How to handle friends who owe you money

When I feel that a business owes me, I don't hesitate to let the appropriate people know about it. But when it comes to friends and financial matters, I must admit I sometimes retreat before the battle begins.

Case in point: Last week, I had a cookout at my home. A longtime friend agreed to help. Most of the guests had gathered on the patio, so I asked him to move my stereo speakers near the window.

He grabbed the entire system as it was playing and pulled it away from the wall. He didn't pull hard, but it was enough to send my sensitive $400 surround-sound system to stereo heaven.

He tried to fix it and even took the time to call the hot-line number in the Sharp manual. The technician confirmed that moving the system while it was playing could cause it to stop working. And that was that. The day after the party, he left. No offer to help pay for repairs. I was unhappy, to say the least, and more than a little surprised.

If I had gotten that type of treatment from a serviceman, I would have called his boss before he pulled out of the driveway. But who do you call to report a friend?

Gloria Starr, a global corporate image and etiquette adviser in Charlotte, said, "Technically and legally, he is responsible for it."

Starr compared it to a homeowner's fears of a visitor having an accident. "When a guest breaks something, they are responsible for replacing it, no matter what it is."

She recommended I deal with the matter quickly. "Say to him, 'The stereo is ruined. It has to be replaced. Are you able to do that now or make payments?' "

I wasn't sure I could do that. Looking for a different opinion, I talked to Lydia Ramsey, a business etiquette and protocol expert in Savannah.

Ramsey confirmed what I already knew in my heart: Confronting a friend on money matters can have unwanted consequences.

"He could be thinking that it's your responsibility since you asked him to do it," she said. "He may turn you down and refuse to pay, and in the process, jeopardize the friendship. It's a risk."

I've known this friend for 18 years. He drove 200 miles to attend my party and help out, which cost him $100 in gas.

In the end, I decided that jeopardizing the friendship is not worth $400.