Grandma got run over by her family

This past weekend, my dad and I went to visit my grandmother in Macon, Ga. (It's motto: "Macon you wish you lived somewhere else.") This is something the two of us do every year, by which I mean the last time we visited Grandma, she was 58.

Of course I am only kidding. We've been one other time since then.

But it was a great time for all, most notably my dad and me. Sure I think my grandmother was glad to see us, but I'm pretty sure that wore off after 15 minutes.

Anyway, in keeping with the holiday spirit, I thought I'd share a few of the highlights from our miniature family reunion:

--On the first night, I introduced my dad and Grandma to Mad Libs, a game where one person asks others for a list of words to substitute for blanks in a story. My favorite part of doing Mad Libs is that the word "poo-poo" is the perfect answer for any part of speech. (Example: "Mayor Poo-Poo waved to the poo-poo with his poo-poo from atop the motorized poo-poo." See? Comedy gold.) Anyway, when asked to name a "body part," my grandmother -- and keep in mind this sweet little lady is more conservative than Iraqi women's clothing -- immediately blurted out an anatomical term that made us all blush.

--While jogging through one of the neighboring subdivisions after lunch, I was nearly run over by a woman driving a Toyota Camry. Now, in her defense, I think the color of my shirt (beige) kind of blended in with the sidewalk I was running on. Plus, she seemed to be in the middle of an important phone call.

--My grandmother has roughly 25 framed items on her walls -- things like birds, buildings, beautiful scenery -- and they're all cross-stitched. I think this is something that just happens when you get older whether you want it to or not. One day you're shopping at Crate & Barrel, and the next your walls are covered in needlepoint. For what it's worth, though, none is awesomer (new word) than the 10-year-old Bryce complete with bowl cut.

--Speaking of interior decorations, on her refrigerator I couldn't help but notice a magnet she got when visiting Amsterdam about 20 years ago. According to her, she's had it on the fridge ever since. On why she chose it, she says: "Well, it had a pretty plant on it." I guess it makes sense. She likes plants, so why not pick the one with a giant marijuana leaf on it? But the best part? It's right next to another magnet that says, "Prayer changes things." Which I guess means if you pray hard enough, eventually somebody will show up with some more Cool Ranch Doritos.

--I had the ultimate "sorry kid, you're off the payroll" moment while shopping

with my dad. In the checkout line at Dick's Sporting Goods, while the two of us were standing side by side, the clerk says to my dad, "Is this all together?" Without missing a beat he goes, "Nope." I paid for my $5 socks myself.

--Apparently, my grandmother thinks thieves are everywhere. When I left a dress jacket hanging in my car, which was parked outside her house -- which is in a really nice neighborhood -- she got on me and said I needed to bring it inside. "Somebody will break in and steal it," she kept insisting. Just to get under her skin, I kept replying, "But what are the odds the burglar and I are the same size?" (Also, anytime she looked out the front door, I would ask, "Is my car still there?")

It was a great weekend. One that I'm sure we can all agree was great fun and that shouldn't go another 10 years without happening again. In fact, my grandmother says every eight would be perfect.

Bryce Donovan wants to thank his grandmother for all her hospitality. And he promises to send her the money for the bill ASAP. Reach him at 937-5938 or bdonovan@postandcourier.com.