That's one strange bird

The similarities are amazing.

Big beak, middle-of-the-pack IQ, total disregard for grossing others out while cleaning ourselves in public, the list goes on.

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Bryce Donovan - Gone to the birds

Bryce Donovan recently spent a day at the S.C. Aquarium playing with some Magellanic penguins. During his time behind the scenes he discovered that they're inquisitive, playful and roughly as intelligent as he is. (OK, more.)

You know, I never realized how much I had in common with penguins until I spent a day at the South Carolina Aquarium. But from the moment I picked up "Grandpa," the laid back 17-year-old Magellanic penguin, I knew I had finally found my animal equivalent.

Well, except for the whole "adorable" thing. I think penguins probably have me beat in that category. But I'd like to see them text while driving.

Anyway, for two hours last week, I went behind the scenes with the aquarium's senior biologist, Clint Ball, and hung out with four of the coolest animals you'll ever see (they have four male Magellanic penguins under their care at the S.C. Aquarium until 2011).

During that time, I learned all sorts of little-known facts about the flightless birds. For instance, did you know that penguins waddle when they walk? Wait, sorry. Stupid crayons. I can barely read these notes. Um ... let's see, what else do I have here ... I like penguins because they are neat? DANG IT! You know what? Let's just see what Wikipedia has to say instead. (Pause.)

OK, here we go: Did you know that penguins can dive for up to 10 minutes at a time and can reach depths greater than 500 feet?

Or that Magellanic penguins are excellent parents because they feed their offspring by regurgitation for the first eight to 16 weeks after they are born?

Or that I should probably read this stuff before blindly pasting it into my column because I just threw up a little in my mouth? (Hmm, maybe I actually am a penguin.)

But the neat facts don't stop there. Well, OK, they kinda do. Penguins are pretty simple creatures. They eat, waddle and stare out at a bunch of grubby little kids who keep tapping on their bedroom window all day.

Other than that, there's not a whole lot to them. But, my God, they're cute. I mean seriously. Name one animal that's cuter.

Koalas? Please. They look like a bird mated with a possum.

Baby polar bears? Put a baby spotted seal in front of them and see how cute they still are.

Bunnies? Seriously? That's your answer?

The penguin wins every time. It never fails. About the only thing you can say bad about them is that they're short. But we're not recruiting an NBA All-Star team here, so that shouldn't really even count.

So what's my point? I have no idea. But I will say is this: I rarely have a point.

I do, however, feel the need to say that if you ever have a chance to see some penguins up close, you should take advantage of the opportunity. Because unlike most other animals, they actually seem interested in people.

Well, maybe that's just how they were with me because they thought I was their dad or something.

Which reminds me: Can you get sick from eating raw mackerel?

Just like penguins, Bryce Donovan also wears a tuxedo when he goes swimming. Oddly enough, though, he wears a Speedo to black tie events. Reach him at 937-5938 or bdonovan@postandcourier.com.