Mastering another tongue (oh, grow up)
(oh, grow up)
By Bryce Donovan
PROVIDED
Bryce says the 'Rosetta Rock' software makes learning a new language so easy, you'll want to do it everywhere: at home, at work, driving home from work, showering, operating heavy machinery, etc.
I've never been very good at picking up foreign languages.
True story: I took Spanish for four years in high school and always thought, "Tengo que hacer un cuarto de baño en mis pantalones," meant, "Where are your bathrooms, please?" But just last week, I learned — and keep in mind this is after two vacations to Cancun and roughly 7,000 trips to the Mexican restaurant near my house, where I always thought I was showing off to the wait staff — it actually means, "I need to make a bathroom in my pants."
So needless to say, when it comes to (fill in the blank), I'm a moron. For this particular example, we'll go with "learning a new dialect."
That's why I was so excited when I found out about a new product that helps people with my level of intelligence (hamster) not embarrass themselves when learning a foreign language (such as "West Virginian"). So what is it called? Well, for the sake of journalistic integrity — after all, I don't want to be accused of angling for free software such as, oh, we'll just randomly pick one here: "Spanish Level 1, 2 & 3 (Latin America) With Audio Companion" — we'll just call it "Rosetta Rock." (At the risk of giving away too much, it is also endorsed by Michael Phelps, who reportedly used it to learn how to ask for Doritos in 15 different languages.)
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I was watching, er, flipping the channel past HGTV, when I saw an ad for "Rosetta Rock." I saw that they were offering a free demo CD-ROM. So I went online and filled out all the information for my free beginner's lesson of German (seriously). A few days later, it came in the mail. I fired it up and almost immediately began to pick up elementary words and phrases. The way it works is simple: by using high-definition porn. Just kidding. (Although that would probably work, too.) "Rosetta Rock" uses images of people doing simple acts (like running or eating) so that you can associate certain words with certain images. The company claims that this is a much more natural way to learn than through tedious memorization.
Which reminds me, had Mr. Hearon used "Rosetta Rock" in our ninth-grade Spanish class, I'm almost certain every single guy in there would have been fluent inside a week.
OK, so we still probably would have just stared at Rebecca Miller, but the important thing is, we wouldn't have done worse because of it.
Anyway, if I'm any indicator, in less than 30 minutes, you will be fluently using German expressions such as:
"Hello."
"The man drinks."
"It's nice to see you."
"World War I? I have no idea what you're talking about."
Keep in mind you won't understand these expressions. But you'll be able to say them. And trust me when I tell you, after using "Rosetta Rock," the next time you are in a restaurant and see a man with a gray beard drinking a glass of water, you will instinctively blurt out, "Der Mann trinkt! Der Mann trinkt!"
And then probably be asked to leave.
But nonetheless, it is amazing what the brain can do if trained properly. So what is the point of all this? Well, quite simply, if you are looking to learn a new language, "Rosetta Rock" is the way to go. Now I'm not saying you should buy it, I'm simply saying you are an idiot if you do not.
And though I'd love to stick around and tell you more about it, right now I have more pressing things to attend to. Notably: I need to make a bathroom in my pants.
Bryce Donovan is currently learning how to speak Latin because he's taking a trip to Italy soon. Reach him at 937-5938 or bdonovan@postandcourier.com.
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Comments
MisWesaMoves (anonymous) says...
Good one Bryce...I often see this infomercial when I wake up in the middle of the night, to go to the pottie so that I don't "make a bathroom in my pants.". The ad is very enticing and I have fought the urge to purchase it. So thanks for trying it out for the rest of us who have the attention spans of gnats! Personally, the 12 years of French I took at Mason Prep and College Prep have helped me to be able to understand all the Kreyol (Creole...slang French) that is spoken down here in South Florida. Merci Beaucoup Mesdames Stockton, Bruce and Jantzen! Je parlez Francais tres bien!
February 5, 2009 at 7:59 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
MarylandDave (anonymous) says...
Bryce, you never fail to brighten up my Thursdays and make me laugh! I love your columns and look forward to them every week! This one hit a little close to home for me because I actually work as a foreign language translator here in Baltimore at the Social Security Administration's national headquarters. I work with French, Spanish and Italian and am now learning Swedish. I have never used "Rosetta Rock" :-) but I understand it's very good.
As I think I may have mentioned in an e-mail I recently sent you, I have been an annual visitor to Charleston every April for the last 13 years or so. Too bad there isn't a "Rosetta Rock" that teaches "Low Country English" and some of the nuances of the Charleston dialect!
In all truth, I think you have one of the nicest accents down there that I've ever come across anywhere in the US in all my travels. It's not as heavy and marked as a Tennessee or North Carolina accent or even a true Baltimore/Maryland accent. It's just right - pleasant to listen to and totally understandable.
We get a lot of foreign death certificates here to translate and I always love when a French-speaking person writes to say, "I am sending you so-and-so's DEAD certificate" or "I write to tell you so-and-so IS DEAD last month."
Sometimes things just don't come out quite the way they should - like "I have to make a bathroom in my pants." How in the world did you EVER come up with that one???
February 5, 2009 at 9:13 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
bdonovan (Bryce Donovan) says...
Thanks MWM and MD!
As for how I picked up that expression: Some friends of mine in high school told it to me and I was naive enough to believe that's what it actually meant. I might have also believed that the word "gullible" had been taken out of the dictionary.
February 5, 2009 at 11:48 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Marymoore (anonymous) says...
Mr. Donovan,
What do you mean by "learning a foreign language such as West Virginian"? We don't want to start that old feud again - the one where SC and WV disparage each others' quality of education. There jest ain't no how cause they both need fixed.
Mary Moore McLaughlin
Hillsboro WV
February 5, 2009 at 3:35 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
bdonovan (Bryce Donovan) says...
Wait, West Virginians speak the same language as other Americans?
February 5, 2009 at 8:28 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Marymoore (anonymous) says...
We don't need language - we have Senator Byrd, who lives by example - unlike certain SC politicians. OK, with the exception of Strom...
February 7, 2009 at 7:55 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Danielletters (anonymous) says...
As a foreign Language teacher and tennis player, learning a language only through the use of CDs or DVDs is like watching instructional tennis videos and hitting from shooting ball& Wii machines. There's no substitute for the back and forth of responding to a live human being (as opposed to one with a "dead certificate").
As far as those poor West Virginians, as per Diane Sawyer's upcomming story, they suffer form something called "Mountain Dew Mouth". Hence the missing teeth and speech problems. That begs the following question of Charlestonians: Do they suffer from Cheerwine mouth? Cocktail "hour" starts a tad early and seems "ad infinitum" (a free Latin lesson Bryce). I'm glad Marylandave appreciates our special brand of southern drawl, it's really a sophisticated, Cheerful slur. They took the Cocaine out of Coke in Atlanta, when, o when will they take the booze out of the soda & water here?? BTW Bryce since you're going to Italy shouldn't you be learning Roman? or is that Romanian?
February 11, 2009 at 1:38 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
HaroldKuntz (anonymous) says...
So has WV given you the key to the state yet?
February 20, 2009 at 10:33 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
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