This information comes from local police reports. It does not mean anyone is guilty. This is not a court of law.

Box Truck: Authorities nabbed two people they drove around in a box truck with stolen items from a pharmacy. The cops tried to stop the suspicious truck but they refused to pull over. After 30 minutes, the truck finally stopped and the cops found $200 worth of s#!t in it, such as diapers, beer and detergent. Sounds like total high-end items.

Porky Pig: Authorities arrested a 26-year-old man on Two Notch Road after finding him in a car with crack and a glass pipe. Cops got a call about a naked man in a car, asleep. When the cops arrived and asked him to step out of the vehicle, he was naked from the waist down (i.e Porky Piggin’ or Winnie the Pooh-in’ it). His drugs were inside the car, and he was arrested. Getting taken away in a cop car must be awkward. Riding in that cop car with your nether regions hanging out — sounds like a great story told on a podcast. 

Something to Eat: Authorities got a call after a man decided to take items from a home in North Columbia. The man ignored electronics and decided to just grab items from the fridge. That was it. Side note: You don’t have to break into my house to steal food. Just ask and you’re welcome to a sammich. 

House Hunter: Authorities are searching for a man after he broke into a home in Lexington and stole meds out of the home. Surveillance caught a random guy walking around the neighborhood sneaking in the back of one of the homes. Breaking into homes to get prescription drugs is a horrible way to spend your time. Anyone breaking into my home looking for anything stronger than Robotussin is going to be sad. If the ‘Tussin don’t fix it, I don’t know what will.

Tip of the Week: Don’t get into a fight with people that work at the gas station. Authorities charged a 20-year-old man after shooting a customer at a gas station on Farrow Road. A customer reportedly argued about the price of his gas, and the employee shot the customer in the lower leg when he left. 

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