Last night I laughed in dismay at the realization that women and girls were stampeding through Target like a herd of wild rhinoceros, grabbing for the latest Lilly Pulitzer fashions. The only Pulitzer I’m familiar with is the one The Post and Courier was awarded with yesterday. Yeah, I said it.
Last night’s episode of Bravo’s “Southern Charm” also left me a little disheartened ... mostly because I thought we were going to see more of Shep’s redemption, but I gave up on that when I saw him smash his face into a boobie birthday cake. Yeah, I said that, too.
The sixth installment focuses primarily on the Thomas-Whitney-Amy (campaign manager) dynamic and the Thomas-Kathryn dynamic, with a little bit of Shep’s introspections as he approaches his 35th birthday. Once again, Thomas is at the center of everything, and perhaps that’s just how he likes it.
TomKat have moved into their new downtown residence and it needs to be furnished, so they head to Morris Sokol Furniture. All the way through, she says she likes it, he says let’s get it.
“I have enough on my plate running for the U.S. Senate,” Thomas says, “so I need to figure out a way to reduce my stress level, by keeping Kathryn happy and out of my way until this campaign is over ... Right now I need her to allow me to focus on the campaign, and not demand the focus be on her.” Wow.
He considers the new house a project for her and a chance to decorate. She considers the new house a chance for them to spend more time together and have more dates. I still see you, red flag, but no one else does.
My skin may have crawled a little bit when they started browsing the bed department. That’s just awkward. And understandably so, considering Kathryn gets embarrassed when Thomas says in front of the store clerk, “I like that this one doesn’t make any noise.”
Good grief, Dad, that is so gross.
As we approach Shep’s 35th birthday, it’s time for him to reflect on his life and his loves. He says he hasn’t experienced a mid-life crisis yet, but warns us to stay tuned.
He asks Whitney where he was when he was 35 and the response creates a perplexing visual: Whitney was struggling in Hollywood, with long hair, a jean jacket with no shirt underneath and stretch jeans tucked in to his cowboy boots. Well, you’ve come a long way, baby ... considering you now wear tuxedos and cufflinks and go to Europe once every three months (or so) and go to London for Winston Churchill’s grandson’s birthday party at some fancy, schmancy estate that has the “splendor of Versailles.”
Oh, just go on with yourself and hunt a pheasant with the fox and the hound at Downton Abbey and do posh things and drink tea.
When Whitney asks Shep where he sees himself in 10 years, he admits that he has no plans for a 9-to-5 job. Shep’s dad taught him to spread the money around enough so that it comes back to you. He calls it “mailbox money.” You don’t have to do anything, he says. You just sit on the beach with a Corona and receive checks. “If you can do that, then you’re crushing life,” he says.
I think we may be looking at the next Tony Robbins, ladies and gentlemen.
On a visit to Pet Helpers, after Shep’s leg is affectionately humped by a dog, Cameran puts a crack in Shep’s hard candy shell. He wants to have kids, but he doesn’t know when. He’s looking for that really cool girlfriend, so he won’t be compelled to go out so much and he could watch Netflix at home. He was in love with a gal when he was in his early 20s — he knew it was love because “if she was unhappy, I couldn’t move or breathe or anything until I made sure she was (happy).” Whoa. Pure big-boy sincerity there from the Lowcountry lothario. That girl must have really screwed him up.
The gloves come off when Thomas has a sit-down with Whitney and his campaign manager, Amy (last week’s Sandy Duncan from Hell). Since Amy has been getting a lot of negative feedback from the “raise the roof” campaign commercial, she wants to pull the ad and Thomas tends to agree. They don’t think that Whitney’s approach is working and he’s going about it all wrong. Whitney disagrees.
Whitney tells Thomas to have fun with the campaign, he is T-Rav after all. But Amy says people don’t want to vote for T-Rav; they want to vote for Thomas Ravenel.
Thomas wants to raise his profile and show he’s a serious person and not a caricature as portrayed in the media. Because obviously, media spin doctors are more off the mark than reality show editors.
Nutshell: Whitney “officially disassociates” himself from the campaign and decides to take his ball and go home.
We also get a glimpse into the Thomas-Kathryn-Amy dynamic, and it is not a pretty picture for TomKat. When Kathryn leaves a sweet message for Thomas about bringing him a sandwich, she receives a text from Amy saying that he’s preparing for his debate and will not be available for the next three days. I’m sorry, what?!
We see his preparation for the debate, by the way, and it’s like watching an eighth-grader try to get through a Shakespearean soliloquy. Painful.
