Chainsaw guy

This information comes from local police reports. It does not mean anyone is guilty. This is not a court of law.

I Saw That: Cops are searching for a man who went Paul Bunyan-gone-electric. First, he stole a chainsaw from a hardware store in Lexington. Then, the suspect reportedly assaulted an employee in the parking lot. (If I saw someone walking out with a chainsaw, that would be the time I’d go the opposite direction in a hurry).

False Report: A 26-year-old woman has been charged after filing a false police report at a store on Harbison Bouleveard. The woman reportedly posted pictures on Facebook with bruises claiming an unidentified man attacked her and attempted to assault her. Turns out that she was not at the store at the time she reported this incident.

Coin Operated: Cops are searching for two people responsible for running into the laundry room of an apartment on Farrington Way. The suspects were caught on surveillance camera spray-painting the cameras (with one of the guys not covering his face) and then breaking into the coin section of the washer and dryer and taking the change. Seems like a ton of work for pocket change.

Funny Money: Authorities sentenced a 28-year-old Florence man in connection with counterfeiting over $100,000 worth of $50 and $100 bills. The suspect reportedly used phony paper then bought small items at small stores to get the change in real currency (think of how in gangster movies they wash dirty money at strip clubs). The suspect is facing three years in prison.

The Dump: Authorities sentenced a 44-year-old Columbia man who dumped hazardous waste into a creek on several occasions. Somehow, after seeing Aquaman, I’m waiting for Jason Momoa to show up and kick this dude’s ass for polluting the water (honestly, having him come to South Carolina would be totally better than the movie).

Tip of the Week: When you have delivery services for everything under the sun, drugs are going to be just like ordering from an app on your phone. Federal authorities sentenced 10 people involved in a Myrtle Beach-area drug ring that would put Amazon to shame. The suspects reportedly had it set up with dispatchers, delivery drivers, drop-off locations — everything except an Apple app to sell heroin and crack. These aren’t your parent’s drug dealers, where you’d pull up to their door on a Sunday for a dime bag. Wow.

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