Census forms are harmless

Despite what you may have heard, the 2010 Census form does not include any of these questions:

--How many guns do you own, and where do you hide them?

--Have you ever made threatening, or even disparaging, comments about the president? If yes, how many people would notice if you disappeared? (please list full names)

--If someone -- say, a paramilitary unit -- raided your home, what would be the best time to catch you off-guard?

You know, some people just don't trust the gubment. And that is never more clear than those years when the Census folks come calling.

Some of this reluctance is understandable -- this is, after all, the gang that let the economy melt down while blowing the lid off steroids in baseball. But the paranoia and conspiracy theories are getting ridiculous. Not everything is a plot, not every government program is nefarious, and nobody is out to get us.

Well, most of us.

Apathy is not cheap

In the 2000 Census, South Carolina had the second-lowest initial response to Census questionnaires -- just 59 percent of Palmetto State residents filled out the first form sent to them.

Only Alaska had a poorer showing,

and that's probably because they were all out shooting moose from helicopters.

Rania Jamison, S.C.'s public information coordinator for the Census, was on the front lines in 2000. Most of the people she met during the count were simply apathetic, not paranoid. They didn't understand what that form means for the state.

The Census determines how federal money is divvied up around the country. State officials estimate that every person missed costs South Carolina about $1,200 a year. Bobby Bowers, director of the Office of Research and Statistics for the state Budget and Control Board, estimates the 2000 count -- which missed about a county's worth of folks -- has cost South Carolina between $750 million and $1 billion in the past decade.

Or, about as much as the state has had to cut from its budget in the last week.

Just a few questions

This is not all about money -- it's also about representation. South Carolina is poised to get a seventh House member in reapportionment if the Census numbers are accurate. Think how much more we could not get done with another Henry Brown or Jim Clyburn arguing against each other.

Still, a lot of people just won't respond. Bowers says some of these folks tell him they don't want anyone knowing anything about them. "Everybody wants better roads, better hospitals, better education," Bowers said. "This is how we get it. And if we don't get that money, it's going to somebody else."

Read additional columns by Brian Hicks

Bottom line, participating in the Census is required by law. And it's easy -- this year, there are only 10 questions (officials say they didn't cut questions because of, ahem, concerns; they call it "streamlining"). They go something like this:

Question No. 1 -- How many people live in your household?

Question No. 2 -- Are you sure?

Question No. 3 -- What about that guy hiding in your barn?

This is not much of an exaggeration.

See, harmless. So fill out your Census form. It'll help the state. Of course, it also would help if the state dispatched Census workers to all the state's unemployment offices.

That's 12 percent of the population right there.