One year down, hopefully more to go
PROVIDED
The first year of marriage was a real learning experience for Bryce. His wife? Eh, not so much. I mean, she's still married to him after all.
On Sunday I celebrated my first wedding anniversary. Or, as my wife likes to call it, "I still can't believe I said yes."
As for the day itself, well, we didn't really do anything too fancy. Simply grabbed a bite to eat and then visited the spot where we exchanged vows. But as we were sitting there under the trees, looking out over the meandering Ashley River and the cattails of the marsh, something strange happened; I sensed myself being overcome by a powerful feeling.
Anyway, once I got back from the men's room, I thought it might be a good time to do a little reflecting on my first year of marriage. And that's when I realized just how much I had learned during those initial 365 days. Things like ...
I will never be on time again. Ever.
My wife is late to everything. Social gatherings. Appointments. Time management classes.
When we got married I, Bryce Donovan — the one who was always five minutes early to everything — suddenly became "the late guy." So now, not only are we always the last couple to show up to the party, we're also the ones the poor Target employees have to come find and ask to leave because the store closed two hours ago.
Being the master of your domain is key.
Guys, trust me when I tell you that early on you need to establish who's in charge of your household. The sooner you take care of that, the sooner you can get back to watching HGTV while braiding your wife's hair.
Any given night can become pizza night.
I don't know if all women love pizza as much as my wife does, but it doesn't take much to get her to decide we need pizza for dinner. Or breakfast, for that matter.
Mystery smells are always the dog's fault.
Unless you are looking to be bludgeoned to death with the bedside lamp, never, under any circumstances ask your wife if she fired a "one-gun salute."
Instead, in the most serious tone you can muster, go, "BAD DOG!" Oh, and then discretely crush up some Tums and mix them in her morning coffee.
Women want sympathy, not solutions.
When a man tells someone they have a problem, they're looking for advice on how to fix it. On the other hand, when a woman tells someone they have a problem, they want them to go, "Wow. That is awful. I am so sorry."
The LAST thing they want you to do is tell them maybe if you didn't drive all the way home from the office with the emergency brake on, the car — and the neighborhood, for that matter — wouldn't smell like one giant tire fire.
Avoid putting your marriage on national television.
History has shown that having TV cameras around is a sure-fire way to end up divorced. Just look at Nick and Jessica, Jon and Kate, Frazier and Lillith, the list goes on.
Tell your spouse you love them every day.
I know it sounds corny, but sometimes it's important to remind your loved one that you cherish them as much today as you did the day you tied the knot.
This is especially critical right after you have taken a Twinkie, which you cut in half so you could give your wife the half that you secretly scooped out the filling and replaced with mayonnaise. Because she is going to kill you just as soon as she's done vomiting.
I'm sure there are plenty more things I could share but the truth is, I kind of want to be able to write about what it's like to be married for two years.
So I'll simply leave you with this: When you finally find the right person to spend the rest of your life with, you suddenly become OK with being late to every party because you were eating pizza while watching HGTV and ... Oh, my God ... BAD DOG!
Bryce Donovan loves his wife as much today as the day they got married, if not more. Reach him at 937-5938 or bdonovan@postandcourier.com.
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Comments
MisWesaMoves (anonymous) says...
Awe..sooo sweet! Congrats to you BD! And good job on the reprogamming/training you've done on Bryce, Kristen! This really makes me smile :)
June 25, 2009 at 8:21 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
MarylandDave (anonymous) says...
I thought you were the one with the mayonnaise issues Bryce, didn't realize your wife hates it too.
I thought you guys were married longer than a year - if I remember, did you get married at Middleton Place? When I was down there this year, I fell asleep on a bench for a couple of hours underneath the Middleton Oak one afternoon! Very peaceful!
June 25, 2009 at 9:09 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Dharma (anonymous) says...
I never want to be late! Never, being a Virgo and anal besides I start leaving for appointments 30 minutes before I have to even if they are across the street!
My husband? No freakin way. I am dressed, standing by the door with keys in my hand and he is still at the keyboard "just one more render of Maya and we can go" Not that he has showered or dressed yet!
I have given up being angry(unless we miss a plane or something). Being married for 17 years this November you get used to dealing with things.
