Teen 'sexting' risky behavior

Across the Lowcountry, kids are returning to school this week, and many have powerful new weapons in their pockets, purses and book bags that they received over the holidays: cell phones with built-in cameras and text-messaging capabilities.

About 80 percent of teens and nearly half of all kids ages 8 to 12 have a cell phone, according to a recent Nielsen report. That number soars to 93 percent for the 18- to 24-year-old age group.

"Our kids have grown up with cell phones," says Ashley Camp of Charleston. "Many people don't even have home phones anymore. Gone are the days of everyone running for the phone because it might be for them. Now everybody in the family has their own phone, and they all have different ring tones."

And that means parents often don't know what their children are up to.

A recent study revealed that a shockingly high percentage of the teens and young adults have engaged in "sexting," a word that has been coined to describe the practice of sending sexually suggestive text messages or revealing pictures via cell phone.

Think of it as high-tech flirting, only worse. That's because sending such messages could be illegal, and the sender — and in some cases, the recipient — could end up involved in a family court or civil court case or being evaluated as a sexual offender, says Sgt. Trisha Taylor of the Charleston Police Department's sexual exploitation unit.

"Unfortunately, most of these cases don't get reported," she says.

But those who are involved could be charged with possessing child pornography or sending obscenity. Those crimes range from misdemeanors to felonies.

And if you think your child would NEVER, EVER do it, consider this:

One in five teens and about a third of adults ages 20-26 say they've sent or posted naked or semi-naked photos or videos of themselves, and 39 percent of teens and 59 percent of those ages 20-26 say they've sent suggestive messages, according to the "Sex and Tech" survey by the nonprofit National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl.com. The survey was performed by Teenage Research Unlimited from Sept. 25-Oct. 3.

"As parents, we know that kids are impulsive," says Camp, a mother of daughters ages 11 and 15. "They are irresponsible. We can talk till we are blue in the face, but they already know everything. We have to keep a close eye on what they are doing to save them from themselves. But I think if you ask most parents, they have no idea who their kids are texting or what they are texting about."

Behind screens — computer, phone or otherwise — folks tend to be braver. In fact, 22 percent of teens and 28 percent of young adults say they are "more forward" digitally than "in real life."

While it is possible for parents to set restrictions on phone and computer usage through their carriers, the study suggests that parents should make sure they are clear with their teens about what is considered appropriate behavior and give them reminders from time to time. Many pictures that don't seem inappropriate still can be damaging, such as photos of mooning, flashing, going to the bathroom or even dressing up in suggestive outfits for fun.

Not only should children be told not to send such communications, but they also should be taught ways to avoid receiving it.

"You want to give your child access to this technology, but it's scary when you don't understand it yourself," Summerville parent Brent Kay says. "If you've ever been on Facebook or MySpace, you can tell there are a lot of kids on there who aren't monitored by their parents, and those are public forums. You can only imagine what kids are doing when they think they have a degree of anonymity, like with texting."

Monica Vila, founder of TheOnlineMom.com, a resource for parenting in a digital age, suggests setting these rules for kids:

--Never e-mail or IM your picture to someone you don't know; they may not be who they say they are.

--Never open a picture a stranger has sent you by e-mail or IM (strangers include people you've met online but don't know in person).

--Never post sexually provocative pictures.

--Don't use Webcams without parental supervision. When using them, always know what's in their field of vision, and always turn them off and close their lenses when you're finished.

--Never post pictures of anyone else without their permission.

Although 73 percent of the survey's respondents said they know sending sexually suggestive content "can have serious negative consequences," another 22 percent said it's "no big deal."

"That just goes to show the world our kids live in," Kay says. "To me, just the thought of what could happen would be enough to keep a kid from doing it. In our day, something like that would be devastating, but that's not the case anymore. Our kids have seen so many famous people get in scandals and come out unscathed that they aren't afraid of embarrassing themselves."

Also in the survey, 48 percent of teens and 64 percent of young adults said they have received sexually suggestive text messages.

And often, those who receive them share them with others.

"Last year, my friend's girlfriend sent him some pretty amazing photos of herself," says one Summerville High School teen. "He showed them to me and a couple of other friends."

A third of teen boys and 40 percent of young men say they've seen nude or semi-nude images sent to someone else; about a quarter of teen girls and young adult women have, according to the survey.

"Most guys I know have seen stuff like this," he says, and it's even worse after the couple breaks up. "When they aren't going out anymore, lots of times, people will show you stuff to be vindictive. People don't think about the future when they send these things."

Brenda Rindge can be reached at 937-5713 or brindge@postandcourier.com.