In good hands

When a person becomes a parent, there are lots of decisions to make.

Names. Nursery themes. Child care. Cloth or disposable?

But one thing parents don't want to think about is who will raise their children if something happens to them.

"I don't want to think about not being around to raise my children," says Andy Franklin of Mount Pleasant. "But I realize it's important to name guardians for them. If something happened to my wife and me, I don't want their lives to be more upset than they have to be. Plus, this way, I decide who raises them if I can't."

Guardians are responsible for a child's care, health, education and welfare until the child reaches 18. The decision of who will be your child's guardian should be made during the estate planning process.

"It's not unusual for parents to delay naming guardians for their minor children," says Nicholas Smith, a lawyer in Dorchester County. "It's a very personal, emotional decision. Parents can have a tough time with it, but if they don't name guardians, the courts will. Even if you think you don't have enough assets to have a will, having a child is enough of a reason."

Franklin says he learned quickly that the decision is a personal one.

"This doesn't have to do so much with the law as other things," he says. "If you ask this person and not that person, it's probably going to hurt someone's feelings, but this is about doing what's best for your children, not about making relatives happy."

Franklin says he and his wife, Haley, considered lots of pros and cons for their two preschool-age sons.

"Her sister is single. Does she want to be saddled raising our children? My brother already has three kids. Does he want two more? Are our parents too old? Thankfully, we were on the same page and we were able to name guardians."

Mary Simmons of Summerville and her husband, Alex, weren't on the same page when they first started talking about it more than a decade ago.

"We couldn't settle on anyone, so we never did it when the kids were little," she says. Now, with two pre-teens, Simmons says the decision is easier.

"Some people we thought about back then aren't in our lives now or aren't in a situation to take on raising kids," Simmons says. "Plus, the kids have opinions now of what they would want."

"What are some things to consider when choosing a guardian?

To begin, the guardian must be at least 18. Other considerations include whether the person has a concern for the child's welfare, is able to handle the job, has the same moral beliefs and whether the children would have to move, according to the Web site nolo.com, which offers free legal information, online document preparation and more.

"I know I wanted someone whose parenting style is similar to mine," says Carrie Knight of North Charleston. "And I want her brought up in the church. Those two things helped me narrow the field from the very beginning."

Knight says she wrote a letter to her daughter's guardian outlining some things she thought were important.

Additionally, a guardian should be someone who has a relationship with your child.

"I would have named my stepsister, but she lives in another state and doesn't see my daughter very often," Knight says.

Many parents choose a couple to be guardians, but that can lead to more decisions. What if the one partner dies or the couple divorce?

Also, sometimes a guardian's situation changes, making it necessary for parents to rethink their decision. What if your guardian moves, gets sick, gets divorced or marries someone you don't like?

Smith says it's also important to name in your will people you don't want to raise your children.

"If you know that, say it," he says. "Your first priority is your children."

Most times, parents choose the same guardian for all of their children. However, if the children don't have both parents in common or are far apart in age, or if a child has formed a relationship with someone, parents might name different people.

Smith says that one thing that often helps parents is the advice that they should think in the short term.

"You can, and should, reconsider this decision regularly," he says.

Once you have chosen a guardian, ask him if he's willing.

"My mother told me that she and my dad named my aunt and uncle as our guardians when we were little, but they never knew it," Simmons says. "Can you imagine? One day a social worker would show up on their doorstep with me and my two brothers and say, 'Here you go!' " she says. "That could have been a disaster."

Ask the potential guardian to carefully consider the responsibility that goes with it.

"Some people just aren't comfortable with the idea," Smith says.

Simmons and her husband recently completed the task.

"It took us more than 10 years, but it feels good to have it done," Simmons says. "It gives us peace of mind, and I hope that's all we'll ever need it for."

Brenda Rindge can be reached at 937-5713 or brindge@postandcourier.com.