Skinny Jeans: Cops got a call to a place on Bush River Road after a 28-year-old woman tried to steal a few items, including a pair of skinny jeans and a camo top. When she was searched, the cops allegedly also found meth and weed on her. Based on her outfit and the drugs there only lies one question: What music festival was this lady getting ready to hit up?
Relax: Authorities got a call from a store on Harbison Boulevard when a 41-year-old man tried to steal a hammock, the universal item for relaxation, which usually is used by folks after they work for something. To steal a hammock and relax between two trees as if it’s hard day’s work is like selling your car for gas money. Also, it was probably a bad idea to try to steal this item, because, you know, they are kind of big.
Trespass: Cops got a call about a 62-year-old man being disruptive and asking for money outside of a business on Sumter Street. When told to leave or else be put on trespass notice, he refused to dip out and peed his pants. Not sure if it was a form of protest. If it was there needs to be another way to get your point out there.
Ten Spot: A 60-year-old man called the cops after a man snatched a $10 bill from his hand in the North Columbia area. When the victim objected, the suspect threatened to shoot him. Stories like this creates another reason why I love using the Cash app.
Tip of the Week: If you have a parole GPS device and take it off, you can’t just sneak around and hope the authorities won’t know about it. Cops are searching for a 40-year-old woman after she took off her monitor. Side note: Is it as easy as taking off an Apple Watch? Could she just put it around her cat at home and they assume she’s always there climbing trees? She could get into more trouble if found. Trust the advice coming from me as an old man: Leaving the house is overrated. Use your Netflix account and binge away until you don’t have to wear the monitoring bracelet anymore.
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