iThink iMight have a problem

I'll never forget the first time we met. I was downtown shopping one afternoon, minding my own business when out of nowhere she appeared. She was dressed in all black and commanded the room's attention. Almost immediately I caught myself staring. As I went to look away I wasn't sure, but I thought she might have blown me a kiss. Later I realized that's silly, iPhones can't blow kisses.

But you know what? That's about the only thing they can't do. (Well, that and make phone calls without dropping them.) So I got one.

I know, I know. But I just couldn't help myself. It was too amazing to pass up.

Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: You've become one of them, Bryce. You've become a sheep. A follower. You drank the Rite Aid.

And you're absolutely right. But I have to tell you, getting an iPhone is easily the second greatest moment in my life. The first, obviously being when my wife took my hands in hers and with tears welling up in her eyes, made me the luckiest guy in the world when she said, "Oh OK, you can get one."

And to be honest, it's actually done wonders for our relationship. The iPhone and me. Not my wife. She hates it. In fact just the other day, as I was sitting on the couch playing with it, she said, "You know I'm a better kisser than your stupid phone, right?"

Naturally I responded with a hearty laugh and a "Of course I do, honey!"

And though I stick by my answer, if I had it to do all over again, I think I might try to respond inside 15 seconds next time.

But on the bright side I can send e-mail, surf the Web and download cool apps and games all from the comfort of the couch. I have full confidence that one day my wife will let us, er, me, back into the bedroom. It just might take a little time is all.

Right now you might be asking yourself, "Bryce, is there a purpose to all this rambling?" If so, you are clearly not a regular reader. Because if there's one thing my regular readers know it's that when it comes to reading one of my columns, there's always one thing you can take to the bank, and that is ... um, I forgot.

Anyway, the point is, I often spin my tires mentally but I usually get a free pass because I'm so handsome.

So back to the phone. Not only does it surf the Web faster than my home computer but it can also do a bunch of other things my old phone never could. For starters, it doesn't even require a cord running into the wall. And there's even this really cool feature the salesman referred to as, "touch tone." Very exciting.

So I guess the real question here, besides "Did you live under power lines as a child?" is "Will you, Bryce Donovan, ever go back to your old phone?"

Though you'd think the answer would be a resounding "no," it's actually more like, "possibly." After all, I'm afraid the folks at the Apple store are going to try to ruin my perfect little setup by going to the police and making up some crazy story about how some creepy guy was talking dirty to one of the display iPhones and then ran out with it screaming, "You can't stop true love!" while hurdling over security. Or, you know, something totally farfetched and not in any way true like that.

But until that day comes I am going to cherish my iPhone and the time we have together.

I think I'll start by using it to call my wife to tell her I've got dinner reservations for just the two of us tonight.

She'll probably want to come though.

Bryce Donovan hopes there's a 12-step program for this sort of thing. Reach him at 937-5938 or bdonovan@postandcourier.com.