It was a big night last night. The Duke Blue Devils out-scored Wisconsin’s Badgers to clinch the NCAA college basketball championship title. James Best, the beloved Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane of “Dukes of Hazzard” fame passed away. And on Bravo’s fourth installment of season two of “Southern Charm,” Kathryn continued to have choice words for Thomas. And Whitney. She’s beginning to make a habit of storming out on everyone. A stomper-offer, if you will.
The episode picks up where last week’s left off: Kathryn and Thomas are out to dinner and she’s lighting into him about how insensitive it was of him to make the “raise the roof” political ad for the “younger generation.” She told him he made that choice at the expense of her and at the expense of their daughter, especially.
She asks him if he’s going to apologize, but we’ve all seen that Thomas doesn’t necessarily do that too well. He said that he didn’t do anything wrong and she hurls the napkin at his face, tells him that he can take care of the baby that night and walks out. Then Thomas apologized. But not to Kathryn. And not for the booty-shaking campaign commercial. He apologized to their server for the commotion.
He tries to rationalize everything: He’s always thought that if they could live together peacefully for one month, he would marry her. But something always happens … it’s always a blow-out and he just hits the pause button. Talk about setting yourself up for failure, man.
Cut to Whitney and Shep’s beach house the day after their house-warming party. The one with the margarita machine. At least I assume that’s what the editors want us to think. For all we know, it could just be another random Wednesday. Somehow there is melted ice cream everywhere and Shep begins to clean up.
Truth be told, Shep says, Patricia’s house comes with a lot more perks ... someone cooks for you, everything’s clean and you don’t have to do anything. Men don’t have to live with a gazillionaire to have that happen. I sometimes suspect that may be why half of them get married in the first place.
Speaking of any random Wednesday, they find a pair of men’s britches on the porch.
Shep and Whitney get to discussing Thomas’ campaign ad and Whitney admits that it’s so absurd it has to work, right? Uh, I can’t say that I’d want to fork out $20,000 for something that can be described as absurd. And yes, that ad with Thomas dancing with the young gals and Whitney flipping burgers or hot dogs in the background cost Thomas $20,000.
Shep pretty much nails it on the head, though, because he understands the South Carolina constituency: it’s not like Thomas can portray himself as some church-going candidate talking about family values — he’s been to prison and has a child out of wedlock. Shep admits this is a very conservative state and we have a sense of humor, but only to a point, he says. Astute observation.
For example, we’ll allow reality shows to film here, but we won’t admit to anyone that we watch them. That’s just downright tacky.
Shep warns Whitney that Kathryn won’t be happy about it and Whitney, true to form, says it’s not about Kathryn. It’s about Thomas. He uses that same phrase a time or two later in the episode.
In an attempt to recoup that $20,000 perhaps, Thomas and JD put their heads together to plan a campaign fundraiser. Thomas wants to keep it casual and keep the cost down, so they agree to do it at Bowens Island.
“Money is the mother’s milk of politics,” Thomas says, “and we’re going against millions via my opponent.”
True. It’s like Lindsey Graham is an Orc and Thomas is a hobbit. The shortest hobbit. Ever in the history of hobbits.
Kathryn calls in the middle of their meeting and JD asks if she’s “mad as a hornet” about the commercial. Then these two men start talking about postpartum depression. JD acts like he knows because he has four kids. Well, until either one of you gentlemen grows a uterus and pops a baby out of it, you may want to just stop yourself right there with that kind of talk. You must zip it.
Thomas doesn’t understand why Kathryn is mad that he was dancing with girls. Then he and JD start talking about how guys want to see hot chicks. According to JD, “You think Hooters got there because of their awesome wings?”
Kathryn goes to Danni for comfort and reassurance after her argument with Thomas. You can see she’s starting to break down in a big way. She’s still talking about the campaign ad, but you can tell that she’s starting to have a hard time with what the commercial symbolizes in her life. She’s done a complete 180 from the person she was last year, she says. She changed so much specifically to make the relationship work and she doesn’t feel like Thomas made any effort. She says she’s fed up and it’s clear that she’s irrelevant to him.
They discuss gender roles in political advertising. Danni doesn’t see what girls in short skirts have to do with his campaign. Kathryn thinks it’s stupid. Even someone off the side of the street would think it’s stupid, she says. No one thinks he needs to be “raising the roof” because (A) no one does that anymore and (B) he’s running for a political office, according to Kathryn.
Can you imagine how bad the backlash would be if Thomas had a Hammer-Time commercial? Or the Tootsie Roll. Or the Electric Slide. Wait a minute, I do all those at weddings. And in my living room. All the time.
Landon and Cooper Ray are working together on a runway show for an evening suit collection of tuxedo separates, and they have enlisted Shep and Craig as models. Craig looks like he fell right off a GQ cover anyway, so you can tell this will be easy for him. But it’s not his first time. As he puts it, modeling is getting paid to go somewhere cool and wear cool clothes and hang out with pretty girls and get free stuff. So, yeah, there’s that.
And then there’s Shep, who admits to being out of his comfort zone. Bless his heart. He’s a tall man, so it’s just a lot of limbs waving around. He should probably stick to his day job. Whatever that is.
Eventually, it’s time for TomKat to make up, because they can’t stay mad at each other the entire episode. Or can they? Thomas thought they would all laugh over the commercial because men are from Mars and women are from Venus and all these Hollywood people are all about creating art and they thought it was so funny. But he doesn’t apologize.
Kathryn says that it’s over and done with, that she wants to move on and make this work. She wants peace because they’ve been at each other’s throats for too long. She’s moving forward. But he doesn’t apologize. He says thank you.
