Tiger should just shut up

Tiger Woods will emerge from a very deep hole today in Punxsutawney, Fla. Like the same Sonny and Cher wake-up tune on "Groundhog Day" you will hear the freshest Tiger sound bytes over and over and over again. Until they are as stale as the Bill Murray imitation repeated too often from the next cubicle.

Sad.

At this game, the most accomplished winner in sports cannot win.

Scrutiny is such that every bit of today's Tiger appearance story needs revision.

--Timing.

It's too early for the greatest golfer in planet history to talk about marital woes heard 'round the world.

And action always beats words.

--Setting.

You don't have to be Dr. Phil (or even look like him) to know crisis management is done best behind closed doors. Whatever Tiger says is a target for silly cynics and those seriously concerned.

PGA headquarters? Florida?

Why not in front of a reputable marriage counseling clinic.

--Audience.

Yes, a small number of wire service reporters and golf writers are invited to the Tiger op.

But they won't be able to ask questions. If they do, they are unlikely to get answers.

An overly controlled message was a Tiger problem even before his Thanksgiving weekend explosion. A no-holds-barred news conference open to real journalists might work better for a celebrity apparently in full image-rebuilding mode.

Judgment call

This proposed format is so pathetic it turns critics sympathetic.

While judging Tiger, don't forget the guy who installed your floor, the woman who designed your blouse or kitchen, that wacky funster in the next cubicle. And I bet Tiger has raised more cash for charity, visited more sick kids, given more free golf lessons than most cruise ship rosters combined.

Of course, there are consequences.

Fellow golfer Ernie Els got off a Tiger blast Thursday, saying the "selfish" timing of today's carefully staged appearance takes away from the WGC-Accenture Match Play Championship in Arizona.

Els is right. The golf world will pay close attention to Florida, not Arizona.

Will Tiger reveal his intention to make a comeback at next week's Waste Management Phoenix Open?

Or wait until the Masters?

Longer?

Obama gaffe

But, contrary to popular belief, the entire golf biz doesn't depend only on the only son of Earl and Tida Woods.

Just seems that way.

Exhibit A: The January issue of Golf Digest. The magazine features a "10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger" cover story.

Go ahead and pause here to add your own list of 10 jokes.

It appears editors of the fine publication are so all-in with Tiger and so enamored with the all-star writers assembled to weigh in on the subject (Tom Brokaw, John Feinstein, Thomas L. Friedman, Arnold Palmer, etc. ...) they conveniently forgot those irritating tabloid scoops that wound up leading national newscasts.

Tiger-Obama similarities, wrote Joe Queenan, include, "They both have great-looking wives."

In fact, the January, 2010, Golf Digest "went to print" (as staffers have constantly blogged) two weeks before Tiger's tumultuous Thanksgiving indigestion.

But it shows how much Tiger means to golf.

The man-made mess will draw interest from non-golf enthusiasts, too.

At least for a little while.

Today, for instance.

As unfortunately as a fourth shot from the same sand trap.

Reach Gene Sapakoff at gsapakoff@postandcourier.com.