Woman Throwing Panties at Cop

This information comes from local police reports. It does not mean anyone is guilty. This is not a court of law.

Back that Azz Up: Cops arrested a 43-year-old woman after she let it all hang at a restaurant on Elmwood. The woman reportedly walked to the front door and stripped while saying sexually explicit things to an employee. Added bonus: She was already on trespass notice because she did this three weeks ago. (Why didn’t I know this?!) When cops arrived, she continued to walk away, even throwing her panties at an officer. Fun times.

Animal House: A 55-year-old man was charged with multiple counts of ill treatment to animals and drug possession. After a community tip, cops discovered not only two horses that were malnourished and tied to a rope to a stake in the ground, but also 13 dogs, a rabbit and a goat (what the hell is going on here?) The animals were all taken and are being evaluated. At this rate this guy doesn’t even deserve to have a frickin’ Pet Rock.

Weed & Dogs: Cops got a call about a house break-in in the Spartanburg area. When apartment owners came home, they found that someone had broke into the house to fix hotdogs, cook some eggs, drink juice and smoke weed. That’s it. No items were stolen. Not condoning this type of behavior, but these people sound like they would be worth hanging around. Next time they should be nice enough to cook extra hotdogs and leave them for the homeowners when they come back. Just a thought.

Tip of the Week: If you and your friends have to create an elaborate fake car accident, have people alter insurance forms and pretend to be people you aren’t just to try and get a few hundred bucks, then use that time working on something less troubling, like a mixtape or a lemonade stand. Several men got nabbed and pleaded guilty to insurance fraud after an elaborate attempt to stiff the insurance company. The suspects in question staged a fake car accident and then sent someone to the hospital claiming pains in order to submit a form to their insurance agency. The insurance companies sent money before realizing that the forms were altered (they don’t know how to use Adobe Illustrator correctly, huh?) Trying to pimp an insurance company is like playing hopscotch in a live mine field. It ain’t gonna end well.

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