I was sincerely hoping he would have his redemption moment. But no, they just mumble their I love yous and that’s it.
It’s time to take a look at Whitney’s new restaurant that he’s opening with his Planet Hollywood friend Bryan from Los Angeles. The rock and roll Mexican fusion place or something. One of the first things he asks about is the brick walls ... is it pre-Civil War brick or post-Civil War brick?
Bryan sits down with Whitney and tells him that he wants him to be hands-on with menu and with the chef and with the design, but that he’s also hoping Whitney will spend some time at the front of the house.
For those that don’t know food and beverage terminology, that pretty much means that Bryan wants Whitney at the hostess stand. Not as a hostess, though, Bryan says, but someone that’s going to greet people. Oh, I get it — like a maitre’d. Yes, I see. That’s totally different than a hostess.
Cameran and Shep meet at The Palace Hotel, Shep’s fancy hot dog restaurant. I don’t think it had been open long at the time of filming, but Cameran said it was unorganized, poorly decorated and had a motley crew for a staff. She said it is the embodiment of William Shepard Rose III and should just be called “Shep.”
“It’s not a palace,” Shep says. “It’s not a hotel either, but we can get you a room.”
Cameran considers ordering a White Russian, but they don’t have any milk.
Shep tells Cameran about this girl he hooked up with, but she won’t sleep with him unless he dates her. He said he doesn’t even know what that means. Killing me, Smalls. Killing me softly over here.
Shep’s going to run into some trouble with this one — that gal wants commitment and he just wants “short term stuff.”
The conversation then turns to Craig, to which Cameran says that Craig wants to be Shep, so Shep should advise him. And Shep, with pure self-realization says, “this is the knowledge I’ve accrued in my 34-5 years of being an idiot.”
It’s time for the campaign fundraiser out at Bowens Island. We see some of the show’s cast members. Thomas’ political advisor. And Thomas’ mom. And that’s pretty much it. The lighting guy may have had to jump in there to fill the room out a bit. Shep says it’s as sparsely attended as the second christening. Whitney says he knows it’s going to be a bad fundraiser because it’s at “a crab shack.” Shep says he should have just lit his $250 donation check on fire.
Because the episode is almost over, we know that there’s bound to be some fireworks. Whitney is walking around the room making sure everyone sees the commercial on his phone. Per editing, it’s like he’s doing it over and over and louder and louder. This, of course, puts Kathryn in a state.
Kathryn says she’s trying to do what’s least stressful, even sacrificing her own feelings. It’s easier for her to just avoid Whitney because he’s so not worth her time, she says. But in keeping away from him, Kathryn is still talking about him — calling him obnoxious and talking about how disgusted she is and a lot of words are bleeped out.
And then she says this: “Whitney is this kind of baby troll that schemes his way and makes things happen, in ways that will benefit him in the end.” A baby troll. I’m guessing that’s worse than a grown-up troll. I don’t even know. Perhaps that’s just something the kids are saying these days.
Jenn and Danni convince her that she and Whitney need to have a face-to-face and take a stand so they don’t continue to repeat the situation. Kathryn tells Whitney that she wants to talk to him, but not in front of everyone so let’s take our reality show microphones and go somewhere else that still has good lighting before I storm off. Okay, I added in that last part.
She confronts him about how he didn’t think that the commercial would be embarrassing for her daughter, then he retorts that what she does is embarrassing for her daughter. They keep calling each other darlin’ but I’m so not buying it. It’s like I could see the condescension coming out of their pores. She tells him the ad is a joke (with some bad words). Whitney doesn’t consider that she’s Thomas’ platform and that he settled down. She’s not Thomas’ extra, she’s his partner.
She stomps off and leaves the party, passing Thomas in her haste. Danni chases her. Thomas asks if they had a tiff. Whitney talks about hell having no fury like some bad words that I can’t print.
Thomas didn’t apologize to anyone about anything or take to Kathryn’s side, but that’s probably because they needed the episode to be over.
I’ll bet he’ll apologize next week.
BEST SELF-REALIZATION MOMENT: We’re “like two overgrown degenerate frat boys.” - Whitney about rooming with Shep.
WHAT YOU CAN ONLY SAY TO YOUR GUY FRIEND AND NEVER A WOMAN WHEN YOU’RE A FATHER AND YOU HAVE A NANNY AND A DRIVER AND OTHER PEOPLE TO DO THINGS FOR YOU: “Do I look as tired as I feel?” - Thomas to JD
HOW TO PREPARE YOURSELF AS A POLITICIAN’S PARTNER: “I started cooking, cleaning ... I got 30 blazers.” - Kathryn on her life changes for Thomas
WHAT YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR AS A VOTER ABOUT A CANDIDATE: “Thomas is such an intelligent human, but he can’t make confident or right decisions.” - Kathryn
WHAT YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR SON SAY AFTER YOU JUST PAID FOR LAW SCHOOL: “A lawyer is fun and stuff, but if you’re going to pay me to be pretty ...” - Craig on modeling
WHITNEY’S NEW MANTRA: “It’s not about Kathryn, it’s about Thomas.”
THE ‘HOPEFULLY THIS IS THE LAST TIME I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN COMMERCIAL’ QUOTE: “Any commercial would have pissed her off because everything pisses her off.” - Whitney about Kathryn’s dislike of the “raise the roof” ad
NEXT WEEK: Shep has a talking-to with Craig, Thomas does more campaigning, Cooper Ray has his runway show and Kathryn may or may not say out loud that Craig is hot.