Crime Blotter 100219

This information comes from local police reports. It does not mean anyone is guilty. This is not a court of law.

Exposed: Cops are searching for an unknown man who used a bus for his personal intimate time. The suspect was reportedly using his cellphone to watch porn, and was fondling himself. The bus driver reportedly told him to stop but he refused, eventually running off at a stop before being picked up by a guy in a black SUV. OK, does this guy know of the man’s filthy hands and, secondly, why ride the bus if you have someone able to pick you up? Excuse me while I throw up in my mouth a little.

The Leak: Authorities were called to a business on Cherry Street because of a 57-year-old man asking for money from patrons. When the cops arrived to tell him to leave, he left but decided to urinate on the back of the cop car. He was charged with public intoxication and public urination.

Smell of Gasoline: A 39-year-old man called authorities after a man ran up to him on Two Notch Road and harassed him. The person reportedly yelled at him before throwing gasoline on him. Oh, and he kicked the victim’s bike over. Thankfully the victim wasn’t a smoker.

The Slides: Authorities got a call from a 20-year-old man after someone broke into his home in North Columbia. The suspect(s) got into the home and stole a pair of Gucci slides. And by slides think of those Nike flip-foppish shoes that aren’t quite flip-flops but have the Gucci colorway. The shoes were reportedly worth more than $200.

Tip of the Week: If you’re doing a crime, don’t take the cops on a high-speed chase to a location where you would get in trouble with more charges. When cops tried to make a stop for a vehicle suspected to be stolen, the driver sped away, leading officers on a chase ending in an area filled with over 20 cars that were reported stolen. It’s like being chased by the cops and having them follow you to your momma’s house that’s also a meth lab. Sure, that didn’t quite happen with this but just as dumb.

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