Thursday, Feb. 4, 2010

Being a guy isn't easy. Sure there's the freedom to scratch yourself in public or belch the alphabet at the dinner table (naturally, pausing to laugh when you get to the letter "p"), but it isn't all swear words and noogies.

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Thursday, Jan. 28, 2010

We got a plus sign. Or maybe it was two dots. Or three cherries. You know what, I don't really remember. The point is, the pregnancy test said we're having a baby. I'll wait while you grab a chair.

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Thursday, Jan. 21, 2010

I've always dreamed of climbing Mount Everest. Mainly because I thought I might actually get decent cell reception up there. (I have AT&T.)

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Thursday, Jan. 14, 2010

The similarities are amazing. Big beak, middle-of-the-pack IQ, total disregard for grossing others out while cleaning ourselves in public, the list goes on.

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Thursday, Jan. 7, 2010

People often ask me, "Bryce, how did you get so funny?" (Forget for a moment that those people typically are related to me.)(And being sarcastic.)

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Thursday, Dec. 31, 2009

I remember it vividly. The year was 2000. I was watching "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?" and playing Pokemon with Elian Gonzalez while riding my Razor scooter around Broward County anxiously waiting the results of the presidential election (I think some dude named Chad ended up winning).

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Thursday, Dec. 24, 2009

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house were annoying relatives.

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Thursday, Dec. 17, 2009

In the past year and a half, I have gotten married, bought a house and taken the trip of a lifetime. All of which got me thinking: "Are my best poop jokes behind me?" I hate to say it, but I think the answer might be yes. Which means my worst fear has come true: I'm an adult now. How do I know?

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Thursday, Dec. 10, 2009

This past weekend, my dad and I went to visit my grandmother in Macon, Ga. (It's motto: "Macon you wish you lived somewhere else.") This is something the two of us do every year, by which I mean the last time we visited Grandma, she was 58.

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Thursday, Dec. 3, 2009

Let's face it, most of us would rather eat bees, have a root canal or watch porn with our parents than go shopping this holiday season, but the fact of the matter is sometimes the Internet goes down and we're forced to. (Go shopping, that is.)

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Thursday, Nov. 26, 2009

I've worked for the newspaper for 10 years now. Yeah, 10 years. That's a LOT of Pontiac Aztek jokes.

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Thursday, Nov. 19, 2009

When asked, most people would say they're good drivers. However, the fundamental problem with that theory is that most people are also idiots.

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Thursday, Nov. 12, 2009

Painting is easy. You simply gather up all your old paint brushes, roller trays, drop cloths and -- VOILA! -- throw them in the trash and call a professional. Because when it comes to doing it yourself, it always ends the same way: With you getting paint in your hair, on the floor and occasionally, if you're lucky, on the wall, all the while killing your back because you were too cheap to buy that stupid $6 extender thingy for the paint roller that my wife told me I needed.

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Thursday, Nov. 5, 2009

One Halloween we're dressing up as Mickey Mouse to go trick-or-treating, and the next we're staying at home so we can hand out Fun Size Snickers bars to all the kids who come to our front door. Granted, in my particular case, it actually was last year I dressed up as Mickey Mouse (and, Mom, I'm sorry about your pantyhose, I promise to get you a new pair), but still, I'm not going to lie: Those last 365 days sure went fast.

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Thursday, Oct. 29, 2009

With all due respect to Paula Abdul, when it comes to on-air presence there's nobody better than Warren Peper.

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