This information comes from local police reports. It does not mean anyone is guilty. This is not a court of law.

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Hold Ya Water: Cops got a call about a 32-year-old woman who was in a business on Beltline. Her visit was cut short when she decided to use the floor as a bathroom and take a tinkle. Yes, tinkle sounds a little too cute (like talking to a baby). This lady peed on the floor. Whatever mop you use for that, just throw it away.

The Lex: Authorities are searching for a man that stole a Lexus off the lot of a dealership. The suspect pretended to be looking at the car and when the employee had the door open for the guy to look inside the vehicle, he pushed the employee down and took the keys. Not the most complicated way to get the keys, but still effective. Let’s hope this guy uses this car to take out a date and, at that moment when he gets her to Red Lobster, the cops finnd him before he can get some cheddar biscuits. He deserves maximum embarrassment.

Inda Tub: Cops nabbed a 35-year-old man who reportedly tried to steal items from a store on Taylor Street. The suspect tried to sneak several items into a storage tub and take it to the register, where he just tried to pay for the tub. What goes through this guy’s head when the employee opens it up to see all the stuff he tried to sneak out with? “Oh my goodness! How’d that get in there? No wonder it was so heavy.” Think of a better tactic, homie.

Tip of the Week: Keep your spittle to yourself. A 28-year-old woman got into an argument with a woman in North Columbia and it ended when the suspect decided to spit in the victim’s face. Luckily she ran after that because the term “catch these hands” after the incident is just not enough. Plus what if her breath stank?


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