Rant and Rave: Haley working overtime

haley tight.jpg

Former U.N. Ambassador and South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley discusses her new book, "With All Due Respect," on Tuesday, Nov. 12, 2019, in New York. Grace Beahm Alford/Staff

Views expressed are those of our readers, not us. Need to get something off your chest? Leave a message with your rant or rave at 765-0707 ext. 126 or email RANTandRAVE@free-times.com. Submissions will be edited for length and spelling but not grammar. Please limit emailed submissions to 100 words.


I have already warned you and now it is truly happening: Nikki Haley just popped up again with her mouth working overtime. No ma'am.

I would like to hear “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. This is the request line, right?

Yes, I saw on the news on TV that people are suing the DMV because they can’t afford to pay their tickets and are getting their license suspended. They say it is unfair. Well, if people didn’t run the red lights, speed and drive uninsured vehicles and all of that, they wouldn’t need the tickets.

I almost puked in my toastieswhen reading the newspaper interviews of candidates for office in West Columbia. They all extolled the virtues of the fire, sanitation and police departments. As a 50-year resident of West Columbia, let me set the record straight. The fire and sanitation departments are, indeed, top notch. Water rates are outrageous and steadily rising. And the police? They have a bad habit of ignoring serious violations, like speeding and distracted driving.

It’s chili today, hot tamale.

Here is a piece of advice to independent health insurance agents: Stick with your bogus Gamecock/Tiger talk and don’t go messing your buddies’, aka clients’ health insurance coverage. Let’s be honest: You snored right through your CE class; cheated on your AHIP exam and have no clue what deductible is. Also, don’t tell your clients you are doing them a favor by helping and then send them straight to the company to get their most basic questions taken care of. Yes, I am talking to you.

If Rant and Rave doesn’t have black folks as 50 percent of its reporters or whatever, isn’t Free Times just white trash?

I saw a teenage boy who is so fat that he can barely walk. God bless you, son. I am sorry, sorry, sorry for your dilemma. 

Some people made a report for Gov. Henry McMaster on managing flooding in SC. It says that rivers should be channelized. Excuse me. Channelizing rivers makes flooding worse. Please check the science, y’all.

Who is that interrupting loudmouth with the long dark hair at the side of Donald Trump, Jr.?  

Lindsey Graham, what are you doing? It’s time to give it a rest, man. You’re confusing us so you must be confused. You aren’t going to make things right in Washington, DC, Lindsey. They’re too far gone and so, apparently, are you.  

Hillary Clinton says many people are urging her to run for president. I am many people myself, and I urge you, Hillary, to please go away.  

My friends are celebrating No Shave November. I hope I look like a silver fox and not a gray wolf.

When I was a kid we used to smoke pot for $20 an ounce. As you get older, now we just smoke turkey. Have a good Thanksgiving.

Where does a vampire like to water ski? Lake Erie.

God’s ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts. Our greatest need is to learn His ways.

I went to three different McDonald’s drive-thrus on Sunday morning around 6:30. The first one didn’t have biscuits and gravy ready. The second one said I had to come inside to make the order. The third one said it would be 30 minutes before they could take any orders. Y’all have ruined McDonald’s.

Hey SCANA, where’s my f#!king money, you sorry bastards? You are a bunch of bloodsucking bastards.

Hey, I hope you went to church. I went to school in Switzerland, and I still can’t tell when blue cheese is bad. I have some blue cheese in the fridge, and I still can’t tell if this stuff is good or bad. Over and out.

Lindsey Graham does for senators what Hitler did for the mustache. 

100.7 radio’s Keven Cohen, would you please stop letting that dumb woman on your afternoon show, pleasssse? It is making your show a big JOKE. Yes, joke. I’ll volunteer to co-host and help you with your show. Call me.   

I’m sick of seeing these yard clean-up people and companies clean yards and then blow all the crap into the streets and leaving it. Would this not be considered littering? Trash is trash, even yard waste, right? Especially when the crap ends up blowing into my yard after a day or so. Come on, Columbia Police Department, start ticketing these littering assholes. And then the city has to bring these big trucks out to clean up the sewers because they’re clogged up with yard waste. Hey Mayor Benjamin, do something about it and earn your money for a change. Thanks.

$50 Checks? REALLY? South Carolina finally gets a windfall to help with our roads, schools, infrastructure, law enforcement, and other needs for which our governor says we don’t have enough money, but Henry decides to treat us to a few fast food meals. Gee, thanks.

Do you know who else, besides Trump, labeled the free press “the enemy of the people?” Among others, Joseph Stalin, Adolph Hitler and Mao Tse-tung.

Thanks, library! With our new health insurance, its literally cheaper to die. 

Candidates are “popping off” on this one candidate raising taxes on the rich to pay for things. How many congressman will be burned by income taxes doing this, and be stupid enough to vote for it?

Medicare isn’t cheap nor free. My wife and I pay $750 per month for our Medicare insurance.

How often do you check this phone message thing anyway? Y’all are really lazy. You seem to hate to have to transcribe anything, so you let people email. But people who call in with opinions, you might see it three months later. Come on! Get with the program.

Damn, every time I turn around since Monday the phone rings and it’s Donald Trump asking for donations for his legal team. What’s up, Don? I thought you were the one. I thought you had the money. I thought you had the honey. Oh, you have the honey, she hot. But I’m not going to give you any money. You already got money, pal. What the hell? Use your own damn money for your legal team. What are you asking the public for? You haven’t even cleaned up the swamp.

White collar crime is up, up, up!

What’s up, Mr. D?

I love fruitcake.

My wife and I are on the mailing list of about a dozen or so conservative organizations. They all claim to be defending the Constitution. So how come most of them never quote it?

Trump’s property taxes did not go up. But people at the beach are going to pay more taxes. Someone find out what Lindsey Graham’s up to.

God bless California, with all the fires they have there. But this happens every year. How come they haven’t figured out a way to battle this and to take care of it? It happens every year. God bless ‘em.

My grandkids like animal crackers. For some reason they never want to eat the elephants.

We rescued a bull mastiff, and she’s getting bigger every day. She’s a love bug.

Two of the Taste Buds went to the restaurant Bubba’s Biscuits. The biscuits are huge. Yeah.

I just read in the USA Today that taxi driver is the worst job in the United States. I have a long list of people I’d like to thank. Of course I’d like to thank Uber, Lyft and the unregulated rideshares. I’d like to thank the City of Columbia, especially Mayor Steve Benjamin, and Nikki Haley and the state Legislature. I could go on and on. But, thank you.

Is it just me or is the president of Benedict College super hot?

Is candy corn made out of wax?

My favorite actors are Ice Cube, Ice T and Ice Tray.

Rave for the House for moving forward on an impeachment inquiry. Definitely a rave. It is a legal way for Congress to remove the president from office. He never should have been in office in the first place.

My last military order was, “Whatever job you get after your 20 years of service, make sure it’s an inside job.”

Another message from the Sad Senior: My friend quit her job three years ago to care for her incapacitated mother. Her mother recently died, and now medical bills are swamping her. Maybe bankruptcy is best.

People don’t understand Mr. Trump. But Matthew 7: 17-20 will explain Mr. Trump. His dad was a crook, he’s a crook, his kids are crooks. Who taught his kids to swindle people down in Charleston?

So Lindsey, your sister is now the commissioner at the Commission for the Blind. Darline, all I can say is this: Is it a crime to ignore the priority laws?

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