachment fate.

I got a job as a Walmart greeter, but I got in trouble for talking too much.

If Donald Trump said the moon is made of cheese, some of his enthusiastic supporters would believe it, and some Republican leaders would pretend to believe it.

Person that went to see The Nutcracker (Rant and Rave, Dec. 12): If she’s got enough time or he’s got enough time to scan the audience, they’re not there for the real reason. Who cares if somebody comes looking like a hobo?

This state needs to change the lottery system from college to K-12, including teachers’ pay and buses.

We are not saving money with the approved SCANA utility rates. We are just paying less, for the next 20 years.

CBS CEO leaves without his multimillion dollar severance package. Why can’t we do the same with that and retirement packages for the crooked, lying SCANA scum of the earth, low life, POS, asshat executives?

The Platinum West ad for Stormy Daniels’ appearance stated that any patron who dressed like Trump would be admitted for half price. Did that mean dressed like Trump for the G20 or dressed like Trump during his dalliance with Stormy?

OK, so y’all really just quit publishing the Astrology section? This is, uh, bulls#!t.

My friend and I went to Palmetto Pig. The food is excellent.

Pot is so legal in so many states, and in Washington DC. So, President Trump, let’s make it legal. And let’s take all that money and use it to fight the heroin and meth and other stuff.

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