Splitting up with a mate can evoke many negative feelings. It’s not easy to deal with issues such as infidelity and dividing up the house and property.

If you’ve gone through a divorce, you know the raw, angry emotions that can surface.

After a time, however, it pays to protect your own mental health. How? Learn to dial back your emotions to a more neutral stance. This approach will benefit the kids, too. Hating your ex is like infusing slow poison into your offspring. Instead, make efforts to reach a place where you feel neutral toward this person.

When you move toward neutral feelings, you’re not saying the pain was OK. You’re not saying the divorce wasn’t the worst time of your life. You’re just saying: I will not invest emotionally in the drama anymore.

Divorce will always impact children. But a parent taking a less reactive stance against the other parent is giving children the best chance to heal.

Focusing on important goals for yourself and your children is key. When you’re planning a great future, it’s difficult to feel overly sorry for yourself.

What you say about yourself is critical. Other people will pick up on your internal language. If you tell yourself, “I can heal, move on, and thrive,” the people around you will see you as a winner.