GOP Elephant and Democrat Donkey

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This is a rant to all of the politicians: All of you are sellouts. All of you. You’re honest until you ask “How much?”

It is so sad that Alison Lee is not the new appeals judge. How can y’all not have checks and balances? You’re doing stupid s#!t.

Most of y’all are way too privileged.

KKK, why don’t you leave us alone? Can’t you see we’re already doing your bidding? We are killing each other. We ain’t helping each other. And y’all STILL want to pour fire on something? Tell Satan to sit his ass down somewhere.

Rant and Rave, do something! Free Times, do something!

Hey UofSC, you have the potential to be an awesome school. But why are your graduates drunks?

I heard there was going to be an album of Kenny G’s greatest hits. Those songs are going to be hard to find.

Every couple of months I have a moment of clarity.

Donald Trump isn’t the “art of the deal.” He should be “the deal with the devil.”

Hey, I’ve got one for you. This name is heralded in cartoon lore. I’m just going to go ahead and say it: Dino. Dino is a scumbag. Do not seek services from anyone named Dino. Backstabbing scumbag.

I see a lot of women wearing shoes with no socks. I wonder if their feet stink.

South Congaree: a cartoon caricature of the South.

I’m so damn sick of these drivers in Columbia. They drive horribly. We have the worst drivers in the nation. There’s no f#!king police presence. It’s f#!king horrible. I hate driving in this city.

[In reference to Rant and Rave, Feb. 13] It’s not enough that orangutans are seriously threatened with extinction. No, they have to be further subjected to insult by some schmuck suggesting Trump looks like one.

My friend took the tag off his mattress. Isn’t that against the law? Yeah.

I kid you not but you can tell there are different people in charge of Rant and Rave week to week and last week’s editor sucked! Weed out the short and moronic and print some legit rants that made the Free Times fly out of the racks! I think whoever writes Crime Blotter was somehow involved. Seriously, copy and post!

Bernie and Pocahontas would be the Democratic dream ticket. Booker/Harris is the photogenic ticket for the Democratic Party.

Kudos to Sen. Harpootlian for shining the spotlight on the ineptitude and buffoonery that was evident at the county elections and voter registration board, which is also rampant at the Columbia Housing Authority. All local government boards and commissions are horribly infected with the disease.

We do not need any more student housing in downtown Columbia! Enough!

[In reference to Free Times, Feb. 20] “After a decades-long ban, 2018 was the first year in which Palmetto State farmers could legally grow hemp ... A myriad of stipulations and background checks were placed on these farmers.” Our Republican lawmakers love to tout their business-friendly, anti-regulation cred, so it’s a real laugh (as in bitter, into-the-void type laughing) to read lines like this. Apparently, this anti-regulation stance only applies to certain sectors (i.e. wasteful energy corporations, political consulting firms, etc.) But for people in our state that actually grow and produce something of worth, in this case hemp, state leadership sees fit to make them jump through every imaginable hoop, because of an outdated stigma.

“Donald Trump! Donald Trump! Bad, Bad, Bad!” Just keep repeating this endlessly for the next two years. Wince every time you say his name. If he’s for it we’re against it, and vice versa. Have you heard? He’s a racist! His supporters even beat up that black gay guy on Empire. Wow, this is easy! No thinking required, here in the new “progressive” McCarthy era.

Crazy weather! Now mom’s got a cold! Awwwwwww. She got it from Jean! Now it’s a whole thing with Jean.

Comparing SUSTO to Wilco is FAKE NEWS. 

I never thought I would see the day South Carolina values would meld with New York abruptness but here we are. A certain South Carolina senator is bending over backwards to support the biggest liar ever elected to a certain position. Lindsey, just blink twice into the camera if he has something on ya. We’ll understand and it will explain your sudden flip flop POSITION.

He announced the national emergency to his people. Then he went to the situation room with his esteemed advisers to monitor the crisis from minute to minute. Wait, my bad. I meant to say then he went to a jet and flew away to a tropical resort for some golf.

When we wake up — know this right here — y’all’s asses are in trouble.

Black people, the rest of the world is with you. They know what you went through. White people, you better get your act together.

Good morning. I saw road rage this morning. The guy had a “Believe” tag on his car and he was cutting another guy off. West Columbia Police were sitting right there watching and didn’t move. So, y’all be safe on this road. Be safe and God bless.

The Cameron Curmudgeon can’t help but notice that our current orange president is overstepping his bounds and usurping power from Congress. He’s trying to create a dictatorship in this country. There is no national emergency at the border.

You know Starbucks coffee is very expensive. I’m going to open a coffee shop and call it Starbuckless. I mean, uh oh.

I wonder how many illegal immigrants Trump, on all his properties, hired while he was out teabagging porno stars adulterously.

[In reference to City Watch, Feb. 13] I see my old buddy Kevin Fisher is at it again, writing about things that he knows nothing about. His latest is defending the spiteful, obnoxious Kim Murphy, who would like nothing more than to bring down one of the best school districts in the state with her frivolous lawsuits and obnoxious behavior. Hey Kevin Fisher, why don’t we send Kim Murphy to your school district to try to ruin it? Oh, you probably wouldn’t care because you don’t give a s#!t about education. Shut up, Kevin Fisher, and stop writing stupid ass columns.

Sometimes wrong helps us find the right.

The only national emergency is to impeach this idiot president.

No rebellion against God ever results in good.

My lunch crew and I went to Palmetto Pig. We really pigged out.

Rest in peace, Harold White.

Guess what day it is when the Free Times comes out? Hump day!

My wife and I have been married 39 long years. We found out a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

Denny Hamlin won the Daytona 500, the Super Bowl of motorsports. At least Kyle “The Crybaby” Busch didn’t win.

Two families sitting on the beach. One father has been drinking for hours. He’s stumbling over himself, falling face first into the sand. The children are laughing. It’s socially accepted. A second father fires up a joint. Immediately he is crucified.

To whom little is not enough, nothing is not enough.

Don’t listen to what I say, listen to what I mean.

Hey, Lexington council, why are you so stingy with street lights? You could prevent nighttime accidents. Quite a few, actually, in rainy weather and foggy weather. Spend the extra money from tourist taxes on safety.

I’m really tired of the lack of police presence around Columbia for speeders.

I have a rant, South Carolina: You better get rid of Lindsey Graham. He done overstepped his boundaries.

The entire Richland County Elections Board was fired. Yes!

Why is it that, when people talk about going to eat at Waffle House, they never say they are going to order waffles?

If white privilege is such a big advantage, how come Elizabeth Warren claimed to be a Cherokee Indian to get a job a Harvard Law School?

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