Thomas says it’s because he’s tired and needs more sleep, so he decides he’s going to stay in a hotel. He calls Kathryn to tell her and she sheds some tears into her newly-folded laundry. But she says she’s OK.
But hold your horses, kids. It’s the night of Shep’s birthday party and Kathryn’s not going to sit at home feeling sorry for herself. Oh, no. Not this girl. She’s ready for a night to herself and wants to party. And when I say party, I mean she lights it up like a Christmas tree. She even gets to a point where she refers to her alter ego, Kiki. Like how Beyonce has Sasha Fierce or Mariah Carey has Mimi.
I’m not sure about all this Kiki stuff. For mega-superstars, it’s a branding thing. For hometown people, it may be seen as a sign of multiple personality disorder.
Now that they are neighbors, Kathryn and Craig are all friendsies again. She even picks him up and they go to the party together. Kathryn uses Craig as a sounding board about Amy and how she tries to control everything, but uses more choice words, if you will.
We know that they both still find each other attractive, so I think I can smell what The Rock is cooking right now, and it doesn’t look too good for the Senate candidate.
Shots. Bourbon. Shots. Scotch. Giggling.
Cameran’s ode to Shep’s birthday mentions him holding out for the right woman, which may be Kensington Ravenel. Ew. But Shep gets a kick out of it. Consider this:
“When she’s 18, I’ll be 53. Kathryn, who I’ve hooked up with, will be my mother-in-law and Thomas will be in the loony bin ... and we’ll be feeding him applesauce.”
Thomas calls Kathryn, but she lets it go straight to voicemail. When the girls try to convince her to call him, she refuses because she wants to focus on herself right now. And by focusing on herself, it looks like she means Craig. And he doesn’t appear to protest.
Then comes the boobie birthday cake. Shep plants his face in it. And then he chokes on it. What’s that they say about karma?
NEXT WEEK: Whitney and Thomas argue about the campaign again and it looks like a break-up. Referring to Whitney’s campaign vision with the “raise the roof” ad, Thomas tells him, “I lost $150,000 going it your way. Down the drain.”
Landon and Cameran discuss Kathryn and her situation, her responsibilities, her baby and her turning her switches on and off.
Cooper Ray hosts the Founder’s Day Ball. Thomas shows up at the party, but it seems Kathryn is all dressed up and waiting at the house for him to pick her up.
HOW SHEP REALLY FEELS ABOUT A GAL THAT USED TO ALWAYS WAKE HIM UP AT 9:30 IN THE MORNING: “I had to break up with her.”
WHAT YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR PARTNER/BABY’S FATHER SAY ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE: “We can work on our relationship November 5th.” - Thomas about where Kathryn fits into his campaign agenda.
DON’T TELL CAMERAN WHAT REALLY MADE KATHRYN WANT TO LIVE DOWNTOWN: “I can walk to Starbucks. We hit the gold mine.” - Kathryn
WHAT WHITNEY DOES WHEN HE VISITS OVERSEAS: “In Europe, my pursuits are numerous and varied – I love pheasant hunting, I travel around; Ibiza is great in the summer, Saint Tropez in the spring.”
BIGGEST UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE EPISODE: “That sounds so pretentious.” - Whitney talking about all of the things listed above.
SECOND BIGGEST UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE EPISODE: “We are not bound by structure or society.” - Whitney to Shep about how fortunate they are to have their wealth.
WHAT IS NOT IN SHEP’S 10-YEAR PLAN. MAYBE: “If I’m Whitney’s age and still running around like Whitney, you can stick a fork in me ... I will not be in my mid-40s trying to hook up with girls in their 20s ... I don’t think.”
WHITNEY’S DESCRIPTION OF PATRICIA’S HOUSE AND HER LOVE FOR ANIMALS: It’s “like Southern ‘Grey Gardens’ with the animals peeing and pooping everywhere ... She takes her animals very seriously.”
WHEN A PRICE TAG TOTALLY BOGGLES THE MIND: “Patricia has handbags that cost more than that.” - Landon in reference to an $18,000 necklace, in comparison to Patricia’s $104,500 Hermes alligator Birkin bag. Yes, I had to Google Birkin.
AN UNFAIR ASSESSMENT OF COOPER RAY AND HIS FOUNDER’S BALL: “He’s from Alabama, God bless him ...He has created his own ball since he wants to be part of high society.” - Cameran - (Let me say that there is nothing wrong with Alabama. At least it’s Southern and it’s not Delaware.)
HOW YOU KNOW YOUR BALL GOWN IS GOING TO BE EPIC: “It’s not a dress. It’s a moment.” - Kathryn to Craig about her Founder’s Day attire, also described as “all business in the front and a little bit of party in the back.”