Godzilla for rant

Views expressed are those of our readers, not us. Need to get something off your chest? Leave a message with your rant or rave at 803-765-0707 ext. 126 or email RANTandRAVE@free-times.com. Submissions will be edited for length and spelling but not grammar. Please limit emailed submissions to 100 words.


We are the monsters of our times.

Need a ride? Arrive alive. Call a cab. You don't need an iPhone or a credit card, and when the car shows up there won't be any doubt about who it is, or whether it has been properly licensed, inspected and insured. The driver will have undergone (and passed) a criminal background check, and you'll be supporting a locally owned business — not some overpaid, out-of-state tech mogul. 

Since apps are so popular, and drivers utilize their phones while driving, how about an app for turn signals?  Just press the app instead of going to the trouble of signaling. Get the most out of that phone! How about an app to let you know the light is green? 

Are Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima related?

The president, it seems, spends an inordinate amount of time trying to bring validity to being an asshole. He seems determined to win the next election.

I was walking behind a college student who stopped and was doing a selfie. I felt like I was in The Matrix trying to get out of the way.

This is a rant against the motorcyclists who are taking over the streets of Columbia and law enforcement who does nothing about it. This isn’t a speedway.

Me and the Taste Buds went to the Millennium Buffet by the baseball stadium. The food is pretty good, but they have too many items.

Andy-O, I need you so.

I feel, being 22, that I’m stuck in a very weird position. I both understand millennial humor and I also feel like an old crotchety man when someone under the age of 20 asks me, “Hey, can you buy me beer?”

Earth Day is also National Jelly Bean Day.

Yeah, what’s on my mind is the general rudeness of people in this area, whether it is jumping in front of you in line at a store, cutting you off in traffic, there’s a whole array of things. But where is the just general politeness and sensitivity toward other people? I am so tired of coming out every day feeling like I’m dealing with a bunch of self-centered assholes who think the world revolves around them and can’t even wait their turn in line without cutting you off.

Hey, this is the Stag Bag. Sometimes I turn on WIS and watch the news, and I have to ask myself, “Is ‘white trash’ one word or two?”

The USC women’s golf team lost the SEC championship. The Chicken Curse lives on.

[In reference to Rant and Rave, March 20] To the person who said Northerners should have their car horns disconnected: They wouldn’t have to use their horns if you people would learn how to drive. Green means “go.” Red means “stop.” Also, stay in your own lane.

I am so glad to read in Free Times where Mayor Steve Benjamin is on the right track to regulate Uber and Lyft in the City of Columbia, like taxi cabs. (“Benjamin Pitches More Stringent Rideshare Regulations," April 17) Unfortunately, look at the horrific tragedy that had to happen to make this happen.

The bigger crimes are not even being investigated. Municipalities, counties, state and federal government. We pay you public funds in your salary. If you want a holiday celebration you pay for it yourselves.

The USC women won the SEC tennis title. What a racket.

Hey, this is the Lizard Man from Bishopville. I just wanted to let you know that I am coming back to the area. I have been hanging out with the Creature from the Black Lagoon and a sasquatch. You will be seeing more of me really soon now.

Yeah, so I heard someone call Lake Murray the “Jewel of South Carolina.” Hahahaha! Some people think cubic zirconia is really a diamond. Some people think fool’s gold is real gold.

You did not see your ex-husband, Erin.

I have a rant about the Columbia Fire Department. I am sitting at a light at Five Points waiting for traffic to clear and I am scared out of my wits by the fire truck blowing its horn behind me. Thinking there is an emergency, I pull off to allow passage. There was no emergency. What unprofessional behavior by a public service agency staff member.

Hey folks, the news just came on and the teachers really need a pay increase. Teachers should get $75,000 per year for the first five years and, after that, bonuses. But, we have a state Legislature that is talking about the firing squad for the death penalty. Is this Legislature just a little bit off track?

Warning: There is a chance a fly is going to fart tomorrow. WIS has issued an Alert Day.

This morning I mixed Fiber One cereal with Lucky Charms and pooped out a leprechaun! 

In response to the rant about people writing headlines for WIS [Rant and Rave, April 24], I would like to point out a gross error in the first sentence: “...whomever is writing the headlines for WIS-TV...."  You don't use "whomever" as a subject. It may sound sophisticated, but it is wrong.  "Whoever" is the nominative case, and "whomever" is the objective case. Take a grammar course.  

An update to the 1960's chant “MAKE LOVE NOT WAR” today equates to “SHOOT TO SPILL, NOT KILL”

My friend Simeon was kicked out of Dreher High for not being zoned but we got him back, baby. #wegotsimeonback

I love squirrels. They’re delicious.

To all the reasonable people in South Carolina, please understand that Fox News is the fake news. Please try CNN for the true understanding of the Mueller Report.

I’m in Rock Hill this afternoon.

[TV absolutely blaring in the background] So much violence in South Carolina is black on black. Don’t anybody get that?

I read in the Free Times where the Rosewood Crawfish Festival had moved to the State Fairgrounds. Well, it’s going to cost the participants more because they’ll have to pay to park. Nothing goes on at the fairgrounds unless you pay to park.

My friend said he was going to play cornhole. I don’t even want to ask what that is.

STEVE! Wake up! Put some elbow grease into it! 

There is not much diversity in the NBA. 

The new All South Federal Credit Union at Richland Mall is beautifully designed. The parking area's dark pavement contrasts nicely with the white parking slips; and the bank itself sits low, so it blends smoothly into the North Beltline Blvd land and business-scape. Further (and most important of all, given that this is Forest Acres), the credit union is surrounded by newly-planted hedges, flowers and trees. Way to go, All South!

Have you ever noticed that there are no wild chickens?

Ever notice how every time you go to plug a USB in, it's always upside down?

It will be good if the Democrats get their act together for next year's presidential election. Come on now, Joe Biden isn't lighting anybody's fire. Bernie, you need to stop saying the "s" word. And there are 18 more Dem candidates.  

One of the stupidest and more dangerous things drivers do is direct traffic from the driver’s seat. You know. Those little hand waves drivers do. I have nearly been killed twice by drivers attempting to signal me from their position behind the wheel. Once just about 10 minutes ago. Not only is that driver making a driving decision that should be yours, but he may not see a vehicle approaching from behind him and could distract you from seeing it, too. Don’t do it. Don’t pay any attention to those who do. And while you are at it, watch out for those dumb drivers who do two lane turns, turning into the farthest lane. 

There was an idea to bring together a group of remarkable people, see if they could become something more. See if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles we never could.

If everybody had a hammock, nobody would ever buy a leaf blower.

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