Arnold Palmer

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Anyone else think we're giving Arnold Palmer a little too much credit for tea and lemonade?

U.S. Customs and Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) teaming up with Mexican drug cartels to stop the flow of illegal drugs crossing the border. Of course, I’m kidding. Russian government wanting to team up with our cyber security experts to preclude foreign interference with our election process. I’m not kidding! Trump thinks this is awesome idea, drop the mic.

“I leave you hoping that the lamp of liberty will burn in your bosoms until there shall no longer be a doubt that all men are created free and equal.” — Abraham Lincoln

I like Southern rock. I like it deep fried.

Y’all think that Hillary’s going to be running in 2020? Running from the law, maybe.

If West Columbia cops cleaned up crime like the sanitation guys do the streets, the city wouldn’t be full of distracted drivers, thumping car stereos and loose animals. We’ve had people killed in apartment complexes less than a mile apart. Then in little Springdale there were two armed robberies at the same store right in front of the police department. These cops suck.

Chief Scott, you’re too old to be breaking bad. Uh oh! Better call Saul.

How come we’re spending so much money for so few bicycle riders?

CNN is the best thing to happen to journalism. If not for journalism, there would be no democracy.

He that is good at making excuses is seldom good at anything else. I do not believe in excuses, I believe in hard work. That is the solution to life’s problems.

The Free Times asked for donations. [“From the Editor: A New Way to Show Your Support for Free Times,” July 25]. I think your advertisers should pay more and maybe Platinum West can kick in some dollar bills to help you out.

God realized host apostles needed rest. But rest and time, along with God, go against the grain of an always connected, 24-7 culture.Only the life that puts Jesus first will last. It’s no surprise that 21st century priorities often crowd out bigger priorities.

Hello, the judicial system is a sham. It has become what the priests of old used to be. They are sacrificing innocent victims every single day. Whenever you are a victim, there’s nothing to be done. But whenever someone accuses you of anything, oh man, you are the worst criminal in the history of the world and they’ll slam you shut. Let’s rebel against this system.

Hi, this is a rave for Sam Bleiweis of WIS. If you looked up “doll baby” in the dictionary, beside it would be a picture of Sam Bleiweis. Woo-hoo!

Hi, Old School here. I want to give a shoutout to that dentist who has a commercial on TV. It’s a neat commercial because of the jingle.

Well, it figures SCE&G in York County court had a bunch of lawyers fighting for the privacy of documents that might even implicate a lot of people in the public sector that used to work for SCE&G.

Damn, Norman Jackson of Richland County Council. Man, you control that Council like they are a bunch of puppets.

What’s that bulging out of your wallet?

Would y’all please list for us the members of the Legislature who voted for the Base Load Review Act? Thank you.

Who the f#!k cares about Demi Lovato? Oh, boo-hoo. She’s no better than anybody else.

I went to the store to buy khaki shorts. Shouldn’t they be half off?

When it comes to the Russia investigation, Donald Trump is like the best player on the worst Little League team ever. He’s literally trying to cover all the bases himself.

[In reference to Rant and Rave, July 18] I am in full support of no changes in the laws regarding alimony in the state of South Carolina. It’s a crime to change the law and to not pay women who have been married to U.S. veterans, because the woman has served, too. I’ve raised four children on my own with no allotments, with not enough money to pay bills, and was limited to part-time jobs. I had two special-needs children and had to dig in my own pocket while my husband was serving away for 13 years. I tried to iron uniforms, but I got cussed out for not doing it the right way. I served, too. I need to be compensated.

The Turtle has noticed that Jeff Sessions must think Jesus Christ is a snowflake because he believed in inclusiveness.

Why would you want to take a taxi anyway? They are over-regulated to the point of nonexistence.

This is Figaro. What’s wrong with the whey? Can’t eat Goldfish or have my honey bun? What’s up with that? Maybe they should use curds.

Ew, that smell. Every time I go down beside the Riverwalk in West Columbia, I can smell that smell. Man, you are going to pay millions out of your ass, West Columbia, to get that chicken farm out of there.

Damn, Westinghouse is leaking uranium and SCANA has toxic tar in the Congaree and the treatment plants are dumping their releases into the river. And y’all brag about how great Columbia’s water is? Y’all better start buying bottled water.

Question: If someone gets burned by journalist Katy Tur, can they claim they’ve been Turd?

With all the baby animals being born in the Riverbanks Zoo, I otter go sometime.

Brett Kavanaugh, the new Supreme Court justice nominee, has an interesting choice of words. He says he will always “try” to follow the Constitution and rule of law. Try?

Babies in the hen house.

Trash, trash, trash, trash. We have six cameras and, yes, they are infrared and they do record, and I see all you people coming by and throwing out your fast food and cigarettes and beer bottles in front of my house. I picked up six bags of trash this morning. I do that three times per week. I’m in my 60s. I’m sick of picking up your trash. I know your habits and I know who you are. One of these days, if you keep throwing your crap in front of my house, you’re going to get a surprise.

I can’t believe that the executives at SCANA might still get millions of dollars in bonuses. Please quit insulting us, dammit.

Every SCE&G management person who received any bonus should be made to pay it back and paraded around town wearing a sign saying “I’m a crook.” How can any of you show your sorry disgraceful underhanded asses in public?

Buy one, get one free. Buy carpet, get installation for free. Is there anyone over 12 out there that doesn’t know that nothing is free? Bernie Sanders is an idiot who is trying to buy an election.

We must put a stop to police violence. I understand why football players are kneeling during the national anthem. It is an important statement and I support them. The violent game of football is not important. Stop the violence. Peace.

This is for the guy that complained about women from South Carolina not knowing how to cook from a recipe (July 25). He should do what me and my wife do. We eat from the four basic food groups: bag, box, takeout and delivery.

I just love being lectured by the police. They should write a book on how us regular folks who don’t have a badge should live and act.

Has anyone seen these Shelley Leeke commercials when the lady said she was hit on Fort Jackson Boulevard by I-76? First of all, it’s I-77 and if she can’t get her facts right on the commercial, your case is going to be terrible.

Brothers, don’t stay away. Sisters, don’t stay away. There is room enough in the heavens for us all.

My friend said he was going to visit Detroit. I said, “Why?”

Just a word of caution to all you people who are living on entitlements and are too lazy to vote: We are facing a budget shortfall and guess how they are going to raise revenue? By cutting your entitlements.

Judi Gatson on WIS is always on Facebook.

I am a great guy. Just ask my three ex-wives.

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