Avoid high-priced hoes (and other handy landscaping tips)

Ah, spring is in the air. Not to mention all over my car.

That's right, the ceremonial 2-inch-thick layer of pollen is upon us signaling the beginning of growing season. Which means it's time for you to get outside and do battle with Mother Nature in the form of yard work.

"But Bryce," you might be saying, "How am I supposed to cut the grass or trim the hedges when you sold all my tools on eBay?"

Excellent question. But let's not get bogged down in details such as whether you should "press charges" or "wait, where is my car for that matter?"

Instead, let's focus on how to make your yard look it's best.

That's why this week, with spring in full swing, I'm going to help you make your yard look fancier than the rooftop at Carrabba's by sharing my quick-and-easy landscaping tips.

Such as ...

More is more

People who say "understated" is the key to having a classy yard are just afraid you're going to one-up them by putting out more lawn gnomes than they are.

FACT: The more yard art — planters, bird feeders, rocks, pergolas, motorized reindeer, cars on cinder blocks, bear traps, etc. — the better. Period.

Use that mower

While a lawn mower is technically for your "lawn," that doesn't mean it can't help you with other tasks around the yard.

For instance, why buy an expensive gas-powered blower when you can chop up and bag all the leaves on your roof in a fraction of the time?

Prune everything

Many of these so-called "landscaping experts" will tell you that you should carefully research each plant or bush to determine its ideal pruning length. Whatever.

A good rule of thumb is, if it's above knee high, cut it off.

The shrubs on the front of your house. The trees overhanging your roof. That butt-ugly mailbox of your neighbor's.

Cut it all.

Invest in a tiller

How many times have you been digging furiously in your front yard and come across a bunch of those pesky black rubber roots buried deep in the ground?

Well, if you had a tiller, you could cut right through those things without spending all day hacking at them with a shovel. (NOTE: Sometimes these roots may "spark," so always be sure to wear protective eyewear.)

Go retro

These days, everybody is all about modern landscaping features such as rock ponds, waterfalls and fountains.

However, one of the most forgotten and oft-overlooked elements is a good quality moat.

Keep annoying solicitors at bay while providing a healthy environment for aquatic wildlife.

Copy good design

Nothing can be more intimidating than trying to decide what plant or bush goes where in a yard. So go around the neighborhood and find yards that look good to your eye and follow their lead.

If you're worried about copying your neighbor's vision, just remember: Theft is the most sincere form of flattery. (After all, plants are kind of expensive.)

Buy an extra long hose

When the weather gets hot, nobody wants to spend all their hard-earned money watering their lawn. That's why you make a one-time investment in a 200-foot garden hose and hook up to your neighbor's house.

You'll be amazed how much you'll save on your water bill. (Also, if you've done some recent tilling, you will probably also notice a drop in your electric bill.)

In conclusion, by following these simple landscaping tips you'll be the envy of everybody in the neighborhood when they say, "Wait, I think those are my azaleas."

Bryce Donovan wants people to know that a Filet-o-Fish compost heap isn't as good an idea as it might sound. Reach him at 937-5938 or bdonovan@postandcourier.com.