Blotter Illustration 11-14

Illustration by Jason Crosby

This information comes from local police reports. It does not mean anyone is guilty. This is not a court of law.

Cohiba Problems: Cops nabbed a 30-year-old man after he had a hissy fit by breaking various windows at businesses on Augusta Road. The man reportedly became angry after someone stole his cigar, so he decided to let his frustration out on random businesses by breaking storefront windows. When cops found him he admitted to damages that hit the $5,000 mark. This better be a great cigar and not some corny-ass Dutch Master you get from the gas station to put your weed in. Just sayin’.

Gimme the Loot: Cops are looking for a man that robbed a fast food spot near the Lugoff exit. The suspect walked in wearing a mask, jumped over the counter with a gun and demanded an employee put money in his bag before leaping into a running car. Wondering if any customers in there at the time continued with their food order after the incident? 

Work the Pole: Cops arrested a 43-year-old man after they found 25 pounds of weed in his car outside the airport. The suspect reportedly didn’t get noticed until he hit a pole on airport property, causing the authorities to investigate. They then found enough weed to take care of Willie Nelson for a day or two. Not really sure if this guy would have been caught if he didn’t hit the pole, but it’s a good chance he would’ve been home free if he didn’t drive recklessly. Was it getting high off his supply that drove him off the rails? We’ll never know.

Grand Theft Auto: Cops got an alert after a car was stolen from a gas station on North Main. A man reportedly went into the gas station to make a purchase while his car was running, when what appeared to be two juveniles hopped in and stole his ride. Instead of the guy calling the cops like a normal person after finding out his car was stolen, he stole another car to go find his. Not sure if that’s how it works, but apparently these guys didn’t get the memo. Wonder if that excuse works when you’re pulled over in a stolen car — “They stole mine first!”

Tip of the Week: Calm the hell down. If you’re driving and someone is annoying you, road rage is something that often happens, but it’s usually not worth it. Authorities are investigating an incident where a man reportedly was riding the bumper of a woman before speeding to get in front of her then pressing on his brakes abruptly, causing her to do the same. The guy then pulled up beside her and threw water in her car. Not sure about the motive, but the action was quite excessive. If recordings of drivers in their cars during five o’clock traffic ever became public, a few people could be losing jobs. Just relax.  

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