Blotter 11-21

Illustration by Jason Crosby

This information comes from local police reports. It does not mean anyone is guilty. This is not a court of law.

Stick Em Up: Authorities nabbed a 17-year-old and an 18-year-old woman after a couple of armed robberies in the Lexington area. The suspects reportedly robbed a fast food joint as well as a gas station by running in the spot with a pistol and demanding money. Not sure if the new movie Widows coming out with a kickass, all-female heist crew inspired these folks, but at least in the movie it’s a lot cooler than a fast food joint. Don’t let the movies get you locked up.

At the Gates: Authorities nabbed a 26-year-old and a 17-year-old man after robbing another teenager at gunpoint, taking his watch. When the suspects tried to leave the neighborhood, they got pulled over at the gate exit. Hilarious.

The Chase: Cops are searching for a unknown man that stole items from a home on Waccamaw Ave. The suspect reportedly broke into a home at night and stole money, waking up a man who lived at the home and eventually chased him barefoot while calling the authorities with a cellphone. The incident was caught on surveillance as the suspect got away. Suspect is lucky he had a victim running on bare feet as opposed to bear arms. No arrests have been made.

Luck Ya Doe: Cops nabbed a man who stole a car outside of a gas station in Lexington. The suspect reportedly just happened to be there, and some poor sap left their keys in the car when they went in for something. For the love of all things holy: It’s not Mayberry, where you can leave your house unlocked. Don’t care if you’re running in the gas station for a loosie (i.e. single cigarette), stop being effin’ lazy and take your keys out the car before going in. Sounds advice for the holiday season. Please don’t have me write about you in here. 

Movie Night: Suspects got away with stealing items out of a home in Northeast Columbia. The victim told authorities that the robbers got away with various DVDs and a few VHS tapes. Not to condone anybody breaking into homes or anything —  but sounds like this thief did you a favor. Who still has a VCR? (The answer is my father.) And DVDs are going out of style. Get a Netflix account. Doesn’t matter if you have the money, be like the thousands of people in America and share the password from some random guy named Dave. You’re a legend, Dave!

Tip of the Week: Maybe it’s the worst idea or a genius one, but when you decide to rob places three days apart, maybe you should change your gear. Authorities are looking for a man that reportedly robbed a pharmacy on Garners Ferry Road wearing a white shirt, black jacket, black pants and black shoes. Then three days later, he was caught on camera robbing a fast food spot on Garners Ferry Road wearing the same gear. We get it: Going to the gym, you have your favorite workout clothes, and when you’re doing armed robberies, you have your robbin’ outfit. Makes sense, I guess. 

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