Stephen Colbert has said some funny things over the years, from his time on “The Daily Show” as well as “The Colbert Report.” Here are some of his best lines:
It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that’s not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything.
The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you.
It is a well-known fact that reality has a liberal bias.
I don’t accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.
If I had free time to go to Los Angeles to shoot a movie, I would rather spend it with my kids.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn’t help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we’ve got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don’t want to do it.
If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have declared their independence from it.
There’s an old saying about those who forget history. I don’t remember it, but it’s good.
Look, PETA! If God hadn’t wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn’t have made them so darn tasty!
Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
It’s the way our Founding Fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.
brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a ‘ton’ of time with those acronyms.
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the Internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.
If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I’m confused. Also hungry.
The more you know, the sadder you get.
Sources: BrainyQuote, GoodReads, Mashable, Reader’s Digest