Crime Blotter The Vest

This information comes from local police reports. It does not mean anyone is guilty. This is not a court of law.

The Vest: A 27-year-old man is facing charges in connection with a burglary in the Lexington area. The suspect reportedly entered a home with a gun and body armor (think of 50 Cent in the “Wanksta” video, or basically anywhere in 2003). Not sure if this guy was planning on just robbing homes or getting into a riot.

The Bust: Authorities nabbed several people in the Lexington area for attempting to sell smack. The community tipped off the cops about a car with the tag “love bug” on it, and a couple of drug stings caught people with drugs ranging from meth to heroin.

Phone Home: Cops are looking for a man who stole an iPhone 8 from a store on Broad River Road. The suspect reportedly tried to snatch the phone and dip, but an employee tried to stop him. The suspect then pushed the employee on the ground, took the phone and got away. First off, this sounds like a really s#!tty thing to do, and secondly, Apple is valued at a trillion dollars. It would probably be 2 trill if everyone that stole a frickin’ iPhone actually, you know, paid for one.

Car Chase: The cops are searching for two men who stole a car and led officers on a chase on Garners Ferry Road. When an officer tried to pull them over after confirming the car was stolen, the suspects sped off and eventually crashed the car at a frickin’ daycare (luckily it was 3 in the morning). The guys fled on foot.

Gone Fishin’: Authorities are searching for a man who stole fishing worms and a sunglasses holder at a store on Killian Road. When confronted, the suspect pulled a knife and threatened to kill the worker. If someone is willing to cut you over fishing bait, let ’em have it. I think that’s the 11th commandment. No arrests have been made, but cops should be looking at all possible fishing honey holes.

Tip of the Week: Not all young men should follow in the steps of their father (or stepdaddy). Cops arrested a 17-year-old suspect after he reportedly ran up on a woman with a knife at a Lexington business demanding money. The woman told the guy that she didn’t have money, and he just jumped into his car and fled. Cops, after investigating, found out that his accomplice was his 31-year-old stepfather. Maybe they will be able to share a cell together.

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