Granny

This information comes from local police reports. It does not mean anyone is guilty. This is not a court of law.


Meds: Cops nabbed a 70-year-old Lexington woman and charged her with purchasing stolen goods with the intent to resell the items. No, she wasn’t getting people to nab a pair of Yeezys to flip on a sneaker app; instead, she paid folks that stole items ranging from heartburn meds to deodorant so she could sell them at the flea market. When she was caught, she had about $15,000 worth of inventory. With all those bottles of Nyquil, this lady better not ever get sick again in her life.

Love Birds: Authorities nabbed a married couple in Lexington after seizing an arseload of meth and weed (sounds like the title of the next hit song coming soon). After the cops got a public tip, they investigated the home was and also found a weapon used in a crime (usually you should throw those at the bottom of the river) and $11,000 in cash. Bright side, it sounds like this couple belongs together since they have so much in common. If one was a drug dealer and the other was a D.A.R.E. instructor, then that wouldn’t work.

Red Handed: Authorities nabbed a 46-year-old West Columbia man attempting to steal items from a business in Lexington. After an alarm went off in the building, cops just chilled and watched the guy with a ski mask and bolt cutters attempting to steal a kayak.

Parking Lot: A 39-year-old man was charged with indecent exposure. The man reportedly pulled up in a parking lot, exposed himself and tried to show it to the woman parked next to him. The victim then said the man appeared to open the door as if he was going to step out of the car, and she drove away and called the cops. It’s bad enough to worry about having shopping carts hit your car these days. Now we have to worry about seeing this. I think I speak for us all when I say, “Eww.” Happy Holidays.

Tip of the Week: There’s better ways to ask for money than using a knife. Cops arrested a 31-year-old man and charged him with running up to an elderly woman in a parking lot with a knife and demanding money. When the woman informed him that she didn’t have any to give, he just walked away. You know if you go up to an elderly woman and just ask for money, more often than not they may give you a buck or two or at the very least — or, like my granny, probably invite you in the house for some grits.

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