Lindsey Graham

Lindsey Graham

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If you don’t print everything I said, then you’re not real.

I’ve lived in Columbia for nearly 40 years. I was wondering, why did it take so long to put up directional signs all through the Vista and downtown? I’m glad they did it, but it does make you wonder why it took so long. I’d like to get the answer to that question immediately.

I’m part of my office’s lunch crew. We call ourselves the Taste Buds.

even the produce aisle becomes a museum of extinct birds / their ecstatic mourning tantrums racket-brash / from football stadium speakers—how else / to recover the reckless animal in us?

It’s not until you ask how much to the politicians of the world, if that makes any sense.

What is my daughter’s favorite class? Photoshop.

I’ve learned over the years: Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things.

I think I saw Columbia City Ballet director William Starrett the other day. Or it might have been Mick Jagger. Or the Joker.

When I think of St. Patrick’s Day I think of Notre Dame and Lucky Charms cereal. That’s why I don’t like St. Patrick’s Day.

It’s great that some organizations are out picking up litter and putting it in bright orange bags. But who picks up the bags? I’ve had some on my road for three weeks.

Hey, Dominion Energy, quit spending all this damn money telling me why I’m not getting my thousand dollars, and just give me the thousand dollars back and keep the rest. You guys are crazy, man.

U.S. Attorney General William Barr can just go ahead and kiss my &*%.

[singing] Donald Trump is a piece of s#!t, he’s a human breathing piece of s#!t. Yeah!

On I-26 at the St. Andrews Road exit, the speed limit drops to 55. Almost every car that comes through that zone goes 70, 80, 90 mph. Can the police not enforce that law there? Thank you.

I’ve got to rave about Congaree National Park. It is so close and so wonderful and admission is free. Spring is the right time: nice days with very few bugs. It’s a dose of mental health. Nature! 

If children are such a precious asset, why do a lot of underprivileged mothers let their children run wild?

Hey folks, here’s a couple questions: Isn’t our president vindictive, and doesn’t he believe everything on TV? In 1939, wasn’t Al Capone released from prison because he had syphilis?

Richland 1’s getting huge. So’s Richland 2. I think Richland County should be broked up into a Richland 3 school district.

My best friends name their children names of places they were conceived in. They have a son named Motel 6 and a daughter named Super 8.

The City of Columbia is finally cleaning up Devine Street after that thousand-year flood. What about getting rid of Taboo Adult Superstore? When are they going to do that?

Drama peoples out there, know that the weed burn you.

This is Max. I’m BG the Blind Guy’s canine dog. I just want to say this: Ruff bruff bruff bruh bruff no collusion.

A friend of mine just had her power cut off because she’s single and disabled and couldn’t afford to pay her bill. She sure could have used that $1,000 refund. Think about the people you’re hurting.

A Poem About the City Poet: There once was a Irish boy from Beedeville / He went up the hill to get away from the work of a rice mill. / Far from the farm he studied to be a poet / wouldn’t you know it. / Enjoy poetry month / But nothing rhymes with month!

Lindsey Graham is a worm in a suit. He must never be elected to public office again.

I have wasted my life.

To the driver who hit the border collie dog on Bull St. in front of DHEC on 3/25/19 at approximately 3:40 p.m. and drove away, shame on you! To leave the scene with the dog laying on its back with all four paws up in the air, there is no excuse! To my fellow drivers in all four lanes of traffic who promptly stopped and help load the dog into my car so I could get him the medical attention needed, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m happy to report I was able to reunite the dog with his owner and he will be okay. That’s the best news of the entire horrible event.

To the man who called me a moron: Obviously you’re on the influential side. That must mean you got you some money.

Hey world. If this is halfway through the beginning of the world, we’re in some goddamn trouble.

Every Wednesday I’d bring Chinese / And on her couch, we’d sit / Taking turns reading Rants and Raves / Now she’s gone, back to Europe / And on Wednesdays I miss her voice / I dream of her accent as I try to read / With chopsticks between my fingers

Hey, this is a rave. If any of the redheaded ladies think that guys can’t sing, please meet me in the shower any morning. Thank you.

Hey. If you don’t like hillbilly sex, you can squeal like a pig. (Rant and Rave, March 20)

America. You have put legislation into place that has totally doomed America. Y’all stupid as f#!k.

My rant is to President Number 45. Every time you open your mouth you are digging a bigger ditch for yourself.

Is it just me, or is John Hawkins’ combover getting worse with his latest commercial?

That photo of the koala receiving acupuncture was one of the cutest things I’ve seen in my whole life. Thank you for that. (“Riverbanks Zoo Uses Acupuncture to Heal Arthritic Koala,” March 19)

I’ve got a great idea, why don’t y’all change y’all’s name from Free Times to “That mailbox is full” Times.

Landlords, I mean slumlords, you have literally destroyed neighborhoods. You let renters destroy your property. On my street there’s an entire living room suite in the yard. Further down there’s a long distance truck parked in the front yard. You won’t monitor your property. You are disgraceful. You are shameful. Thank you.

As a relative of someone who was actually at the Orangeburg Massacre, no one tells the story that the reason the shooting began is an officer was hit in the head with a brick. So when stories are told at least have the facts.

Using our current society as a template, instead of criminalizing abortion, we should make it easier to get, and retroactively.

I thought it was weird. Belk had a one-day sale. 22-24 March.

The hugest of all raves going out to the wire-haired dachshund on Channel 19. What a cute lil’ furbaby.

Don’t let a sprained ankle or a stubbed toe get you a bulging disc in your back. If you’ve got a limp, sit your ass down and heal.

I was wondering if you could put in a request for the next open-air music festival: The band is called The Beths. That would be a wonderful get, as they say in the industry.

A jerk told me that it looks like somebody set my face on fire and put it out with a fork. It’s not nice to make fun of someone’s appearance. That’s a reflection of the level of maturity that person’s at. Some people are walking around with walkers, crutches … amputees. Get with it.

When it comes to the Uber/Lyft laws, everybody hides behind the state legislators. They’re the only ones who can do anything when Uber and Lyft do anything they want to out on the streets.

March Madness reminds me of Bull Street back in the heyday.

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