Oh baby, you're not going to believe this

We got a plus sign.

Or maybe it was two dots. Or three cherries. You know what, I don't really remember. The point is, the pregnancy test said we're having a baby.

I'll wait while you grab a chair.

I know. Crazy, right? And I know what you're thinking. But my wife hasn't been out of my sight since we got married so it's probably mine. And, yes, it's going to be tough raising a child in this economy, but I can assure you, even when I am busy at work, busting my rump working the extra hours so I can afford to buy all the new clothes, toys and diapers my brand-new little tyke needs, I will always leave the trunk cracked so it gets plenty of fresh air.

Which reminds me, it sure will be nice when the time comes that we don't have to call it an "it" anymore. (I'll leave that to other parents who will most certainly be confused by its drawn-on moustache and Hello Kitty Onesie.) I am told this should happen somewhere around Week 22 (we're in week 16 right now), when we have our second ultrasound. Either that or we could just leave the toilet seat up one day and see if the baby kicks. (If it does, it's a girl).

Now, I realize having another person in the house is going be an adjustment. But to be honest, I think it's going to be tougher on me than my wife. After all, she's lived with a child for almost two years already. (Rim shot.)

Since we let the cat out of the bag a few weeks ago, people keep asking me, "So ... are you excited?" As if my answer could possibly be anything other than a resounding, "I'm sorry, what?"

Because the truth is, I've been kind of lost lately. In fairness, this whole "supporting another human being until they turn 6 and can get their own job" thing is a lot of pressure on a guy.

But every time I start to panic and think I'm not fit to be a dad, I remind myself of what my grandfather used to always say: "That Britney Spears is a skank."

Though his message might be encoded, I think what he means is if Britney Spears can raise two children, anybody can. And, oddly enough, that thought calms me down every time. Plus, with all the other stuff going on in preparation for the baby, it's not like I have much spare time to panic anyway. Especially when it comes to making important decisions like which stroller to buy -- the expensive one ($900) one or the cheap one ($850) -- or which day care to choose. I mean, my wife and I have visited about a half-dozen day cares already, and we have yet to find one that doesn't have a waiting list of at least six months. Or expects you to pay them.

But luckily there are a bunch of baby books sitting around the house that make things simpler. By which I mean, more confusing. Books like "Birthing From Within" (Where else could it come from?), "Top 100 Baby Purees" (Wait, people eat babies?) and "Belly Laughs: The Naked Truth About Pregnancy and Childbirth" by Jenny McCarthy (Where are all the naked photos?) only prompt more questions.

But in the end, I usually just lean on the strength of my wife. You know, by making her open jars of pickles and carrying in the groceries from the car. After all, I need all the rest I can get over the next few months because I'm about to become a dad.

Which now that I see it written, really makes me smile.

By which I mean freak the hell out. (Britney Spears. Britney Spears.)

OK, I'm good now. At least for the next six months or so.

Bryce Donovan is actively looking for godparents who are caring and willing to baby-sit seven days a week for free (but mainly the second part). Reach him at 937-5938 or bdonovan@postandcourier.com.