Watch Me Sleep: Authorities nabbed a 17-year-old man after he reportedly went creepy on several homes in the Lexington area. The young man allegedly broke into houses just to watch residents sleep. This guy was conducting his own personal sleep study. Residents never knew about it, but a relative turned him in after finding out what was going on. Bet you a dollar it was because this relative has awakened from sleep to find this kid staring. Now I feel I need to lock my bedroom door before going night-night.
Hold Me Down: Authorities approached a 70-year-old man on Main Street who was excessively asking for money. When they approached, the guy fell over from drinking too much, and they caught him. Even while being led into a patrol car, the guy almost fell down a second time. Apparently this arrest turned into an Uber ride.
Trash Bin: As we learned from Sesame Street, not all garbage cans are equal. Cops got a call from a woman in North Columbia after someone sprayed curse words on her trashcan. It sucks to have ‘F’ bombs on your trashcan, but in related news, if some graffiti artist wants to make my hurby curby look beautiful with some artwork, I’m all for it. It’s called a “trash can” not a “trash can’t.”
New Wardrobe: Cops nabbed a 44-year-old woman who tried to steal gear from a store on Columbiana Drive. The woman reportedly tried to stuff $380 worth of clothing in her purse and walk out like nothing happened. Somebody needs a bigger purse.
Nap Time: Authorities approached a 27-year-old man who was asleep in a parked car on Lorick Circle. Once the cops spoke to him, he admitted to having a blunt in his back pocket … and was arrested. I can’t wait for a time when folks don’t get locked up for having a blunt. I mean, Oprah smokes that loud!
Car Jack: Cops are searching for two men who attempted to steal a car on Arcadia Woods Road. The suspects were caught on surveillance trying to steal a ride, apparently unaware that it had a key fob start. You can see them on the video eventually giving up after not being able to get the car started. In other news, I have no clue what all these fancy car things are. Can we go back to the days with the roll-down windows?
The Bust: Cops nabbed a 33-year-old man and a 32-year-old woman after monitoring a home in Kershaw County for more than a year. Once they got into the home, they found out that the folks were pushing meth and had almost three pounds of the drug. They also found an ounce of weed and over $7,000 worth of cash in a stolen Mercedes. No, this wasn’t the meth operation that Gus Fring had on Breaking Bad, but it’s enough to get you mentioned in the blotter.
Tip of the Week: Cocaine is a hell of a drug, and apparently so is heroin (or like our uncles who went to Vietnam call it, “hair-ron”). Cops got a call about a 47-year-old man who needed an ambulance after getting what he said was “some bad heroin from some white lady.” He admitted to snorting some and then passing out. Sounds like a weekend that Rick James had every week of the Motown years in the 1980s.