When a child doesn't make a sports team

Every fall, the hopeful warriors of tryout season stampede gyms and fields across the country. Whether they're upperclassmen hoping to make the leap to varsity or seventh-graders facing the selection process for the first time, each student faces the possibility of rejection.

"My coaches say that's the hardest thing they do, having to cut kids," said Terry Cooper, athletic director of Mountain Brook Schools in Birmingham, Ala.

Unlike grades that can be raised over the year, team cuts are quick, blunt and final. In today's parenting climate of positive reinforcement, not making the team may be the first time a child is told he is not good enough. What to say, then, to the sullen, sweaty child who slumps into the car outside the gym?

"Allow the kid to talk and find out where they're at emotionally," said John Murray, a sports psychologist in Palm Beach, Fla. "If it's a serious problem, find out from the coaches what to do next time."

Murray cautions parents against lashing out at coaches too quickly. He likens trying out for sports to a job hunt. Rather than retaliate, ask what you would need to do to be considered next time.

Students might also want to consider the reasons they want to join the team.

"Sometimes I find it's to be with friends, to please parents or to beat out others," Murray said. "Parents should do their homework (because kids) may not be as exuberant about the sport as they think."

From those conversations, create a backup plan. Whether it's playing the sport on a team outside of school or finding a new sport, it's important to stay in shape and not lose the athletic drive.

Cooper encourages those cut from selective teams to play "noncut" sports such as cross country.

Mountain Brook Junior High can have as many as 200 students on cross country, many of whom have been cut from other sports but use running to train for next year's team.

And remember, part of playing sports is learning how to lose. As Murray says: "When you don't succeed in reaching your objective, you learn more."