You plan for them. We need to fly to Atlanta next week for medical treatment. I got the connection that leaves ATL at 10:20AM, I told hubby the plane leaves CHS at 9AM so we can be there on time!
It comes down to this, what does being late mean compared to having a loving partner who has seen me through 2 cancers and tons of other stuff? Not a darn thing.
June 25, 2009 at 2:09 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
alaskared (anonymous) says...
I am impressed that you learned the sympathy/solution correlation in just one year!! My husband hasn't figured it out yet and it's been 16 years! You're a quick study, kiddo!!
June 25, 2009 at 4:30 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
bdonovan (Bryce Donovan) says...
Love your attitude Dharma. I feel the same way. It used to drive me crazy but now I kind of go, "You know what? Big deal. So we're late. At least I'm showing up late with the hottest chick at the party." (By which, of course, I mean "best personality.")
June 25, 2009 at 4:39 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
DaBaldGuy (anonymous) says...
LOL I knew I wasn't alone! Blame the dog, check. Comfort food (instead of pizza it's pesto pasta or soup ... I hate soup!), check. Not understanding how to "just listen", check. Running late, check... though we are usually early to things because the panic of being late sets in like a category 5 hurricane about 30 minutes from when we're are supposed to be someplace. For some reason places I normal get to in 15 minutes, in her mind always take 30 when we are "running late". But with all of the dog blaming, soup and stress of running late (and sometimes it's hard to see through all of this when it's happening) there are the wonderful things. Look at all your single friends, wasting countless evenings looking for what we have! Do I get sick of pesto pasta or soup, sure I do! But I also get to come home to someone I love every night, someone who has my back when others may not, and someone who is content just being with being by my side watching HGTV : (yeah I'm starting to like it now, but I still watch Speed TV .. when she leaves the room) it's a wonderful and fulfilling feeling. Now I will say being that I lead people for a living and I am the one who ultimately approves how things get fixed it's really hard to not try and fix things when from my standpoint, she is asking me to solve a problem. But I am learning. I'm learning to talk less and listen more. Learning to say yes dear your right (even if it's not my first choice), but one day I will be full trained. It's a wonderful thing being married and though I have only been married just over a year (and yes someday that year feels like 10 years) I still wouldn't trade it for the world! To many more 1 year anniversaries!
BD
June 25, 2009 at 5:10 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
HaroldKuntz (anonymous) says...
What a great column, Bryce! With such advanced learning in the first year, I predict you won't screw up this marriage for at least a couple more years. And I know I've said this before, but dang dude....she is waaaaaay to hot for you! Do you still have to use the chloroform to get her to come to bed or has she given up the fight?
Happy Anniversary!!!!
June 25, 2009 at 5:46 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
bdonovan (Bryce Donovan) says...
HK, there's not a single day that goes by where I don't think about how lucky I am to have outkicked my coverage. I just make sure to tell my wife how much I love her daily and then thank God in the evenings. It's like I'm living in a beer commercial (they always have these nerds with super hot chicks in them).
June 25, 2009 at 9:23 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
REDSOX_FANATIC (anonymous) says...
Im comming up on 3 years and they have flew by. A couple of things that i have learned that are very simple and always keep me from sleeping with the dogs. #1,a rose and card every cpl weeks works wonders. #2,a simple i love you and have a good day at work starts her morning out right wich most likely leads to a good day. #3,spontanaity is the key to keeping the relationship fresh...spur of the moment dinners and movies,shopping(doesnt have to be expensive)and night time walks hand in hand on folly beach. And last but definately not least random "I love yous"...works for me anyway and I was the one who said id never get married but 3 years and a adorable 18 month old son who carries my name later I wouldnt trade it for the world
June 29, 2009 at 12:02 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
REDSOX_FANATIC (anonymous) says...
And one more perk...my wife is a sox fan too and is the only woman outside of boston who can recite the whole Redsox roster and starting line-up and pitching rotation...Shes a Clemson fan too...JACKPOT
June 29, 2009 at 12:05 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
wellinformed (anonymous) says...
I love your article and I love the responses! You hit a home run with this one!!! WTG!! That being said from someone who has been married for 12 years and started dating her husband 18 years ago! :)
June 30, 2009 at 10:45 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
bdonovan (Bryce Donovan) says...
Thanks wellinformed!
July 6, 2009 at 4:18 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
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