Blotter 11/7

Illustration by Jason Crosby

Poppin’ Bottles: Cops are searching for two men who decided to rob a liquor store in Lexington. The suspects were caught on surveillance attaching the front door to the rear of a truck and taking the doors off. Once inside, the suspects took thousands of dollars worth of liquor and threw it in the back of their truck bed and sped off. Speeding around with a truck bed full of liquor and a door hanging off the back is as subtle as a guy going to a buffet and loosening his belt at the table. He plans to eat a bunch (that’s why I rock sweatpants).

Flip Flop: Cops are searching for a Sumter woman in connection with the robbery of two gas stations in the area. The woman reportedly entered both spots with a hoodie, walked over to the bathroom area and returned with a hand in her pocket claiming to have a gun and demanding money. She’s described as having a hoodie, jeans and white flip-flops — the type of footwear that you shouldn’t wear in case a gas station clerk pulls out a double barrel and starts shootin’. Not encouraging this lady to keep it going, but just in case, get yourself some running shoes.

Nice Car: Authorities are searching for a man who is accused of shoplifting from a store in North Columbia. The guy walked out and then left in a green Mercedes. I was going to make a joke that stealing items doesn’t make sense if you’re driving a Mercedes, but rich folks are proven to be huge crooks, so he’s probably on script. Either way, keep your eyes open for a green Mercedes. 

Behind the Wheel: Cops got a call to a suspicious parked car in Northeast Columbia. A 24-year-old man was found in the parked vehicle just staring at the steering wheel. The authorities realized he was as liquored up as your uncle on Thanksgiving who wants to tell you about how building a wall ain’t that bad. The cops spoke, but he didn’t respond and was nabbed for being drunk behind the wheel. Thankfully, whatever state he was in didn’t cause him to start the car.

Tip of the Week: If you’re in a car waiting on your friend to come back, lock the frickin’ door. Cops are searching for a man that jacked a car in Northeast Columbia. The suspect reportedly got into the driver’s seat of a car while the passenger was waiting for the driver to return. A struggle ensued until the driver pulled out a gun and sped off with the ride.  

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