This one's for all (three of) his fans

One of the best parts about this job is the relationships I've been able to form with some of my readers over the years. Naturally, I do this via the most intimate way possible: e-mail. I mean, I'm not an idiot here. Think about it: If these people enjoy my sense of humor, odds are they aren't rowing with both oars in the water, if you catch my drift.

Anyway, as a way of saying thanks for not crossing the line (from cyberstalking to actually following me home from work), this column is for you, the readers.

So I'll open up the floor to any and all of your questions, by which I mean I'll take the four real ones I got and then pair them with the half-dozen or so that I just made up 30 seconds ago.

Let's get this party started with a real actual question sent in by reader Lyn:

Q. Bryce, is there anything you won't do or try for the sake of your column?

A. Obviously, I try to avoid anything that makes me have to "do" anything — like leave the office, get up out of my desk chair, think hard, etc. — but assuming it doesn't conflict with that basic principle, I am willing to try just about anything. Except prunes. I don't understand how people eat those things.

Q. Where do you get your column ideas?

A. You mean like this one?

Q. No, I mean good ones.

A. (Awkward silence.) HEY LOOK! A BEAR! (Runs the other way.)

Q. Bryce I think you're awesome.

A. Great question! Thanks for writing in.

Q. When you were in school, were you a class clown or a straight arrow?

A. Believe it or not, I was the best-behaved student in my class. Not to mention the valedictorian.

Q. Wait, weren't you home schooled?

A. Next question!

Q. I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What is it?

A. I don't know ... 21?

Q. Sorry, I was looking for, "What kind of son with a physics degree goes into journalism? I mean, journalism? Seriously? Great career move there, Brainiac. I'm so glad we paid all that money so that you could throw away your future. OK, I'd better stop before I say something I'm going to regret, so I'll just leave it at this: I wish I was sterile."

A. Thanks Dad. You've been a really big help here.

Q. Bryce, is it true that when you were 12 years old and at a friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner you once flushed an entire plate of green beans down the toilet that you had smuggled into the bathroom in your napkin because you were told if you didn't finish them all you couldn't have dessert?

A. Yes.

Q. Guys seem to be emotionally tied to their first cars. What was yours?

A. It was a navy blue 1978 Mercedes 240D. Quite possibly the ultimate chick magnet. In 1978. Unfortunately for me, I drove it in 1995.

Q. Don't you think you should visit your mother more often? I mean, she only lives three hours away and I don't think it's too much to ask for you to come to visit more than two or three times a year.

A. Mom, I'm kind of busy here.

Q. Doing what? Making up silly questions?

A. Touche. See you this weekend.

Q. Of all the columns you've written, which one would you say is your favorite?

A. Great question. I have to say whatever column I'm writing at the time is my favorite.

Q. I think I'm going to throw up.

A. Yeah, totally kidding. I pretty much mail it in these days. So I'd have to say my favorite was one I wrote about five years ago. I forget what it was about, but I remember it was pretty awesome.

Q. So you were in People magazine a couple of years ago. Did that gig land you any chicks?

A. Actually yes. I got a wife out of the deal.

Q. No, I meant, like, real women. Not imaginary ones.

A. Oh. Then no.

Q. Why can't I find a decent man over the age of 35 out there?

A. Only one question per family member, Mom.

Q. I'm constantly amazed how skilled newspaper journalists are able to sift through all the different storylines when dealing with complex characters and situations in order to weave a coherent and flowing narrative that can be enjoyed by virtually all readers. My question is: What is it like working with those kind of people?

A. (Begins sobbing.)

Q. I'll get you out of here on an easy one: Do you prefer boxers or briefs?

A. Not really.

Bryce Donovan loves getting your e-mails but politely requests you don't send him any more naked pictures (Dad) because he keeps getting in trouble with the IT Department. Reach him (with clean wholesome fun) at 937-5938 or bdonovan@post