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Driving under the influence of stupidity
Thursday, Nov. 19, 2009
When asked, most people would say they're good drivers.
However, the fundamental problem with that theory is that most people are also idiots.
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Painting the town — and the walls and the floors and parts of the ceiling — red
Thursday, Nov. 12, 2009
Painting is easy.
You simply gather up all your old paint brushes, roller trays, drop cloths and -- VOILA! -- throw them in the trash and call a professional. Because when it comes to doing it yourself, it always ends the same way: With you getting paint in your hair, on the floor and occasionally, if you're lucky, on the wall, all the while killing your back because you were too cheap to buy that stupid $6 extender thingy for the paint roller that my wife told me I needed.
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There's no treat in being tricked
Thursday, Nov. 5, 2009
One Halloween we're dressing up as Mickey Mouse to go trick-or-treating, and the next we're staying at home so we can hand out Fun Size Snickers bars to all the kids who come to our front door. Granted, in my particular case, it actually was last year I dressed up as Mickey Mouse (and, Mom, I'm sorry about your pantyhose, I promise to get you a new pair), but still, I'm not going to lie: Those last 365 days sure went fast.
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As seen on TV
Bryce demonstrates what not to do on TV while on TV
Thursday, Oct. 29, 2009
With all due respect to Paula Abdul, when it comes to on-air presence there's nobody better than Warren Peper.
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Now you know II
This time it's personal
Thursday, Oct. 22, 2009
BRYCE'S NOTE: This is part two of my thought-provoking series on things everybody should know how to do. Last week, I addressed such subjects as how to give good directions, how to jump a dead car battery and how to stretch one column on things everybody should know how to do into two.
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Now you know
And knowing is half the battle (the other half being money)
Thursday, Oct. 15, 2009
BRYCE'S NOTE: I don't normally do this -- "this" being actually trying to teach you something in this space -- but for some reason, I felt compelled to share these things this week in the hopes of making the world a better place. OK, so not necessarily a better place, but at least a place where more people can tie their own shoelaces.
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Are you ready for some faux pas?
Thursday, Oct. 8, 2009
So it's the day of the big game. You've got your HDTV ready, the fridge fully stocked and all of your closest pals on the way to the house.
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Here comes the bride, there goes the pride
Thursday, Oct. 1, 2009
Weddings are those rare events that seem to always bring out the best in everyone. Unless they're dry. Then they're miserable.
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Euro gonna regret letting Bryce into your country
Thursday, Sept. 24, 2009
Europe is an amazing place.
The unbelievable sights. The fascinating sounds. The really friendly people.
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'Bizarre' star culinary diplomat to world
Globe-trotting Travel Channel host breaks bread in anthropological study of planet's unusual food
Wednesday, Sept. 16, 2009
Think of it as Adventures in Culinary Anthropology, with a sideline in ambassadorial studies. Just by breaking bread with them, not to mention kidneys, brains and entrails, Andrew Zimmern probably does more to enhance relations between people than a dozen diplomats.
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Hair we go again ...
Thursday, Aug. 27, 2009
God, I'm such a cliche.
The day I got married, I completely stopped taking care of myself. Now I don't mean that in the, "Wait, is he putting mayonnaise on his breakfast cereal again?" kind of way. I'm talking personal hygiene. More specifically: I stopped shaving. And showering. And brushing my teeth. And worrying about getting caught drinking at work.
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Speak of the devil
Thursday, Aug. 20, 2009
Two weeks ago, I was asked to speak at Citadel Mall about, among other things, Twitter, the social networking sensation that has everyone, including the creators of Twitter, going: "Can somebody please explain to me what Twitter is?"
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Next time I think I'll pass(port)
Thursday, Aug. 13, 2009
Let's say you're traveling to Europe this year. Let's also say your passport is valid through next year. Would you be worried? Of course you wouldn't. That's because you are an idiot.
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Next up: Improving this column
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The shed in our backyard has always been problematic. Sometimes it unlocks, sometimes it makes me want to take a chainsaw to it, throw the pieces into a wood chipper, douse the resulting pile of mulch in kerosene and set the whole thing on fire. Or, you know, something equally rational like that. (Fortunately we keep the chainsaw in the shed.)
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iThink iMight have a problem
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I'll never forget the first time we met. I was downtown shopping one afternoon, minding my own business when out of nowhere she appeared. She was dressed in all black and commanded the room's attention. Almost immediately I caught myself staring. As I went to look away I wasn't sure, but I thought she might have blown me a kiss. Later I realized that's silly, iPhones can't blow kisses.
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